Advice – Page 4 – Thunderbird Leadership Consulting

2018 Leadership Summit Summary – Being on Purpose

Amy Steinbinder on November 26, 2018

Wow! Where did the time go? Isn’t that how we feel about this time of year? Suddenly Halloween has come and gone, Thanksgiving is past and the days just count themselves to the end of the year.
On November 9^th, Thunderbird Leadership Consulting and BoxCar International hosted its twelfth annual Leadership Summit. Dorothy Sisneros, Carla Rotering and Amy Steinbinder had the vision to bring leaders together for a special day designed to strengthen and renew us. Unlike other leadership programs, it is about turning inward and honoring and learning about ourselves to make a difference in our personal and professional lives.
This year’s program, Being on Purpose: Small Enough to Manage, Big Enough to Matter, was an amazing exploration of what matters and how it matters. We modeled the day on Emily Esfahani Smith’s work, The Power of Meaning[1]. Dorothy Sisneros welcomed everyone and shared the process used by the Planning Team each year to create these amazing programs. We listen, we observe, we read and we sense throughout the year and then share our insights and ideas to build the program. The Planning Team nailed it again this year.
Amy Johnson[2] was our first keynote speaker. Her role was to set the stage for the day and to explore Purpose in our lives. She challenged us to listen deeply to ourselves and not get caught up in what we should be doing. She quoted Einstein and challenged us to differentiate “the intuitive mind which is a sacred gift, and the rational mind, a faithful servant. We honor the servant and forget the gift.” What we learned and heard from Amy was to trust our inner voice, our intuition, and not feel pressured to constantly do, to constantly force ourselves forward. She said, “finding purpose is not about proving our worthiness, purpose has to find us, like finding love.”
What a way to start the day – to step back, to allow life to speak to us instead of feeling compelled to force our way through the dense forest. She quoted people like this quote from Tony Bennett to Amy Winehouse, “life teaches you how to live it if you slow down long enough to listen.” That is a powerful message especially at this time of the year. Dustin Fennell lead the group through several activities to build on Amy’s messages.
Carla Rotering spoke next about Belonging. In a concise and powerful presentation, Carla changed the way we think of Belonging. It is not so much about others as it is about my “way of being in the world.” She encouraged us not to wait for invitations for connections but to recognize that we have the capacity to reach out and connect because we already come from a greater whole. Ruth Ballard took the group through activities to reinforce the messages. Carla and Kevin Monaco teamed to offer a music meditation to set the stage for the rest of the day.
Then Sat Kartar Khalsa-Ramey spoke to us about Transcendence. Sat Kartar is an ordained Sikh Dharma minister and a certified ACPE Educator Emeritus with the Association for Clinical Pastoral Education (ACPE). Her presentation was personal, current and moving as she shared her story and we sat rapt on her every word. Transcendence was about how we deal with what life gives us, the choices we make, the connections we maintain as we travel difficult, unexplored highways. We were privileged to share her yet-unfinished journey interwoven with Soul Collage[3] activities – that transported us from her journey to our own. Rory Gilbert helped us focus on the final pillar around Storytelling. We found meaning and belonging and understanding of the power of Storytelling to make sense of our world.
So many people shaped the Summit. Our wonderful planning team made everything possible.
We particularly want to thank three remarkable contributors to our day.

Kevin Monaco (composer and musician) – Kevin’s music wrapped meaning around the day, connected us to belonging and transcendence and created an atmosphere of significance to all that we did. Learn more about Kevin and his music at: https://kevinmonacomusic.com
Heather Marie Paslay (massage therapist) – Heather provided chair massages throughout the breaks in the day. For those who were able to benefit from Heather’s healing way, the day was that much more enjoyable and fulfilling. Heather can be reached at paslaymaire@yahoo.com
Steph Martini (graphic artist) – Steph recorded the day as it enfolded. She captured the what, the why and the feel of our shared experience and walked us through her masterpiece as a summary to the day. To connect with Steph about her work, please connect with her at stephmartini63@gmail.com

In keeping with Summit tradition, we held a Silent Auction that raised over $3,000 for three deserving charities: Hospice of the Valley, Homicide Survivors and UMOM.
The Summit was an extraordinary day to connect with members of our Thunderbird Leadership and BoxCar community, to enjoy a deep and meaningful experience with new and old friends and colleagues. More information about the day will appear on the Thunderbird Leadership Consulting website and we are already beginning to think about what will happen next year. Tentatively hold November 15, 2019 on your calendar for “a spa day for the soul.”
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[1] Smith, Emily Esfahani (2017) The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness. Broadway Books, New York.
[2] Johnson, Amy (2013) Being Human, Essays on Thoughtmares, Bouncing Back, and Your True Nature. Self-published.
[3]For more information: https://www.creativepilgrimage.com/soulcollage/

Build Bridges – Structures We Sorely Need Right Now

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on October 15, 2018

We are living in a very difficult time where we are viewing the world from polar extremes. This becomes a challenge in the workplace where even a hint of one’s political affiliation may be enough to impact a work relationship, damaging trust, confidence and credibility. Many of us were raised with instructions never to discuss religion or politics in public settings…and this is one way to avoid problems. But perhaps we’ve been damaged by this rule…where we only talk about our beliefs (religion, politics, etc.) with like-minded people, and we only get our news/input from like-minded media outlets.
By doing this, we remain comfortable and secure in our own world view and those that do not agree are “the other.” How does this fit with what we know about productivity, innovation and risk management in the workplace which rely on encouraging diverse perspectives? For these diverse perspectives to be effectively utilized, we need to learn to be able to listen, suspend judgments and be open to possibilities. And the data indicate that companies that master this are ultimately the most profitable.
We know these skills are learnable. They are not mysterious…but they do require a willingness to try something different. What would happen if we committed to using these same skills to bridge the divides that are causing so much pain in our world today? What would happen if we took the time to:

Actively listen – hear what the other person is saying and confirm that what you think you heard is what they said. When people feel heard they are more willing to seek understanding as well – even if we do not agree.
Suspend judgment – don’t prepare your rebuttal while they are talking – consider the possibility that they have a reason for their point of view (that they are not a (insert your favorite denigrating term here for someone who doesn’t agree with you).
Be open to possibilities – what if they actually said something that made sense – how could you fold that into your belief system without it crumbling like a house of cards?

