Advice – Thunderbird Leadership Consulting

Disability Discrimination: Disabled People are “just People”!

Marcie McCleary on July 21, 2022

by Marcie McCleary

Wow, I was so excited! This was the first trip I’d taken in a LONG time! And it was a girl’s get-a- way! My best friend and I were flying to Santa Fe to stay with a very good high school friend I hadn’t seen in more than 40 years!

Of course we were all older now. On top of age, I had been diagnosed with a rare neurological disease and was losing the strength in my legs. So, Connie and I planned on using my lightweight, manual wheelchair to get me around the airports and for sightseeing in Santa Fe.

As “normal” as I felt, I soon learned that others did not see me that way.

At the airport, the airline staff responded to me in different ways. Some acted super sweet and concerned, calling me “sweetie” and trying hard to help. Others looked away and pretended they didn’t see me. When we landed in New Mexico, I had an odd experience. The airline attendant in the airport did not talk to me at all. In fact, she acted like I was unable to talk or understand what she had to say. So she only directed her questions to my friend, and asked “are you making a connection or going to baggage claim?” and “do I need to get someone to push her?” Maybe I’m oversensitive about having to use a chair, but the response of the airline people cast a shadow over my vacation. This experience also made me realize how our society tends to treat people in wheelchairs and/or with physical disabilities in general.

It seems there are various ways people respond to those with disabilities. Maybe it’s time to think about this issue. As a recently disabled person, I’ve noticed that some people literally look down at us, choosing to ignore us, or act as if we must have other disabilities, i.e. we’re deaf or mute or mentally challenged, which is usually not the case at all. Others overdo it and treat us like we’re totally helpless children. There has to be a happy medium here. How about acting like disabled people are “just people who happen to have a disability”? Rather than ignoring us or making a huge fuss over us, how about just including us”? And, hopefully, in this time when so much of the world is suffering, how about treating all people warmly and directly?

Like this airline person, I’ve noticed others who seem very uncomfortable around people in wheelchairs. A more recent encounter clearly displays disability discrimination. I was at a medical appointment at a rehabilitation hospital. When I was done, I contacted Lyft to get a ride home.

It took the driver a while to get there and, when he did, he drove by me (in my wheelchair) slowly but did not stop or attempt to talk to me when I tried flagging him down. In fact, he refused to roll his window down or talk to me at all. When the valet approached his car, the driver rolled his window down a little bit and the valet asked him what was going on. The driver said “I might be able to fit her wheelchair in, but I’d rather not give her a ride.” The valet was surprised and asked “are you saying you won’t give her a ride?” The driver said “No, I won’t.” The valet asked him to leave the premises, which he did. This whole experience left me breathless! What had I done to deserve this kind of treatment? The fact that I was at a rehab hospital should have clued the driver in but, clearly, it did not.

Eventually, another Lyft car showed up to drive me home. The car was about the same size as the previous one, and the new driver had no problem fitting my foldable chair in the trunk. When I got home, I emailed Lyft to tell them what had happened. There was no apology but they did refund the $5 charge for a “missed ride” and said they would not pair me with that driver in the future!

I don’t know what the solution is, but I do know that our society has a general problem when it comes to dealing with those with disabilities.

Some suggestions:

Don’t gawk at or act afraid of people in wheelchairs or with physical differences. I think most of us with a disability prefer to be treated in the same way other non-disabled folks are treated.
If you’re talking to a person with a physical disability, look them in the eye and speak to them just as you would speak to anyone; in other words, don’t make a spectacle of them.
If the disabled person is struggling to open a door or move in a crowd, don’t hesitate to offer a hand.

An even larger issue for those of us using wheelchairs is accessibility.

Obviously, there are places (cities, streets and buildings, etc.) that are not accessible for wheelchairs. My experience in Santa Fe brought this issue to the surface. As an older, very historical town, the streets, sidewalks, and curbs were hard to navigate, and my friends had to help me.

I think accessibility in new construction is paramount. Steps, narrow entryways or hallways, heavy doors, and high elevator buttons are usually too difficult for us to deal with. Restaurants with all booths, high bars, or tight seating need to think about how they can make their facility more inviting and approachable.

Lastly, I would just say I think our society as a whole needs to be kind and inclusive of everyone, no matter our situation or differences.

The Winding Road

Kevin Monaco on April 3, 2022

It sounds so simple, but no one had ever told me: The road is winding and wide. I wasn’t aware because most people I knew pursued only one road: The Straight and Narrow. I don’t mean ‘honest’ and ‘moral’ here. I mean ‘straight’ and ‘narrow’– the complete opposite of ‘winding’ and ‘wide’.

Here in Cleveland, we joke that there are only two seasons; winter and construction. You always have to be ready with an alternative route. You can almost never take the most direct path. You must first go south before you can go west, or a little east before you can go north. And don’t forget about rush hour traffic! You’re in it for the long haul. Luckily, there are multiple ways to get to where you’re going.

During a challenging health journey in my late 20s, I began to examine my life more deeply than I ever had up to that point. I felt as though I was headed in the wrong direction, particularly with my career and my life’s dedication. I yearned to be creative again, like I was when I was younger. I wanted to make beautiful creations, important calls-to-action that people admired and felt moved by. I wanted to inspire others with my passion and energy. I felt I knew where I should be, where I always wanted to be, but that place was somewhere on the other side of town. It was a place I was very unfamiliar with, and quite frankly, terrified of.

And so I began to talk with someone about my struggles. The more I spoke about it, the more aware I was of the panic bubbling up inside of me. I was operating on autopilot. I wasn’t engaged or enthusiastic about the work I was doing. I felt undervalued and overworked. I felt disappointed in myself for not having a clearer direction for my life, a more solid plan. I chastised myself because I had allowed this to happen, and now, nearly ten years into my career at that point, I felt trapped and confused. Was this ever really what I wanted to do? What about all the years of education I went through? The degrees I earned? The time I’d already invested at my workplace? It all seemed like a big waste.

Through my sadness, my therapist offered this simple but impactful perspective: Life is not a straight and narrow path. It is a jagged and twisty, multi-lane roadway, full of construction and bus stops. It is a series of onramps and offramps, and sometimes you have to go far out of your way to get back on track. Sometimes you are driving with poor visibility, and sometimes you’re driving through clear skies with the top down. But you are always moving. Even if you stop momentarily, life beckons you to hit the gas once again.