We know that it is easier to do these steps with people we care about and in fact, when we understand where people are coming from, their story, we hold them with respect and compassion.
So perhaps we need to start with a new first step – first hear people’s stories. Use active listening, suspending judgment and being open to possibilities as we learn more about how someone came to be where they are…and they can learn how we came to our place as well.
Stories bring us together, they build empathy, trust and compassion…they build bridges – structures we sorely need right now.
Emily Esfahani Smith, author of The Power of Meaning, began her studies researching what makes people happy. She discovered that happiness is just transitory comfort and ease. What provides people with resilience, strength and satisfaction is meaning and she defined four pillars to living a life of fulfillment and meaning. They are belonging, purpose, transcendence and storytelling.
I see these pillars operating to help us not only find our own meaning but to share in a larger sense of meaning in this world. I spent a number of years as a member of a local Rotary club. There were only about 20 of us in this particular club so we knew each other pretty well and we came from very different political, religious and other perspectives…and we knew it. However, we were all committed to making the world a better place. We ascribed to slogans like “Peace through service.” We joined together to help at-risk youth, to support the annual Veteran’s Day parade, to support literacy, feed the hungry, and ensure folks got dental care…and we supported global projects to bring clean water to remote communities and to eradicate polio.
This was amazing work! We found meaning and purpose together. And we spent time learning about each other. Once a month, a member was invited to tell their story – both professional and personal. Suddenly an 80-year-old retiree was a daring fighter pilot again, a 25-year-old “kid” was a courageous peace corps volunteer, we learned more about the police commander, the healthcare worker and the immigrant. Each of us emerged as whole, complex human beings.
It takes time and effort, it takes desire to know our neighbors and not hide away.
Imagine how telling our stories can bring us closer to belonging as we learn to understand each other, how we might find shared purpose in our lives and transcend our small divided viewpoints for a broader and more promising whole.
If you’d like a chance to explore meaning and purpose in community, consider joining us on November 9^th for the 12 Annual Leadership Summit. Share in conversation with some 70 other curious, courageous and unlike minded people to find a way of Being on Purpose. Click here to find out more information.

Leading intentionally – a life-long learning process

Dustin Fennell on September 17, 2018

Guest contributor – Dr. Jan Gehler
Dr. Jan Gehler retired from the Presidency of Scottsdale Community College in August of this year. Thunderbird Leadership has been privileged to work and collaborate with her during her tenure and asked her to share her reflections on the work of leadership as she moves on to the next chapter of her life.
Planning for and executing a process for individual and team development requires a belief in the importance of life-long learning. A successful executive understands – and models – learning as a basic skill. As educators we continually affirm the importance of such learning for our students and staff, but sadly we often ‘don’t get around to it for ourselves,’ and by extension for our leadership team . The higher the level of position we hold, the more confidence we gain, the easier it is to eschew formal learning or the wisdom of others. As in every other area of leadership, we must ‘model the way.’
Within a leader’s ‘life-long-learning’ curriculum is the task of becoming self-aware. When we ARE self-aware, we constantly assess our thoughts and actions against the audience, the environment, the issues. Where do we need to step up and assert, where do we need to hold back, listen, trust others and wait? For some, this ‘sense’ of how we best lead is instinctive; for others, it must be learned, and yet for others, it’s a combination of learning to ‘trust’ one’s gut, coupled with the skills and understanding gained through experience, through formal and informal learning. It can be difficult, amid the noise of the moment and the competing ‘styles’ that give way to conflicting opinions and direction, to pick up the ‘cues’ for best action or decisions. The practice that comes with formal and informal learning can make the path through tough decisions, if not easier, at least simpler and more familiar.
Over many years as an education administrator, I’ve come to know myself pretty well. I am clear about the source of the values, habits and practices that I learned from my family of origin. I am a classic middle child, driven instinctively to find peace and balance. I have also learned that I am able to work inductively and deductively; most people have strengths in one direction. I can work both ways, and I often take the time to do that when considering important decisions or trying to solve complex problems; my approach can frustrate others who think more linearly. I came to this awareness over years spent in learning about myself, about what constitutes effective leadership, how to build and support an exceptional leadership team, i.e. through life-long learning.
Recognizing my own ‘needs and style,’ the profiles of my leadership team, the needs of the institution, the political environment, etc. there are several standard thinking processes that I’ve employed. If I have any advice for up-coming leaders, it would include:

devote time, energy and resources to individual and team development;
take time individually and as a team to ask “what if” questions, to explore all options and creative, if not crazy ideas;
examine every decision, solution, proposal by viewing it through a series of lenses, asking yourself and your team ‘are there implications for HR, for IT, for PR, for budget, for other divisions, in this decision, this strategy?’;
pause long enough to consider the generational question, i.e. what are the second and third waves of effect of this decision? Always consider the PR implications for the students, the faculty, the institution, the community, your partners, etc. Think this through yourself and ask your team to discuss their answers openly.

I am a high “S” (using the DiSC profiles) which means I take the time I need to think through these questions. I tend to think through the ‘worst case’ and then determine if I/we can live with that; if so or if we can mitigate the challenges, then presto, we move forward. Needless-to-say my “D” and “I” (action-oriented) colleagues can grow weary of my style. But over the years, they have taught me to move more quickly, as I have taught them to move more thoughtfully (for the longer term). We have learned together how best to lead together and found executive team development to be an invaluable tool.
When it is well done, executive team development provides individuals with new insights about their own skills, their own knowledge (what they know and what they need to learn) and as important, perspective/attitude. How do you think of your role as an administrator among other administrators? Back to the lenses! Your role is not unilateral. It requires seeing from all perspectives. It is stewardship. You have affirmed by taking the position to do as much as you can to help the organization achieve its mission. Individual and team development is an essential strategy to achieve that mission.
The group work is uncomfortable by design – we are called to dig deep and share; remember the old group development idea? – forming, storming, norming, performing. We have gone through that trajectory – AND it has to happen every time the constellation changes.
Frankly, it is fun to learn and grow together. It is fun to have discoveries of what we are and aren’t doing. A good facilitator will call us on our stuff – to have moments, if we are paying attention, that increase self-awareness. I don’t know an administrator who doesn’t need that to avoid being blinded by our ego, our title and our successes.
– Dr. Jan Gehler

The Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series: An Interview with Amy Steinbinder