I spent a lot of time with this analogy. I thought about what it meant to view my life as a winding road. I thought about all the events of my life that I am grateful for, and I began to notice the twisted roads that led me to them. Of course life is not a straightforward path! There are reasons for this, and here are a few I’ve learned from my experience since then.

1) Life is a series of stops and detours that provides us with feedback on how we are responding and growing as people.

Quite simply put, we do not know what we do not yet know. I like to view my life experiences as a variety of roadside diners. I discover new joints that I love, and others…well, I won’t be coming back for seconds. Use these experiences to fuel change and discover what makes you ‘tick’. By means of detouring and rerouting, I begin to learn my way around town. I discover the bumpy roads, the carefree highways, the heavily patrolled areas, and the places I want to avoid in the future. At 15 years old, I was afraid to drive up that freeway onramp for the first time, but I learned something every time I tried, and it got easier. Learning more about myself and my surroundings has been key to uncovering my personal path and purpose.

2) We may need to have certain experiences that drive us forward, even if they seem counterproductive.

We may not be ready for a particular ‘point of interest’ yet. That is the bottom line. We may have to acquire some skills, be jolted into some serious reflection, meet some new people, or overcome a challenge before we are prepared to arrive at that destination. Even if you feel restless and anxious, this is a process that asks you to honor your current location. This is where you are today, and there is incredible power in that realization. Each twist and turn is teaching you to become a better driver, and you will be better-equipped to handle future roadblocks. Perhaps a new road will open up now that you’re no longer headed south on the old one. In this way, no experience is a lost cause. No credential, skill, or relationship is a waste of time. No seemingly counterproductive event has forever put you in reverse. You are a master navigator! Even as you are reading and reflecting on this post, you are fine-tuning your route.

I’m reminded of an SNL Weekend Update skit where Leslie Jones talks to Colin Jost about Oprah Winfrey’s experience being fired as a young intern. Jost remarks what a mistake it was for those executives to fire Oprah! “No it wasn’t!” Leslie claps back. “…‘Cause she wasn’t Oprah. She was just some 23-year-old punk, who needed to get fired, so she could become ‘Oprah’!”

3) Trust that if we set the destination, life will align the right people and situations to get us there.

Life is a complicated web of connections and networks. We’ve all heard of the six degrees of separation concept. Whether there are actually six is not the point. We can be sure that there is at least one path for every destination we plan for. From a vantage point much greater than any mirror or car camera can provide, you have already initiated a chain reaction that is shifting the tides to make things happen.

I have always had many interests. But since I can remember, I always wanted to be a singer and songwriter. There was one problem: I was terrified to put myself out there for people to hear. Over the years, I gradually turned my back on my love of music. Quite some time later, I decided I owed it to myself to forge down that path once again and take a look around! In the last three years, I have now performed many times for an audience, but I had to get through a few hazardous conditions before I could open up. Some were even completely unrelated to music! My original plan had me arriving at my destination really early. Improperly early. It was in my best interest to slow down and take the scenic route. I began to notice the parts of my previous career that had prepared me for an audience. I noticed the new experiences I was having that were encouraging me out of my shell. I noticed the unique and fun moments I was having as a result of this new route–ones I would never have dreamt possible.

I know that it may take you, as it has taken me, some time to get used to this winding road. We are prodded down narrow paths, raised with absolutes, and told it’s ‘my way or the highway!’ We begin to neglect our own navigation system, and we forget who is driving the car.

76-year-old American actor, singer, dancer, and director, André De Shields, offered this piece of advice during his first Tony Award acceptance speech in 2019: “Slowly is the fastest way to get to where you want to be.” So let’s try not to be anxious drivers. The pace and course of your journey has been designed specifically for you. If it feels misguided or too slow, take a deep breath, and stay curious about your surroundings. Ask yourself what you are meant to learn at this time. Find out what is working and what isn’t working for you. Reach out and ask for directions. Discover how you will do things differently next time. If the traffic is too noisy, roll up the windows and put on your favorite playlist! If we settle into the moment, we allow the next turn to reveal itself.

Above all, remember that life is a process of growth opportunities. There is more to our stories than just the beginnings and ends. We can be motivated by the destination, or we can be excited about the road trip itself. Afterall, the real adventure is in the winding detours.

Curb Your Complaining

Carla J. Rotering, MD, M.A. on February 7, 2022

by Dr. Carla Rotering

“The only thing complaining does is convince other people that you are not in control.”– Unknown

There’s an old saying that “misery loves company” – and over the last couple of years, things may feel pretty miserable to many if not most of us. It seems a natural extension to transfer what we experience into the act of complaining.

Complaining and connecting with those who share our disturbance not only provides some emotional release but it also creates a place of belonging. Who doesn’t want to spend time with people who “get” what we are talking about – who notice the same miserable things we do, push against the same miserable boundaries we do, and complain about the same miserable details that we do? We become misery buddies, an exclusive club of complainers, operating with the belief that we are bonding and validating one another through our shared complaints.

We are inherently social beings, and as humans we have the capacity for neuronal mirroring. Mirroring happens when mirror neurons in the premotor cortex area of your brain respond to an observed behavior or mood of another person as if YOU were actually engaged in that behavior or mood yourself! So rather than finding comfort and relief, as we unconsciously mimic moods and behaviors, we actually deepen our misery and ultimately habituate the practice of complaining. That habit of complaining doesn’t make anyone happy. And you don’t even have to be the complainer!! Studies show that 30 minutes of LISTENING to someone complain impacts our health and wellbeing just as much as BEING the complainer for that 30 minutes. The average person complains between 15 – 30 times a day, according to Will Bowen, author of “A Complaint-Free World”.

Have you ever heard the saying “Neurons that fire together wire together”? Neuroscience tells us that repetitive complaining, like any repetitive behavior, re-wires our brains so that the neurons branch out toward each other to create a more permanent bridge, making future complaining more likely. Over time, it becomes easier to be negative by defaulting to this now-established neural pathway than it is to be positive, which would require the creation of a new pathway – and that holds true even when what is happening around us changes for the better!