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on August 20, 2018

The healthcare industry continues to be faced with so many interacting challenges: rising costs, unstable funding, sustaining an adequate, engaged and experienced workforce, creating a positive patient experience, ensuring high reliability and implementing innovation. Thunderbird Leadership’s Managing Partner, Amy Steinbinder, PhD, RN, NE-BC, agreed to tell us about her work supporting nurse leaders during these turbulent times. Amy describes it this way, “demands within the nursing profession and within the healthcare industry are constantly in whitewater. All the rapids are a 10 right now.”
Amy asked herself, “How do you maintain your balance and sense of self when things are literally swirling all around you?” And her answer was to develop the Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series. “I’d like to be able to assist people to strengthen their own leadership and resiliency – with the goal of personal and professional resilience while achieving career aspirations.”
Why only nurse leaders, why not others in the health care profession?
The Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series is focused and targeted because nurse leaders have a tremendous amount of expertise and operational influence in directing patient care delivery. At the same time, there is this growing level of burnout among nurses. The Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series supports nurse leaders who then support the thousands of nurses who impact hundreds of thousands of patients every day!”
Amy described a current client who is dealing with the complexity of implementing new technologies and adding building locations while still sustaining high reliability patient care, getting people paid and adapting to continuous innovation and change. She said, “leaders are not only stretched thin but on a stretching rack – pulled in so many directions. How do they maintain their own core strength so they can be effective in their personal and professional lives?”
What does the Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series offer?
The Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series offers individual coaching sessions to help Nurse Leaders improve their effectiveness while maintaining personal balance.

Coaching will explore executive nurse competencies “to help nurse leaders identify where they are and where they want to be to be effective.”
Coaching is an iterative process of learning, applying and reflecting.
The process will use a variety of modalities to tap inner wisdom and creativity to gain mastery of the competencies to support the leader’s own leadership style.
Leaders will come away with new ideas and defined strategies that they can implement immediately.

What does the coaching look like?

Nurse leaders participate in six individual coaching sessions over three months.
Sessions are held every two weeks.
The first session is 90 minutes and subsequent sessions are 60 minutes.
Sessions explore the values that drive the leader’s work and provide the motivation to keep on pressing forward.

“I want to help people identify what they value most in their professional lives, what they want their legacy to be, what they want career wise.”
What I hear you saying is that for nurse leaders, the coaching time is critically important to ensure clarity of mind, clarity of direction, and strength to keep moving forward.
Amy shared a note she received from a nurse leader she coaches: “Amy, you have no idea how helpful this is and how much I look forward to our time together.”
Tell us about the competencies? Why focus on these?
“These competencies came from the literature.” In 2004, the Healthcare Leadership Alliance developed Nurse Executive Competencies that are considered foundational for today’s nurse leaders. They have been revisited and are still relevant.[1]
In 2016, Amy and a small group of content experts[2] convened to identify which of all the competencies would be most impactful for a nurse leader over a career in today’s and tomorrow’s healthcare environment. Their combined experience as Nursing Executives, CEO’s, Chief Integration Officers, COO’s and consultants to large scale organizational change provided them with inside and outside perspectives on the future of healthcare leadership. They identified five competencies they thought were most critical.
Amy briefly described the five competencies.
Resilience — The ability to maintain energy, focus and perspective during high stress, situational ambiguity and insurmountable challenges.

“Yes! the ability to maintain energy, focus and perspective no matter what is going on! The ability to learn quickly and recover quickly from things that go wrong – because they do, and they will.”

Advocacy — The ability to influence, champion, articulate, inspire, and enlist others to do the right thing at all levels.

“…Not just for patients and staff, but for the providers in the organization and the organization itself; really ensuring that the nurse leader is doing the right things for all of these constituencies. They have to have in depth knowledge of so many disciplines beyond just clinical practice.”

Engagement — The ability to actively apply values of caring and respect, along with skills of communicating warmth and genuine interest in others, to promote trust with individuals and teams.

Leading engagement has become critically important for day to day results. It is easy for any of us to lose our way. How do we keep people energized and excited no matter how hard the work is? How do we promote and build trust, appealing to both the heart and head?

Executive Presence – The ability to engage, connect and influence others.

Organizations are experiencing so much change and so many people are involved. How does a nurse leader establish her own presence in assisting people to becoming engaged? As a leader, how do you stay calm under pressure, maintain curiosity and remain optimistic?

Minding the Gap — The ability to recognize and attend to the dynamic tension between innovation and the untested with high reliability and a preoccupation with failure.

The most interesting one for me is “minding the gap.” In every organization there is so much that is occurring, so much is untested. How do you balance the untested, the innovation, at the same time as we focus on high reliability? This requires being aware of what can fail, what failure looks like and watching for early warning signs, subtle flags that alert you to potential failure. So individual teams and organizations can respond quickly and move forward.

Nurse leaders need to be asking questions – such as if we failed in this project, what would have had to happen…so you can back it up – to look at what we need to be paying attention to; having agreement on what we would do, how we would address red flags if they emerged. This does not mean we think we are going to fail, but we are preoccupied with what could go wrong – so we can be timely in response…going back to resilience so you can learn and recover quickly.

What do you bring to the coaching experience?
I am a Certified Executive Coach and Integrated Health Coach with over 30 years of healthcare leadership experience including experience conducting workshops and facilitating individual and group learning to achieve personal and organizational results.
Why is this so important to you?
The biggest reason is that healthcare is in crisis. It impacts all of us. We are all on either side of the healthcare divide…as providers and as patients at any one time.
How can people learn more about the series?
Click here to visit The Resilient Nurse Leader page at Thunderbird Leadership Consulting.
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^[1] American Organization of Nurse Executives. (2015). AONE Nurse Executive Competencies. Chicago, IL: Author. Accessed at: www.aone.org
Accessible at: http://www.aone.org/resources/nurse-leader-competencies.shtml
Stefl, M, Common Competencies for All Healthcare Managers: The Healthcare Leadership Alliance Model. Journal of Healthcare Management. November/December 2008: 360-374.
Gerardi D, Using Coaches and Mentors to Develop Resilient Nurse Leaders in Complex Environments. Voice of Nursing Leadership. July, 2017: 8-12.
Waxman KT, Roussel L, Herrin-Griffith D, D’Alfonso J, The AONE Nurse Executive Competencies: 12 Years Later. Nurse Leader. April, 2017: 120-126.
^[2] Dr. Kathy Scott, RN PhD, FACHE, Colleen Hallberg, RN MSN, Amy Steinbinder RN, PhD, NE-BC in consultation with expert colleagues across the country.