Mission.org explains this phenomenon perfectly:

“The more you complain about things like flakey friends or being asked to push up a project’s

deadline, the more neurons in your brain stitch themselves together to easily

facilitate this kind of information. Before you know it, complaining becomes so

easy for your brain to grasp, you start doing it without even consciously registering

the behavior.”

A Stanford University study using high resolution MRI’s found that complaining or listening to complaining can result in actual damage to our brains by shrinking the hippocampus. Equally concerning, chronic high cortisol levels, besides triggering our flight-or-fight response, are now thought to damage the hippocampus in the same way. The hippocampus is an area critical to memory formation, learning, emotional regulation and problem solving. It is also one of the primary areas of the brain destroyed in Alzheimer’s Disease.

Who wants that??? And what can we do to shift?

Here is a summary of tips offered by the Cleveland Clinic to interrupt the habit of complaint – whether you notice it in yourself or your peers, friends, family:

Look at the big picture – will this really matter in 5 minutes/months/years? If the answer is “yes” see #5
Ask yourself if this IS the issue? Is “this” (whatever it is) really pushing your buttons or is there something going on that is deeper, harder, more personal.
Make it a game! Wear a bracelet or rubber band around your wrist – and every time you notice yourself complaining (even silently) shift it to the opposite wrist. The goal is to keep your rubber-band bracelet on the same wrist for longer and longer periods of time.
Share legitimate concerns in the right time and place – not on social media, not in a public hallway or shared space.
When something really matters, share your concern in a way that is seen as helpful rather than critical. Be a part of the solution!
When you offer a valid complaint, start and end with a positive statement. When we start with negative words, no one can hear anything else we say. When we end with negative words, no one can remember what we said before. This sandwiches your concern between caring statements– and makes all the difference to others and to YOU!!
Practice gratitude. If negativity has become a habit for you or those around you, noticing one small thing daily for which you are thankful can begin to forge a new, positive neural pathway!!

Our invitation to you is to experiment with a “no complaint day” – and see what happens to your energy, your mood, your level of contentment and satisfaction.

And if you like it, start building new neuronal bridges!!!

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-stop-complaining-7-secrets-to-being-happier/

https://news.stanford.edu/pr/96/960814shrnkgbrain.html

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6616250/

https://www.southernliving.com/news/complaining-changes-your-brain

https://m1psychology.com/complaining-is-bad-for-your-brain/

The Imposter Syndrome – How to shift your self-doubting thoughts

Amy Steinbinder on July 25, 2021

Yikes! Surely, someone is going to recognize I really am not that smart, that I have been lucky – in the right place at the right time. How long will I be able to keep this secret? Can my family, friends, and colleagues see the real me? Yes, I have accomplished a great deal, but truly, it has all happened by chance.

These types of thoughts are common for professionals who are experiencing Imposter Syndrome, a phenomenon first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes.

I recall going through my professional life and believing my opportunities and achievements resulted from what I called the “Mr. Magoo phenomenon”. If you aren’t familiar with this nearsighted cartoon character, let me explain. Mr. Magoo had a TV series in the 1960’s. His extreme nearsightedness led him into harrowing predicaments, yet always, just in the nick of time, Mr. Magoo would take the right action that would lead him to his desired outcome.

Well, I felt my career was a lot like Mr. Magoo. I would find myself not knowing which direction to take in my clinical career, in different leadership positions, and even in academic pursuits. But just as I was feeling most confused, a great option presented itself and the choice was made. As each of these “lucky” occurrences reinforced my belief in mitigating circumstances rather than my own talent, abilities and experiences, the notion of being an imposter was confirmed.

Research is replete with information on the Imposter Syndrome. In fact, did you know more than 70% of us experience feelings of being an imposter at some time or another? There are many highly accomplished people who admit they too have felt like an imposter. Maya Angelou, a three-time Grammy award winner, Tom Hanks who appears in more than 70 films and John Steinbeck a literary giant – all shared something in common at times during their careers – they described themselves as feeling like frauds. However, they were able to overcome these doubts to have amazing, successful careers.

So, what can the rest of us do to overcome imposter syndrome paralysis when it happens? I asked two of my colleagues at Thunderbird Leadership Consulting to share their wisdom and useful tips to navigate the perils of imposter syndrome.

Carla J. Rotering, a physician, coach and consultant, takes the approach of embracing the self-doubt.

Carla J. Rotering

“Imposter syndrome is nearly a universal phenomenon regardless of the ‘outer image’ we may see in others. Nearly everyone has almost certainly felt like a fraud at some point. It’s what we do, and it often creates the fear of being ‘found out’ and exposed. There are lots of suggested ways to manage that fear. I personally use a way that at first may feel a little harsh – and yet it is the thought that has proven the most useful for me.

“What if I simply say it is true? I am an imposter. We are all imposters. There is a standard out there somewhere called ‘perfect’ and that is the bar we have set for ourselves. But we are not perfect, any of us. The human condition is simply imperfect by definition. Any claim of perfection is therefore fraudulent.

“When I can recognize that – without judgment, but just with awareness of that FACT – I can tap into a more authentic, humble self. I can use my ‘imposter’ moment as a springboard to growth, learning, and fresh thought. I can let my ego off the hook and alleviate my own suffering and shame. I can lay that useless emotion aside, and then I can acknowledge what I don’t know, ask for assistance when I need it, and lean into the well of information, wisdom, and knowledge that will allow me to grow closer to that bar to which I aspire.

“I can realize I am human – that I am and (hopefully) always will be a work in progress.”

When Nathan Bachofsky experiences Imposter Syndrome, he turns to mentors to seek a reality check.

“I have wrestled with Imposter Syndrome at many points throughout my career and still experience relapses from time to time. A few years ago, I made a transition into a new role that required more of me in terms of leadership and responsibility. There were many challenges that came with this transition that left me feeling like maybe I was not ready or enough.

I found great comfort in the counsel of my trusted mentors. It helped immensely for me to open up about my challenges to then hear an esteemed mentor in my field say, ‘Oh yes, I felt that way many times,’ or ‘I am still waiting for someone to realize they hired the wrong person’ I thought, ‘Wait, THEY went through this? But they are so confident and successful!’