The Butterfly Effect

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on July 16, 2018

I was a philosophy major as an undergraduate and for my senior thesis I found myself wrestling with determinism v. free will. Are we on a pre-planned course? Do we have the capacity to change the world? My answer at the time was that everything is in effect determined by all that has come before, that we are on a track rolling toward our destiny, but we still must choose our course based on what we know and feel at the time to be right, and that is, in effect, free will.
So, who would think some xx years later, I’d read a small statement that brought me back to those heady college days.

Butterfly Effect
The scientific theory that a single occurrence,
no matter how small,
can change the course of the universe
forever.

This concept emerges from chaos theory[i] and challenges my notion of determinism. Chaos theory proposes that in complex systems, small changes can have unpredicted effects. That is why weather prediction, while getting more accurate, still remains a matter of probabilities… or predicting the stock market, election results, etc. And interestingly, in research, we know that just having an observer can influence the outcome.
So, this got me to thinking about my coaching and organizational development work. I thought about DiSC™ styles. DiSC™ identifies four different ways healthy people approach the world (in various combinations) as ways we can better understand ourselves and others. One of the key elements it explores is sense of control. Some of us tend to think we control our world (let me lead) and others that we must respond to our world (let me prepare).
Those that think we control our world tend to be action oriented, decisive and fast-paced. I associated that with the concept of free-will, creating one’s destiny. Those that think we must respond to what the world hands us tend to be more analytical, deliberative and more moderate-paced. I associated that with the concept of determinism, having to accept what happens.
The Butterfly effect suggests that we all have impact whether we are aware of it or not – that how I act or even if I act is a choice that impacts my world. I sometimes feel very small, unimportant and of little value. I can convince myself that whether I take action, donate to a cause, speak up or stand up will make little difference. But the Butterfly Effect reminds me that I what I do or don’t do makes a difference. We are all interconnected, and our actions matter even when we don’t know it.
Heraclitus stated, “The only constant is change.” This was true some 2500 years ago, and is even more so, now. Our world is complex, rapidly changing, and only somewhat predictable…so let me do as much as I can to prepare (responding to the world) and then step up (creating our destiny) as I need to.
How do I prepare? I keep current on what is happening in my world, in my sphere of influence. I consider possibilities and probabilities and what resources and actions might be required. I also consider my values, my priorities and sense of purpose so that I base my course of action on what is important.
How do I step up and lead? I use all my preparation to allow thoughtful and meaningful decisions in the time frame that is required. I avoid knee jerk reactions or being immobilized because I was not prepared.
And I whether I tend to be more action or preparation oriented, I find trusted people in my world who complement my strengths and skills and join me in actions and decisions…without always knowing the results of our actions and decisions. And I accept the fact that the end results may not be what I thought they would be.
In my first career, I was a youth and family counselor. I provided prevention and early intervention work to middle school students. I met with a group of 7^th grade girls to help them adjust to adolescence and middle school. One of the girls never spoke in the group and I wondered why she kept coming and doubted anything we did was making a difference. Some four years later, I was walking down the halls of a high school when a young woman approached me and called me by name. It was this same young woman, now a confident and successful junior in high school. I told her that I was surprised she recognized me and she said something I will never forgot. “I remember everyone who tried to help me.”
So, consider the Butterfly Effect in human behavior as well as in the physical world. Every day we make choices about where we put our energy, how we behave, what we do…and what we think. We make a difference in our world mindfully or heedlessly.
On November 9^th, Thunderbird Leadership will be sponsoring our 12^th Annual Leadership Summit, Being on Purpose: Small Enough to Manage, Big Enough to Matter. We’ll be exploring how we can intentionally impact our world from our own little spot on our own little planet. For more information go to: http://thunderbirdleadership.com/event/12th-annual-leadership-summit-being-on-purpose
“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.” – Eckhart Tolle
[i] For a brief introduction to the Butterfly Effect and Chaos Theory check out: https://www.americanscientist.org/article/understanding-the-butterfly-effect
https://www.forbes.com/sites/startswithabang/2018/02/13/chaos-theory-the-butterfly-effect-and-the-computer-glitch-that-started-it-all/#58b6d90269f6

When the Going Gets Rough: Turn to Wonder

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on June 15, 2018

We have been conditioned to believe in a direct link between action and reaction, cause and effect. Something happens (you do something) and I respond. This leads us to think we do not have control over our reactions to our environment…you made me mad! You hurt my feelings!
What we know however, is that context influences our reactions. In psychology there is an entire therapeutic practice based on this – cognitive-behavioral therapy. It is premised on the concept that between cause and effect is my interpretation of the situation…and this influences my response.
A dear friend of mine has often said, “When you love someone, you can tolerate just about anything…once you fall out of love, the way they brush their teeth can make you crazy.”
I used to carpool with a friend who had a baby daughter. Towards the end of the work day, she got a call from the sitter that her little one started spiking a fever. My friend called the doctor and was told the office would squeeze them in if they could get there by 5:30. We left the office immediately and hurried to the sitter. Of course, it was rush hour and there was road construction. A lane on the road was closed up ahead and everyone was merging. How would we make it on time? I am not sure of your attitude toward the people who whiz by you when the lane is ending, but I have always considered them selfish, arrogant, pushy… And yet, I opted to zip down that merge lane to the very end to save us precious time…and someone graciously let me back in! We made it to the sitter and my friend and her sweet baby made it to the doctor’s office on time!
Why do I share this story? It is about context. Now when people are whizzing by me in the merge lane, I stop myself from getting upset and wonder where they might be hurrying to, what might be going on in their lives.
When things get rough, turn to wonder. The Center for Courage and Renewalⁱ developed touchstones for their Circles of Trust, one of which is the focus of this month’s blog entry. “When the going gets rough, turn to wonder.” ⁱⁱ
Rather than create and act on my own understanding about what is happening, why people are doing what they are doing, what their motivations might be, I can step back and reflect. If I assume most people have good reasons for their behavior, what could they be?
Most people are able to defend their actions. I don’t have to agree with their justification or decision, but how does it impact my reaction if I at least understand why they are doing what they are doing. Does it soften my response? Do I have a chance of building relationship rather than destroying it? Can my understanding bring us closer, rather than increase distance?
My challenge is to discipline myself to take that step back and consider alternative explanations. I aspire to be open minded and a life-long learner. The practice of turning to wonder seems an ideal technique to help me achieve those aspirations. Now if only I could help others do the same…
I have several colleagues, friends and even family members who are convinced that they know other people’s motives and intent, without ever checking to see if their assumptions are true. When I see things differently, I have a hard time even inviting them into my world. I find myself shutting down instead and avoiding the conversation at all because I see them as unwilling to even consider another point of view.
What if I could invite them to turn to wonder…it doesn’t mean they have to change their conclusion, but to at least entertain the possibility that there is more than one way to see things. We know that perspective taking increases innovation and creates a more inclusive and accepting environment.
I wonder:

If asking them to turn to wonder could be a more acceptable and approachable way for them to consider other options?
If I could connect with them instead of shutting down?
Why they think their way is the only right way?
Why it is so important for me to influence their way of thinking?

There are so many possibilities. What do you wonder about?
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ⁱ The goal of the Center for Courage and Renewal is to strengthen relationships, build trust and empower people to create a better world. All of us have the capacity to lead from where we are to influence our environments for good. They do this through Circles of Trust. http://www.couragerenewal.org/
ⁱⁱ When the going gets rough, turn to wonder. Turn from reaction and judgment to wonder and compassionate inquiry. Ask yourself, “I wonder why they feel/think this way?” or “I wonder what my reaction teaches me about myself?” Set aside judgment to listen to others—and to yourself—more deeply.

Professional Beach Reads

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on May 16, 2018

I was watching the waves crashing on the beach this past Thanksgiving while talking to my son. We were talking about work and the challenges of management, decision-making and leadership. He told me about a book he had just read called Decisive by Chip and Dan Heath. With the incredible luxury of WIFI and Kindle, it was in my hands within minutes…and I had my perfect “professional beach read.”
While I was relaxing and recharging, Decisive became my companion. It was entertaining, thought provoking and inspiring. It insinuated itself into my relaxation as a way to rethink challenges that would be waiting for me when I returned home.
As coaches, we encourage leaders to step back and reflect, but everyone has to find their own way to do it successfully. For me, a professional beach read is like floating aimlessly on a raft and seeing where I end up…without a specific end goal in mind, but open to possibilities and connections.
So, as we set out on another summer, hop on board and consider the possibilities of your own professional beach read and see where it takes you. Hopefully, you too will return, recharged, inspired and with some new strategies in your tool box.
Beach Read I – recommended by Rory Gilbert
Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work (Heath, Chip; Heath, Dan), The Crown Publishing Group, Kindle Edition
In Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work, Chip and Dan Heath provide some staggering statistics about how poor our decision-making is: everything from career choices (50% of teachers quit within 4 years, 40% of senior level hires are pushed out or quit within 18 months) to business decisions (83% of mergers and acquisitions fail to create value for stakeholders), to retirement saving, relationships, food choices…you name it. They then challenge us:
“When it comes to making decisions, it’s clear that our brains are flawed instruments. But less attention has been paid to another compelling question: Given that we’re wired to act foolishly sometimes, how can we do better?” (Heath, Kindle locations 80-83)
The Heath’s premise is that our decision-making processes are flawed and better processes such as exploring alternative points of view, recognizing uncertainty and searching for evidence that contradicts our beliefs can help us improve our outcomes.
They explore four “villains of decision making” and recommend strategies to overcome them. The villains are: narrow framing – seeing limited options – this or that; confirmation bias – seeking out data that confirms our initial opinion or belief; short-term emotion – that limits our ability to have perspective; and over-confidence – trusting your own ability to predict the future.
And the rest of the book is about how to counter these villains. They provide a simple formula and then specific suggestions that are practical and immediately applicable. Two of my favorites:

Watch out for limiting options – when we hear “do I want this or that…” start thinking about how to combine this and that and/or what else can you do. Don’t succumb to a forced choice – open up the possibilities!

How do I use this? I have a tendency to get really excited about new projects. Usually, I am asked – do you want to take this on or not? I always want to say yes…it sounds like fun, I am confident I/we can do it. Over time, I have learned to find people to help me reality check my excitement. All I can see is the possibilities glimmering in front of me. I now have a kitchen cabinet who gets me out of “the spotlight effect” and answers my question, “what am I not thinking of?”
The Heath’s propose: “What if we started every decision by asking some simple questions: What are we giving up by making this choice? What else could we do with the same time and money?” (Heath, Kindle Locations 688-690)

Consider the opposite – try to gain perspective and overcome confirmation bias – they discuss the value of “the devil’s advocate,” and also talk about the challenge if people get too polarized. One of their suggestions to reduce polarization is to ask folks from different points of view, “What would have to be true for this option to be the right answer?” (Heath, Kindle Locations 1483-1484) Now, the exercise is about looking at variables and possibilities rather than just maintaining a position. This strategy enhances cooperation, understanding and mutual commitment to the best outcome.

And there are more…I keep getting excited about another one and another one…so I think I just better suggest, read the book! It is fun, enlightening and entertaining.