“We can shine a light on the darkness of Imposter Syndrome through the vulnerable act of sharing our experiences with others and reinforcing the notion that no one is alone in this feeling. I have found my experience with Imposter Syndrome to ebb and flow, but by talking openly about it and maintaining positive affirmations, my relapses can be drastically shortened.”

If you or any of your colleagues are experiencing feelings of being a fake or being lucky in your achievements, know that you are not alone and that you too can shift your thinking. If you’d like to talk to one of our team at Thunderbird Leadership Consulting, please feel free to reach out to us at info@thunderbirdleadership.com

To Develop Good Judgment…

Jill Bachman, MSN on January 21, 2020

Did you make any decisions for the new year? In our last blog Rory offered a reflective approach using four questions as a guide to help readers act to create a meaningful 2020. In thinking about decisions to act, I came across an interesting article about good judgment ^[1] by Sir Andrew Likierman. ^[2] The author and others contend that even though we may think we have all the information in the world, if we do not have ‘good judgment’, our decisions can be doomed.
Likierman offers this definition of judgment: the ability to combine personal qualities with relevant knowledge and experience to form options and make decisions. Judgment is at the “core of exemplary leadership” according to Noel Tichy and Warren Bennis in their book Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls ^[3]. They believe that judgment calls are the single marker of leadership.
To me, making a judgment as a process is clear, but the qualitative aspect of good judgment seems muddier, especially since the outcome of that judgment can often be seen as good or bad, depending on the viewer. I remember my father telling me that I obviously lacked good judgment when as a teenager I did something he didn’t like. . . I missed my curfew because I had to find someone other than the boy I came with to the party (now inebriated) to drive me home. I thought my judgment was pretty good. He disagreed.
Likierman’s article, based on interviews with CEOs and leaders from a broad range of companies, lays out six fundamental leadership practices that are at the heart of good judgment: learning, trust, experience, detachment, options and delivery. He concludes each practice with suggestions for how to improve it.
As you review these practices and recommendations, I invite you use them as an assessment. How do they apply to you, to your organization or community group, perhaps your colleagues?

Is there a recent decision that did not turn out as you expected, in spite of your being as thoughtful and prepared as possible?
Are you struggling with how to create a culture where diverse opinions are truly sought and welcome?
Does your organization suffer from a bias for quick action rather than good judgment?
Could your hiring process benefit from a makeover?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, we’d love to hear from you. Contact us at 602-538-2548 or 602-615-1192. We have the skills and experience to assist you on your journey.

Learning: Listen attentively, read critically

Good listening is at the core of every book and article I’ve ever read about leadership. I’m sure you too can state all the reasons why attentive listening is so important. Likierman makes the point that the listener is really mining for information. Smart leaders, he says, demand quality, press for it even, in the information they receive. Volume isn’t important, in fact it’s distracting in our era of information overload. Is it well-reasoned and clearly explained, are conclusions obvious? He also points out our human tendency to take the written word at face value, rather than consider it with a healthy dose of skepticism.
How to improve listening and reading:

Ask deep and thoughtful uncovering questions and consider body language to bring forth what isn’t said.
Look for gaps and discrepancies in what we’re learning.
Be aware of our own filters and biases. . . do we rely on one point of view, one news or business news source only? Do we know what makes us defensive and likely to reject something uncomfortable?

Trust: Seek diversity, not validation

Examples abound of executives and leaders who insulate themselves by choosing to be surrounded by like-minded people. It is not uncommon for those companies to experience large scale failures, if they are big enough, and failure to thrive if they are small. Though it is comfortable to be with people who share the same world view, that need for comfort should be saved for after hours. It is only in integrating diverse perspectives that we will have access to all the information needed for good judgment.
How to enhance a culture for broader points of view:

Cultivate sources of trusted advice.
Find people who will tell you what you need to know, not what you want to hear.
Seek out different points of view. Ask for them, don’t wait for someone to timidly come forth because they see things differently than you.
Learn to evaluate the process of someone’s judgment. Try to discover how someone arrives at a decision and action as well as a project’s outcomes.

Experience: Make it relevant but not narrow

There is much to be said for hiring someone who has a lot of experience in your industry, but make sure there is breadth to it as well as depth. Someone who has years of experience in a fairly narrow niche, for example, out-patient surgery, may find themselves making “easy” judgments out of habit, or overconfidence or familiarity.
How to improve the experience factor:

Evaluate your own past experiences honestly in making good and bad judgments. Review those situations to see what else you can learn.
Recruit a smart friend who can look over your shoulder and be a neutral critic.
Work to expand the breadth of your own experience.

Detachment: Identify, then challenge biases

The skill of detachment is a difficult one to master because it requires us to set our egos aside and remove any personal connection to a particular outcome. Acting with detachment is easier if we are able to understand and address our own biases.
Some ways to improve detachment:

Understand, clarify and accept points of view different from your own.
Try out role plays and simulations, letting people take on different perspectives to see what they learn.
Support leadership development programs; they broaden exposure to leaders with different thinking, experiences and points of view.
Assume that mistakes will occur. Plan for them.

Options: Question the solution set offered

The author makes the point that even though you might be offered two options to choose from, often as not there are more options that haven’t even been considered. There are always more. Not taking action is an option as well as delaying a decision. It is important to explore as many options as possible and try to surface the unintended consequences of each.
Improve your options:

Press for clarity on poorly presented information, challenge it if information is missing.
Be aware of two risks associated with novel solutions – stress and overconfidence – and mitigate them if possible through piloting one or two before full implementation.
Understand that people often have personal stakes in an outcome. Try to figure that out and factor in others’ biases.
Be aware of the rules and the ethics that will bound a good judgment.

Delivery: Factor in the feasibility of execution

You can make all the right choices but lose out if you don’t exercise judgment in how and by whom those decisions will be carried out. What are the risks of half-hearted or poorly thought out implementation plans? Likierman points out that people with flair, charisma, creativity and imagination may not be in the best position to deliver the results you seek.
Ways to improve on the good options:

Make sure the people you choose to implement have the type of experience that closely matches up with its context.
Seek out ideas from your team about what might cause a proposal to fail.
Do not let yourself be pressured by an arbitrary timeline if you don’t have the right implementers.

There is a lot to be learned about the science and art of leadership. If, as Tichy and Bennis claim, judgment calls are truly the single mark of a leader, looking for ways to turn our OK judgments into good ones is well worth the effort. If you made some new decisions for 2020, reviewing and following the points above could strengthen your results. . . Good luck! And give us a call if you’d like to discuss your situation and how we can assist.
PLEASE NOTE: We are making some improvements to our website in February. Look for the return of our blog in March.
^[1]https://hbr.org/2020/01/the-elements-of-good-judgment (accessed 1/14/20)
^[2]Sir Andrew Likierman is a professor at London Business School and a director of Times Newspapers and the Beazley Group, both also in London. He has served as dean at LBS and is a former director of the Bank of England.
^[3]Tichy, Noel and Bennis, Warren. 2007. Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls. Penguin Group.

Tip of the Month, December 2019 – Reflections II – TIPS from this year’s Summit

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on December 17, 2019

Jill began to highlight the events at this year’s Summit in her last post. I thought I’d format the second part of our Summit reflection as TIPS. What did we learn, what can we take away?
I really appreciated the balance of evidence-based information as well as the exploration of personal renewal at this year’s Summit. Here are some highlights.

When dealing with multiple generations in the workplace, first and foremost, see your employees as individuals.

Dustin Fennell talked about managing multiple generations in the workplace and ultimately concluded that we are not that different after all. He emphasized a wise, long-standing leadership practice: see your employees as individuals, learn about them – what excites them, motivates them and affirms them, and use that information to support and encourage them. His personal strategy is to:

Value each employee’s perspectives, talents, experiences, ideas and uniqueness
Make caring visible through your presence, your appreciation and your acknowledgement of their feelings
Provide them with something to believe in – provide vision, purpose and their part in it
Know what makes each employee tick
Enable their success

I would also add that learning about general tendencies of different generations may help you understand why people approach things the way they do. When people behave contrary to our personal expectations and norms, it is easy to discount them as rude, uncaring, insensitive, unmotivated, unprofessional, etc. When we understand different cultures, generations, DiSC styles, personality types, etc. we gain insights that can help us override our own personal preferences and assumptions.
So, absolutely yes, to learning about and valuing our employee’s unique needs, drives and perspectives as Dustin recommended…and when you get lost in your own assumptions, you might want to research how someone might see things another way.

Confidence and self-assurance are critical to success. How they present may be gender linked. There are strategies to strengthen one’s confidence and self-assurance.

Mara Windsor presented on issues of confidence and gender and brought compelling research that suggests that women may not be as confident as men because of differences in genetics. Check out The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. Whether confidence is genetically or socially influenced (or both!), there are things we can do to strengthen our sense of confidence. Her suggestions include:

Know that you are not alone – find safe places to share your concerns about confidence.
Stop attributing your success to luck.
Take credit for your accomplishments.
Don’t get caught up in perfectionism (over-preparing, over-rehearsing)
Take action, take risks, fail fast and keep going!

We choose how we respond to situations and people’s actions.

Another theme emerged numerous times during the Summit recognizing that we have the ability to manage our emotions and reactions to things…nothing “makes us” angry. We interpret input and choose how we respond. This message came through in our “café conversations,” (brief small group opportunities exploring different themes about leadership) as well as in Noushin Bayat’s presentation about Leading from Within.
I trained as a therapist in a former career life and relate these concepts to cognitive-behavioral therapy. We receive input, interpret it (in a nanosecond) and then respond with feelings. Several of the groups in our café conversations wandered into that arena. Colleen Hallberg’s topic stands out as it stated it the most clearly, “It is only information.” Wow!
Think about meetings where things feel uncomfortable. Rather than getting lost in the emotion, what can we ask ourselves? What is happening here? What can I learn from this? I can step back and assess the data I am receiving. What is it telling me? When we recognize that we have a choice in our interpretation and response, we are empowered to take control of our role in the situation.
At a previous Summit, Noushin quoted Rumi, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” Those words continue to resonate in her presentation – finding space outside of right or wrong, win or lose to breathe, reflect and reconnect with what and who is important. As leaders, finding this space and time is essential to our effectiveness. Noushin’s gentle words belie a powerful way of being.

Use an Appreciative Leadership approach to respond effectively to complex work environments by identifying and building on what is working.

Kathy Malloch provided a preview to her recent work with partner, Tim Porter-O’Grady, on their new approach to leadership. (We are waiting for the book to come out.) Some key learnings from Kathy’s presentation include five core strategies of Appreciative Leadership. Consider how you could shift your mindset to be a more appreciative leader and how these approaches could change your organizational culture and results.

Inquiry rather than inquisition
Illumination (strength finding rather than fault finding)
Inclusion (intentional strategies rather than just an invitation to participate)
Inspiration (envisioning a greater future)
Integrity (setting personal boundaries)

Kathy asked a series of provocative questions that are beyond what we can list here.
We’ll continue to share what we learned in future posts. There was enough to help us plan our 2020 topics! So, count on us to revisit confidence, generations and appreciative leadership. We really appreciated all the inspiration we received from the day and are already looking forward to next year. Mark your calendars for Friday, November 13, 2020.
We also continue to appreciate the generosity of our participants who contributed over $2,500 in our Silent Auction. Proceeds will be split between the National Alliance to End Homelessness (https://endhomelessness.org) selected by the Summit planning team and the Yarnell Regional Community Center (https://yarnellcommunitycenter.org) selected by a drawing of organizations recommended by our participants.
And finally, I want to recognize the work of Carla Rotering and Kevin Monaco who provided an amazing time of meditation and reflection. Kevin shared his music with us (https://kevinmonacomusic.com), and I want to conclude our reflections and the year with words from a magnificent poem Carla shared with us during the meditation. At this time of year, may we all celebrate, reflect and appreciate our own gifts and the gifts of those around us.
From WINTER TREE
For my mother Rosemary
November 14, 1930 – November 14, 1965
Aruba, August 2002.
Carla J. Rotering, MD ©
Is there any way I’ll have enough time or enough courage or enough whatever I need enough of
To take the grace of the ordinary and recognize holiness?
To just come into agreement….
And allow one breath,
One single diastole
To solemnly be splendid?
To magnify the simplicity of my heart that moves and shifts everything into the world of sanctity?
If there is, I’m ready for it.
I’m ready to bring forth my heart, in its small, red roundness
To be pierced with utmost tenderness
And there stand open and revealed
Without the shield of my terrible fears to frighten away the gods.
To stand in the light of who I am
And to sit in the power of my own Presence
For one single moment
Even if everyone….or no one….ever notices.