Beach Read II – recommended by Jill Bachman
Factfulness: Ten Reasons We’re Wrong about the World- and Why Things Are Better Than You Think (Rosling, Hans; Ronnlund, Anna Rosling; Rosling, Ola), 2018, Flatiron Books
While this title may not grab you as a “professional beach read”, it did turn into that for me. The book is intelligent, humorous, easy to read, and chock full of aha moments. Rosling, who collaborated with his adult daughter and son on the book, is Swedish, and dedicated much of his life to understanding the important trends in the world. Educated as a physician, he practiced in evolving third world countries. He was also a statistician, academic and public speaker. At a very early age he developed liver issues, coping with hepatitis C throughout his life. In 2017, he died from pancreatic cancer at the age of 68, one year after being diagnosed. He was driven to complete this book before his death.
Rosling starts your journey with an introduction about sword swallowing, a mini-discussion of chimpanzee logic (there is none, really, just randomness), and a series of questions (the Gapminder Test) about the state of current world conditions. I was woefully disappointed in my score, as I view myself as someone who “keeps up” with things like poverty, hunger, global warming and other “light” (ha!) beach read topics.
He then presents the reader with a series of “instincts” which he believes are the basis of our gross misunderstanding of the world. Taken together, these 10 instincts create a powerful set of approaches to help us behave more thoughtfully and effectively. The instincts are the Gap Instinct, the Negativity Instinct, the Straight Line Instinct, the Fear Instinct, the Size Instinct, the Generalization Instinct, the Destiny Instinct, the Single Perspective Instinct, the Blame Instinct, and the Urgency Instinct. Each of the instincts is developed with his real-life examples, some heartbreaking in their “missing the boat”. He concludes the book with chapters titled Factfulness in Practice, and Factfulness Rules of Thumb. I loved his quote near the end; “When we have a fact-based worldview, we can see that the world is not as bad as it seems- and we can see what we have to do to keep making it better.” (Rosling, Kindle location 3316.)
Two of the instincts that I find myself frequently “defaulting” to are the negativity instinct and the urgency instinct. The negativity instinct, he claims, is especially bad because “The loss of hope is probably the most devastating consequence,” (Rosling, Kindle location 876), keeping us from taking action on a situation. He suggests that we learn to keep two ideas in our head at the same time, something like, “This is a tragic situation AND here is something that can be done about it.” Another idea is to expect bad news, so that you don’t get caught off guard when bad things happen.
The urgency instinct is a problem, he claims, because “When we are under time pressures and thinking of worst case scenarios, we tend to make really stupid decisions.” (Rosling, Kindle location 2893.) To counteract an urgency impulse, stop and name it as a call/demand/expectation to take immediate action. Question just how urgent the situation really is. The truth is, those situations are rare today. Be wary of drastic action. How many times have you responded urgently to something, only to create a worse outcome for yourself? If someone is trying to convince you that you need to act now, insist on more information. What will happen if you decide not to act NOW. Will the sale come again? Can the issue really be solved in a heartbeat anyway? Recognize that the manipulative use of fear is often behind the call to urgency in order to get us to respond.
In today’s dramatic and media-driven climate, a book that suggests that many things we thought were awful are actually improving has naturally generated critical responses, challenging that Rosling was a Pollyanna, and a confused statistician. IMHO, whether or not you agree with those criticisms, Rosling performed a valuable service with this book, giving us tools to think and respond much more deeply about the state of the world and our own lives.
We’d love to hear from you and learn more about your favorite beach reads as we all head into the summer ready to be re-energized.

Going it Alone?

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on April 15, 2018

In the world of work, it is important to appear capable and strong. As a leader, I have to make the tough calls. While I value collaboration, the truth is that in the end it is about what I accomplish, how I am seen. That is how I succeed, how I earn my paycheck, how I advance.
If we reflect honestly, aren’t these messages lingering in the back of our minds and influencing how we connect with our work world? Do these messages really help us be and do our best?
Let’s take a look at the outcomes of these messages:

We become cautious about what we share.
We become anxious about making mistakes.
We don’t ask for help when we need it.
We become defensive when people make suggestions or question us.
We feel disconnected from our colleagues.

And the outcomes for our company or organization?

Missed opportunities
Missed innovations
Increased risk
Decreased productivity

The notion that we need to “go it alone” is hard to shake. And yet, research indicates that creating inclusive, trusting work environments increases profits, productivity, innovation and results. But how do you change your thinking and change your culture?
One proven strategy is coaching for both individuals and teams. “According to the 2009 Global Coaching Client Study, 96 percent of clients said they would repeat the coaching experience. That kind of validation underscores why many organizations are calling in the coaches as a way to achieve success.” (https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/pages/0914-executive-coaching.aspx)
A coach is a thinking partner who provides support, perspective, insights and an accountability structure for change in a safe and confidential environment. Coaches have skills in the processes that allow for change: listening, observing, asking probing questions, identifying conflicting thoughts and feelings, developing plans, timelines, milestones, assessing obstacles and ensuring strategies for commitment and accountability.

“Thank you so much! We couldn’t have done it without you; your energy, focus and expertise in guiding us was exceptional!”

Coaches adapt their style based on your preferred way of communicating, learning and handling confrontation and decision making.

“I’ve used (coach)’s services …with my leadership team. Her expert facilitation of our leadership retreats, along with her engaging presence, helped to motivate even skeptical team members to learn more about themselves and each other. Not only does she listen, but she follows through to make sure she meets everyone’s expectations.”

Some coaches are experts in your field and may change hats to a consulting and information imparting role, but others are experts in coaching and count on you to be the expert in your field.

“I enjoy talking with you because I always walk away having learned something about myself and my organization.”

One thing coaches don’t ever do is tell you what to do. They are on the sidelines – you are in the game and you are the decision-maker.
As certified coach Michael Esposito, SPHR, puts it, “A great coach raises probing questions, and the client comes to the answer himself. A great consultant tells you what you need to do.” (https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/pages/0914-executive-coaching.aspx)
Why have a coach? To explore issues and decisions in a safe, non-judgmental environment – risk free! Because the coach is not in your reporting line or part of your team, you have the opportunity to be more open, take risks in thinking and exploring. You can even be grouchy, irritated, frustrated, scared or downright despairing without ruining your public image or affecting a performance appraisal.
Coaching will also look different depending on where you are in your professional development. Coaching can be used at the start of one’s career to identify strengths, address challenges and identify goals.

“I wanted to give you some very exciting and life changing news. I mentioned in my last email to you, I applied for x position. I got the call today and I accepted. After the call, I wanted to dance on the top of my desk, however OSHA standards, LOL

I am full of emotions with the news. I can’t put into words how much you helped me grow personally and professionally. Thank you for all the support, and guidance and not letting me off the hook … I am lucky to have you … you helped me find the confidence to apply. You helped me re-gain my focus on my career path. I will carry the tools you gave me in my bag for the rest of my career.”

For some individuals, it is about transitioning to a new or higher position…and identifying behaviors that need to be strengthened or changed.

“My coach reflects back what I have said and suddenly I am faced with perspectives I had not even considered!”

For some, it is about being lonely at the top…having someone with whom you can be fully vulnerable – where you don’t have to be “on.”

“It is with sincere gratitude that I express my experience of personal growth during my coaching sessions over the past few months. Not only does my coach actively listen, she hears what the underlying conversation is that remains unsaid. Her insights and ideas have fostered contemplation and new actions to take to meet my desires and goals. Thank you for supporting me in achieving balance to what can be an otherwise hectic pace….”

And as for team coaching, the entire team is invited to grow with a shared vision and shared agreements on how to work together…building trust, increasing skills and capacities to keep on top of today’s rapidly changing environment.

“Thank you! The team is soaring. You have been a great help to us and we are finally getting back to feeling as though we each have value and add value to the team, campus and organization.”