Tip of the Month, November 2019 – Management Tips for Employees who Coast

Dustin Fennell on November 12, 2019

Jill Bachman’s blog article last month addressed the idea of coasting at work from an employee perspective (click here to read). She described healthy coasting as the need to take a breath as part of a work life cycle and compared it to problematic coasting as an avoidance strategy when the individual is unhappy, burned out, bored or dealing with work/personal issues.
As a manager, your role is to observe behaviors and intervene to attain organizational outcomes. How do you differentiate healthy from problematic coasting and how do you address coasting?
Let’s be clear that coasting is not the same as underperforming. If you have an employee who is not fulfilling their work obligations, not meeting deadlines or completing assignments, or the quality is substandard, these things must be addressed within your company guidelines.
The question is more compelling when you see an employee who appears to be stepping back, not volunteering for new assignments or offering to help, perhaps appearing less engaged, enthusiastic or passionate about the work.
This is a great time to check in.
First of all, assess your own values. What is your belief about “coasting?” Is it ever okay? Does it fit with the company culture? Start-ups rarely have space and time for coasting, but in organization life cycles there are different stages, as with employee life cycles.
One organizational life cycle paradigm describes four stages: start-up, growth, maturity and rebirth or decline. Consider it the same way for employees. Usually there is great enthusiasm from newly hired employees. They remain actively engaged for the first two to three years, learning, volunteering, growing more valuable to the company.
Then, there is the “maturity” phase where they have mastered their position, understand the company, its values and direction and are doing solid to great work. At this point, they have the ability to coast a little. They are comfortable where they are. Employee engagement studies, however, find that this time can be the beginning of an engagement decline. Enthusiasm wanes and commitment lessens.
In an organization, this is the juncture where an organization reinvents itself or begins a decline into irrelevance and/or non-competitiveness. Organizations need to revisit their mission and unique position in the field, analyze external pressures and disruptors, and identify new directions. Where will they be in three to five years?
For employees, it is time to analyze where they are now and where they want to be in three to five years. This is the time, as their manager to have the following conversations.

What is happening in their lives right now? If they have health issues, family concerns, a new baby or are in a graduate program, it might be understandable if they coast (perform well but not grow) for a limited amount of time. If you are invested in long-term retention, understand that there will be such times and support the employee through them.
Where are they in their own career life cycle?
- How long have they been with the company/organization? In their current job? If it has been more than 2 – 3years, this is a time to discuss what they value in their work, what they have achieved and how they want to grow – going deeper in the current position.
- Have they tried to advance but not succeeded? What do they need to move up?
  - More education, skills, experience?
  - Are there problems/deficits that they need to work on – addressing both hard and soft skills?
  - Is it possible in the current work environment? Not enough openings, culture or climate that prefers hiring at that level from outside?
  - If they do not move up, can you re-engage them in the current position or is it time to help them think about their next career move?
- Are they close to retirement?
  - Are you assuming they do not want to learn or try new things? Are you dis-engaging them by not offering opportunities?
  - What are they interested in doing with the time they have left with the company?
  - How can the organization capitalize on their knowledge, skills and experience?
  - Are you concerned with their performance but don’t want to invest in what is required to change it? Are you just waiting it out until they retire? (Is this good for them, you, the organization?)
- What is happening in the organizational culture that might be impacting their passion, enthusiasm and performance?
  - Mergers and acquisitions as well as major changes in policies and/or leadership are all known to reduce performance during the transition.
    - Recognize that this will occur for a period of time.
    - Use proven communication interventions to reduce the duration and impact.
      - Provide open and honest communication about what is occurring and why. Know you will have to repeat communication often to reassure folks.
      - Acknowledge personal impact both professionally and emotionally – what is happening in their day to day existence?
      - As a leader, be clear about what is going on, avoid cynicism and be patient with folks who are uncomfortable with change.
    - Toxic employees who are allowed to continue destructive behaviors result in demoralized, unmotivated employees.
      - Some organizations will keep these folks around if they are bringing in good money. It is important to assess how much the organization is losing because of their impact on other employees. Look at turnover, time consuming avoidance measures and lack of productivity in others.
      - If you are hearing concerns from other employees, pay attention and do something. This is a place where bias can often show up so that complaints are not taken seriously. e.g. if it is two women who are having concerns, it suddenly becomes a “cat fight,” or employees are told they are grown-ups and need to handle it themselves. When you disregard these concerns, you are making a statement about your organization’s cultural values. Think about it.

In all circumstances, it is important to be clear about expectations. Do employees understand what you consider meeting and/or exceeding expectations? Is it acceptable to just meet expectations? Is that coasting? Is there any value to exceeding expectations? This can be monetary (bonuses), advancement or recognition.
I know that I prefer to work in an environment where everyone is excited, committed and passionate about their work, that people support each other and want to go the extra mile. It adds meaning and satisfaction to my work life. I have had the privilege of working with teams that shared that energy. And even then, we knew it was important to find time to take a breath, to step back, appreciate what we accomplished, and celebrate. After that pause we felt ready to tackle the next question, where do we go from here?
To wrap up, remember the comparison to weight training. We need time between sets to recover. When we never let up, we risk injury to our bodies, our minds and our souls. We can do this in short spurts during the workday, through vacations and through occasional lower-demand times in our work lives. We can use these coasting times to rekindle our energy and strengthen our commitment.