At Thunderbird, we consider coaching leaders and leadership teams our “sweet spot.” All our coaches have been in leadership positions and know what it is like to be out there alone. We truly appreciate our ability to partner with people and watch them identify and achieve their goals. It is great to be on the sidelines of your success!!!
At Thunderbird, the core of our work… is based on trust, community and integrity. We live in a turbulent world. There is so much fear. We foster safe spaces for people to have hard conversations, to be vulnerable with each other, to discover and learn to create better futures for themselves and their organizations. We believe people are well-intentioned but they don’t always have the skills they need.
Our sweet spot is leaders at all levels! People are generally interested in improving themselves and their companies. We provide a forum for them to be their best!
Find out more at: http://thunderbirdleadership.com/how-we-help/

Why is Accountability So Hard?

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on March 15, 2018

What is the number one frustration for people managers? In my coaching work, I hear repeatedly that it is getting people to do what we expect them to do. Whether it is how they prioritize, the process they use to get results or the actual tasks they do, I repeatedly hear folks sigh, “If I want it done right, I have to do it myself!”
So why can’t we get people to do what we want, when we want it, how we want it? Here are a few observations:
1) The most important thing we can do is be clear about our expectations. Whether we are working with a brand-new employee or a long term established employee, we need to take time to be sure we are clear on priorities, goals and processes and how the employee’s work links to the organizational mission.
I remember speaking with an executive who prided himself on never providing feedback or assessments to his “good” employees. “I only do evaluations when people are not performing well,” he said. He went on to explain that they received their job description when they came in and they should know what to do.
Can we really expect a job description to cover all our expectations? Don’t things change over time? Even with high level employees, is it possible that what they think is important is not what we think is important?
While there is a lot of discussion about the pros and cons of annual reviews, there is no doubt that setting expectations, updating them and providing feedback regularly is critical to performance success.
2) And then, whether we set expectations or not, our next challenge is how we communicate what we want. We are totally clear in our own heads – I know I make sense to myself. However, I have discovered that what I think I thought I said is not what other people hear. If you want to be sure you are on the same page, you need to summarize what you’ve discussed and agreed to…preferably in writing. How does this play out?

On the fly comments are not captured.
For example, I am walking with someone to a meeting and say something like, “and I’d like it if you did x, y or z…” I remember I said it. I see it as a directive. Did the person I related it to write it down? Did we discuss a due date? Did we prioritize? What are the chances this will be retained after the meeting? Would I remember it if the tables were turned? Be careful that we don’t think we are so important that our “in passing thought” will be retained.
Weekly meetings end in confusion.
You have a typical one-hour meeting with your direct report or your team and discuss a dozen different items. Time is up and off you go, each of you totally clear in your own minds about what was important, the priorities, strategies and time lines.

Stop the meeting with ten minutes to go and review what you have discussed. Ask your direct report(s) to summarize…that way you will know what they heard and plan to do. This is a great way to identify misunderstandings, ideas that were dropped and disagreements with the plan of action. You may discover that you need more than ten minutes for the summary.
Often, it is not until the review that you discover that someone is not buying in to an action item. They were silent during the meeting because they were still thinking about it and/or disagreed but didn’t want to bring it up, but now that you mention it again and are defining it as a priority…well it is time to speak up because it isn’t going to disappear.
How often have you raised an item at a meeting and there is no response? We usually assume that everyone is on board, but the truth is, silence is sometimes cloaking discomfort, dissatisfaction or confusion. One of my favorite concepts from Patrick Lencioni is to assume silence is disagreement. Invite affirmative commitment to a plan before you think you are ready to go forward.
Ultimately, summary reviews should include priorities, responsibilities, timelines and check-in dates. And, how will you document these? Format can range from a white board, easel page, spreadsheet or project management program depending on your team, the complexity of the projects and preferred workstyles. If it is not documented, it isn’t going to happen!

Direct requests are not followed up on.
This is an interesting item. I am amazed at how clearly we think we are saying things (remember how clear we are in our own heads?) and yet we are often vague, noncommittal and ultimately unclear in what we want. I’ve invited myself into meetings with directors and managers who are beside themselves with frustration because they do not get the results they want from their direct requests. I’ve heard some of the following:

Would you be willing to do x? (and then they are surprised when the employee declines to do x.)
It would be helpful if you could do x. (Employee hears, a “nice to do” not a “have to do.”)
I’d like you do x when you have the time. (no time line, no importance, no priority…are you surprised it isn’t done?)
What do you think about doing x? (interesting idea…oh, do you mean me?)

And in all of these cases, the leader/manager/supervisor thinks they have made a direct request. I’ve come up with two possible reasons why requests are framed this way…and would like to hear your thoughts.

The leader/manager/supervisor does not want to come across as too bossy or demanding. This can often be the case when someone was promoted from within the ranks. It is also possible when there are differences in social identity where there is a hierarchical imbalance. (E.g. age – younger boss to older employee; gender – female boss to male employee; race/ethnicity – person of color boss to white employee.) A lot of times these changes in how requests are made are not even conscious.
The leader/manager/supervisor thinks they are so important that they expect their employees to jump at their every wish. We shouldn’t have to write it down or review it, they should just do it. I am too busy to take the time.
Why else? Cultural differences? Personality differences?

3) And finally, the biggest challenge of all is follow-up. I’ve heard over and over again, “who is going to hold people accountable?” The answer is…you…by setting deadlines, requiring updates, expecting people to inform you ahead of time if they are facing a problem and/or are not going to be able to deliver on-time.
I spoke to an employee recently who was given an assignment a year ago. He’s been asked several times how he’s doing on completing it. He says, he’s working on it. His manager knows he should have it done by now but hasn’t said much more about it. The truth is, the employee has been overwhelmed by the task and has avoided it by keeping busy with other projects. How important is the project if it has been drifting along for a year?
We don’t have to be mean and nasty to get results. In a nutshell, we need to:

Set clear expectations that include priorities and expected outcomes.
Be mindful of when and how we frame requests.
- “On the fly” requests get lost.
- Casual requests may sound like suggestions or low priority.
Summarize action items from meetings to ensure timelines, responsibilities and priorities.
Link requests to the goals and purpose of the organization. We know that people are able to embrace their work more effective when they can connect the dots to purpose and meaning.
Follow-up in a timely manner. If it isn’t important to you, why will it be important to anyone else?