Tip of the Month, October 2019 – Tips on Repurposing….Leadership

Jill Bachman, MSN on October 8, 2019

Last month the Thunderbird blog featured Dr. Carla Rotering’s honor of a Healthcare Heroes Lifetime Achievement Award from the Phoenix Business Journal. The story she tells about living the early years of her life in a boxcar which was repurposed into a cozy home reminded me of the value of repurposing. And it got me to thinking about repurpose in a broader sense than physical recycling.
When I first retired from full time employment I worried about my purpose. Who would I be if I wasn’t a (fill in the blank)? Where would my worth and value come from? I knew those were questions that others anticipating retirement were facing too, so I decided to process the issues and gain perspective by writing a blog called Re:Purpose. Before the blog ended someone suggested that I concern myself less with the actual purpose, and more with repurposing the skills I had gained, applying them to the new areas of my life waiting to be discovered. Repurposing . . . applying or using something in a fresh new context.
Hmmmm. . . How about repurposing leadership? What about the nature of leadership itself. . . freshen and broaden the concept to include everyone in a business or a community or a family as a leader, not just those with the traditional leader title. Do we not all have some voice to offer in the direction of our lives?
And then there is the practice of leadership. We can apply “old” leadership practices in a new setting, in a new way, or with a little makeover. Whether it’s retirement, a new job, a new city, or even just a new office, the “new” about it signals the opportunity to think differently and bring the old, updated maybe, into the new. Recommitment, whether to the fundamentals or to the purpose itself, is another way of refreshing. Perhaps the very process of repurposing can lend a new perspective or help refuel some missing enthusiasm.
Here are some tips to apply the idea of repurposing to leadership.
Self Assessment: What leadership skills do you have that can be carried into a new arena?

Holding a clear vision
Inspiring others to achieve the vision
Communicating clearly
Identifying undeveloped potential in others and supporting growth
Modeling tolerance, even comfort with, ambiguity and conflict

How could you make your leadership skills work even better in a new context?

Gaining additional education to refresh and update
Working with a mentor or coach
Adding to your toolbox by identifying the skills of exemplars that you would like to develop

And where might your refreshed leadership skills be put to new use?

Have you always dreamed of owning your own business?
Perhaps there is a local non-profit whose vision and mission appeal to your values and passion. Maybe they are looking for a board member or volunteers.
In your own family are there new opportunities to apply improved and thoughtful communication? Are you the parent of a struggling teenager who needs direction, but is unable to take it from you? There might be other ways to guide them, perhaps other adults who could step in and encourage and support. Your leadership does not have to be doing it all yourself, but recognizing the need and working to meet it in the best way for your teen.
How about offering or developing yourself as a mentor, coach or consultant?

In today’s environment we hear so much about recycling, reusing, repurposing, etc., as a way of optimizing what we have and avoiding waste. When I think of repurposing, I also think about it as a recommitment to purpose. It could be that the bigger change is not in what we do but how we think. Remembering the why in what we are doing and why it matters and has meaning can help us approach our lives feeling refreshed, energized and re-purposed.
Thunderbird Leadership Consulting and Boxcar International want to remind you about our 13th Annual Leadership Summit on November 15th, in Phoenix, Reconstructing Leadership: Owning Our Power. Join us for a day where we explore how we deconstruct the messages that limit us and embrace new ways of being and doing, reconstructing leadership.
Leadership is perched at a frontier, with our classical model dissolving as new and bright ideas – our ideas – emerge within us, around us, and right before our eyes. We are caught holding on to an established gold standard while yearning for something different, something innovative – more aligned with the world we inhabit with all of its changes. Now is the time for a new construction for all of us who lead, aspire to lead, and yearn to lead from right where we are.
For more information, and to register, click on the link here.

Tip of the Month, September 2019 – Tips on the How of Staying or Going

Jill Bachman, MSN on September 3, 2019

Do you have an emergency communication plan and a “go” bag? These are the things people should think through and pack for any number of situations that could happen in life. I live in wild-land fire country, and I know first hand what it is to need to escape with the most important and irreplaceable things for my life.
In a similar vein, do you have an emergency plan in case you need to leave your work/job in a hurry? Seriously, hopefully no one reading this will be met one day with a security guard, packing boxes and an order to exit your workplace within the hour. But we know these things do happen. Not my company, you think. But maybe, in your company, you are getting the impression that you should leave, for a variety of reasons.
In our latest blog post, Should I Stay or Should I Go?, Thunderbird author Rory Gilbert discussed reasons for staying, and leaving, a job or a workplace. Her focus was the decision-making process and what to consider. In this month’s Tips, we will address some of the practical issues once the staying or leaving has been decided.

Develop the stamina to stay. You have decided it is better to stay, even though the situation has some negatives. The positives are stronger. Many of the following ideas come from the blogs of Natasha Stanley at CareerShifters.org and Darcy Eikenberg at RedCapeRevolution.com.

Rather than changing your work or job, plan to change your life at work.

View this agreement with yourself to stay as a decision “for the time being”. You can revisit it at any time. Set and calendar a date to review your decision, perhaps six months out.
Identify the positive elements of your workplace or job and focus on them rather than the negative aspects. Write them down. Post them in front of you.
Increase the excitement and engagement of your work by asking your manager or leader for new opportunities.
Step up or volunteer to take the leadership on a situation you would like to see changed.
Find people outside your workplace that you can share your frustrations with.
Make sure that you take care of yourself. Get adequate sleep, eat well, exercise, plan for social support. And strive to keep your life stress free.

Decide to leave, believing that it’s time to move on. But before you go, there are many things you should consider. A great article from a Reddit post, cited in Rory’s blog, provides many useful suggestions. We have excerpted some of the more common ones here, and you can find a link to access the complete article in the references.

If it is your choice to go you should have a firm, written job offer in hand. Don’t leave without one. Know what you will do if your employer makes a counteroffer. How “good” would it have to be to make you change your decision? If you accept a counteroffer, make sure you have it in writing.
Copy performance reviews, certifications, other personal documents that you’ll want to keep (eg, awards, honors) as well as your salary and benefit information. Do not make copies of any work performed, without permission. This is considered the equivalent of stealing.
Don’t burn bridges. Maintain a professional demeanor throughout the process.
Do not share the fact of your leaving with coworkers and friends before informing your manager and Human Resources.

If your leaving is a result of a forced termination, such as a layoff or firing, take these actions to help yourself through the process. And remember to take care of yourself.

Apply for unemployment benefits as soon as possible. The process can take weeks. Address other financial matters such as continuing life insurance, health insurance, and managing employer-sponsored retirement accounts.
Be super-frugal about every bit of unnecessary spending. You don’t know how long your financial resources will last.
Remind yourself that you do have a job; your job is finding a new job, and you need to devote the time and intensity you would spend at work on this effort.