Is it me, or is it them? Choosing the right intervention

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on January 15, 2018

The request comes in, “We are having a team retreat next month and I’d like you to come and provide some team building. It would be great if you could focus on how we can work together better.” It sounds easy enough. . . some fun activities to understand different work or communication styles. Piece of cake. . . or is it? Almost every time this request comes in, there is an underlying, unexpressed and unaddressed concern on the team.
I have learned over the years to ask lots of questions to uncover the real need. More often than not, there is an individual, maybe more, who creates problems for the manager and/or the rest of the team. The manager has been uncomfortable addressing it directly and hopes that the individual(s) will “get the message” through the exercises we do.
I am a really good trainer, but I cannot deliver this result for the manager. The individual does not “get the message,” everyone else on the team wonders why they are going through this, they may guess what the underlying goal is. . . Ultimately, time and money wasted, and the manager and team are still stuck where they were.
So, is training or team building ever worthwhile? Sure, but be clear on what you want to accomplish, make sure the team knows the purpose, and be sure you are choosing the right strategy.
What to do when? Is it me (the manager) or is it them (the team)?

If you have an employee who is having performance problems, you need to tell them. If you are struggling with how to frame the issue and or how to correct/improve it, invite a performance consultant or coach to assist. They can help you be clear on what is needed, identify strategies, timelines, and even practice how to say it. But you as the manager have to have the conversation. It is your job.
If you have employees who are in conflict, you need to let them know that the conflict cannot continue (oh darn, you have to have that conversation again.) Based on the level of the conflict, you may need to bring in someone to mediate. . . with the understanding that the behaviors cannot continue. If the behaviors continue after intervention, it becomes a performance issue. (Back to item one!)
If you are concerned about morale, performance, communication of the whole team, you may want to bring in a consultant or coach for yourself first and figure out how you can influence the culture of your team. What is going on? How long has this been going on? Is it a structural issue or a training issue? Do the employees have the skills and resources they need? Do they know what is expected of them?
Then, decide if training or team building of some kind can really make a difference. And explain to the team what you hope will be different after the training and how you will assess and support the change.

So how does this work?
Situation 1
You have an employee who is not pulling their share of the load. Everyone else knows it but no one says anything. She has been there a long time so how can you bring it up now? You are frustrated. The team is demoralized. What is the point of going the extra mile?
Whose problem is it? Yours. Solution: you have to speak up even after all this time.
How do you do it?

Ask yourself – does my team know what I expect from them re: performance? If the answer is not clear, start there. You might try having the team help set group expectations – buy-in for everyone. Then, everyone is clear about the level of accountability – it is day one of new expectations.

When everyone knows the expectations for performance, have conversations with each employee about how they see their performance.
- Be prepared to give honest feedback and develop strategies for improvement as needed.
- Identify timelines for accountability and follow them.
- Ask your employees what they might need from you to help them succeed?

And now, for the really, really hard part . . . have follow-up conversations where you hold people accountable. Be sure to let people know when they are succeeding, and when they are not. Discuss what will happen if they do not improve.

Who can help? A performance coach or consultant; someone from your HR department. A facilitator.
Situation 2
You have two employees who do not get along. They have different work styles and over time they have gotten more and more irritated with each other. They don’t talk to each other. They gossip with others and try to recruit them to their side. It is interfering with workflow as people have to do workarounds to get information through this nasty bottle-neck. It is impacting the whole team. Production and morale are dropping.
Whose problem is it? Yours and theirs – yours because it is impacting the team and the quality of work; theirs because they are the ones who need to solve it.
Solution: You have to speak up and let them know their behavior is not acceptable and needs to change. You can invite them to find a way to manage – but in all likelihood, you will need to bring in a mediator or facilitator. (This is not the time to have a team building activity about getting along!)
How do you do it:

Decide if you want to start the conversation individually or with them both together – it may depend on how bad it is and how comfortable you are with conflict.
- Let them know the impact they are having on the team.
- Ask them if they have suggestions for solving the problem.
- Offer to bring in a mediator or facilitator to resolve it with them.
- Be clear that the behavior cannot continue.
Bring in a facilitator or mediator (either internal or external to your organization) and be at the first meeting – making clear that you share in this problem because of the impact on the team. You need it resolved and will attend meetings as needed to help implement a solution.
Hold everyone accountable for their behavior. You might need to be very specific about the behaviors.

Who can help? A coach, mediator or facilitator – check with your HR department to see what they have to offer.
Situation 3:
You are aware that your team is not happy. Performance is down, absenteeism is up. You are not sure what is going on and you’d really like things to be better.
Solution: Start with a coach or consultant who can help you get a better handle on where the problem is.
How do you do it?

Be honest with your coach about your strengths and your weaknesses. If you are not sure, the coach may provide some assessments for you and/or for the team. Be prepared to learn more about yourself. Are you open to change?
Once you are clearer about the areas that need to be addressed, you and your coach can consider the best intervention strategies.
- What do you need to do?
- What do you need from your team?
- How do you present the information?
- How do you monitor and hold everyone accountable?

Who can help? A coach – internal or external to your organization – but someone with whom you can be honest and vulnerable. (It should not be someone in your immediate supervisory chain.)
And finally, we get to Situation 4: Team building, training and facilitation!!!
You recognize that your team has areas that can be strengthened. You’ve addressed individual concerns and you’ve made some commitments to your own growth as a leader. You know the direction you want to take and you are prepared to hold yourself and others accountable. You want to see your team collaborate and support each other more. You know this will require a change in culture where they understand they are all responsible for results. This could include: helping a team member who is overworked, catching an error – fixing it and sharing the info with the team member, coming up with ideas to make things work better, hearing team members thank each other, compliment each other and celebrate each other.
How do you do it?

Let your team know your plan – why you are asking them to participate, what you want to see and how you will hold each other accountable.
Participate with your team – make it clear it is about “all of us,” not about “them.”
Know that to make a lasting change, there will need to be more than a single one-hour magic bullet. Let the team know how you see this unfolding.
Have a plan for accountability – and/or invite the team to develop a plan.
Follow your plan.

Who can help: Coach, trainer, facilitator, you and your team!
When I get to work with a team that is really ready for change, it is amazing and fun for everyone.
So use your time and money wisely to get the very best results possible. And remember, your role as a leader makes all the difference. When you’ve set the stage, great things can happen.
For more information, check out these sources.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/rita-balian-allen/the-value-of-coaching-a-b_b_12750080.html
Lencioni, P. The Advantage. 2012. Jossey-Bass.
Patterson, K. et al. 2011. Crucial conversations. McGraw-Hill.