No matter if you stay or go, you will find yourself in the process of change, and change is hard, even when we’re in the driver’s seat. Be patient with yourself. You probably have friends, family members and colleagues who have been through a similar situation. They may have great advice for YOU, because they know you. Reach out to them.
If an employee assistance program is available use it for support. An EAP is a confidential resource. Seeking out a mentor or a coach is another useful option during this process. Using all the resources you can and accepting help is not a weakness; it is a sign that you are determined to get through the process in the very best way you can. Isn’t that the advice you would give a friend? Why not be that friend to yourself. Good luck!

References:
https://www.careershifters.org/expert-advice/how-to-survive-a-job-you-hate-but-cant-leave-yet, accessed online 8-23-19.
https://redcaperevolution.com/secrets-to-stay-or-leave-your-job/, accessed online 8-23-19.
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/6g146m/be_prepared_if_youre_resigning_or_quitting_have/, accessed online 8-23-19.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on August 20, 2019

I’ve got the Clash’s earworm stuck in my head.

Should I stay or should I go
If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know
This indecision’s bugging me
If you don’t want me, set me free
Exactly who am I’m supposed to be[1]

One of the hardest decisions we have to make is whether to stay in a job that is not satisfactory or whether to move on. How do you decide? What factors make a difference. Where do you begin?
There are a few core factors that must be considered:

Financial security – this may determine when and how you leave, but should not determine if you leave (based on other factors below). We hear people talk about golden handcuffs – making so much, healthcare, pension, stock options, vacation time, standard of living, retirement benefits, etc. — that as miserable as the job is, it feels impossible to leave.
Health – the job is making you sick physically or emotionally
- If you are suffering from physical or emotional illnesses – stomach ulcers, migraines, depression, anxiety
- If it is impacting your relationships with those closest to you
- If you are not willing to address your health concerns because your job is too demanding…
- You have tried to address the concerns but the cure is worse than the disease…
Ethics – the position requires you to do things that are illegal, unethical and/or against your value system.

You do not want to end up in bankruptcy or out of your home or car. However, staying in a job that causes you to compromise your values or your health is generally not recommended. This is a case of how and when you leave, not if you leave.
In preparing for this article, I explored numerous quizzes about whether to stay or go and all of them reinforced that if your health and ethics are compromised, you need to get out! Ideally, you do so by finding a new job first. In the meantime, you can evaluate your life choices so that the financial consequences are manageable during the transition or if you find a better position that pays less.
What are other factors that suggest it is time to move on?
A number of years ago I participated in training to facilitate the Everything DiSCä assessment. At the time, I had a great team, was doing some exciting work and was very energized. However, we had a new senior executive who was making some changes to what and how the division was working. On page six of the report, I read about what motivates and stresses people with my DiSCä style[2]. It was amazingly accurate and told me a lot about my work situation. With the new changes being implemented, I was losing all the things that motivated me and beginning to experience all the things that stressed me. It wasn’t even close. Our new senior executive’s vision and mine were not aligned at all. I sat down with my boss and asked him if there was light at the end of the tunnel, if he thought things would improve in the future. He honestly told me that he did not.
If you are not feeling fulfilled it may be time to move on.
One of the recurring themes in positive psychology asserts that when we are able to employ those things we do best at work, we are more productive and effective. Clifton et. al.[3] explains it this way, “A talent is a naturally recurring pattern of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied…They are among the most real and most authentic aspects of your personhood…There is a direct connection between your talents and your achievements. Your talents empower you.” Using our talents, developed through skill and knowledge application, provide us with a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in our work.
One of the 12 questions that Gallup[4] poses to quantify employee engagement is, “I get to do what I do best every day at work.” So, one of the critical aspects of whether you stay or go is are you doing not just what you are good at, but what fulfills you and empowers you; what gives you energy rather than draining you. Gallup research indicates that only one third of workers are engaged at work overall. And yet, there are companies that seek to have 90%+ engaged workers…folks who truly care about what they are doing, provide discretionary effort and are committed to quality. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be in a work environment where everyone felt that way?
Most of us have to do mundane, routine or annoying tasks at work, but these should be counter-balanced by those that replenish us, provide us with meaning and satisfaction. When I looked at my motivator/stressor dichotomy, I could see that my future with the company would restrict those behaviors and activities that energized me.
Are you experiencing an unhealthy amount of stress?
Some stress is considered good for us. It keeps us on our toes, on edge, working a little harder, with a little more urgency. However, if the stress you are experiencing is soul crushing, maybe it is time to go.
If your values are being compromised, if you are being asked to do something unethical or illegal, this is a no-brainer.
Additional stressors tend to come from the work environment, often shaped by your supervisor/manager/boss. We’ve read many places that people quit bosses not jobs. Scott Mautz[5] identifies five indicators that it might be time to go.

Your boss makes you feel like you’re shrinking.
Your boss makes you feel like your values are being compromised.
Your boss gives oversight, not oxygen.
Your boss causes you to question yourself more than your situation.
Your boss’s own career isn’t exactly going well.

Can you see how disempowering these behaviors are? What happens here is that as you buy in to your boss’s negativity, it may make it even harder for you to consider leaving. Who would want you after all? It is important to know that you do not have to live in this type of work environment, although many of us believe this is just what bosses do.
Most people are not negatively impacted by working hard if the support and appreciation are there. It is the emotional toll of negativity, lack of recognition, respect and trust that cause long-term stress and harm. Employees who experience these behaviors try to stay under the radar, live in fear (stress, pain anxiety) and perform only adequately.
In my work in leadership and coaching, we spend a lot of time on effective people-management. The most successful companies understand that performance excellence comes from excellent management – supporting and growing people, not squelching them. Find those people and be one!
Are there opportunities to grow in your current situation?
Another consideration is aspirational. What do you want to be doing in a few years? Where do you want to be? Does your current environment provide you with opportunities to grow? This doesn’t necessarily mean moving up. Some people are seeking advancement and want to be sure there are promotion opportunities in the future. Others find meaning and satisfaction where they are. This does not mean that nothing should change. Even in a situation where you do not want to change jobs, there should be opportunities to learn more, to dig deeper and to become more skilled at what you are doing.
Daniel Pink[6] identifies three elements that provide motivation and satisfaction for people: mastery, purpose and autonomy. Are you given opportunities to develop and improve, to master the skills related to your work? Learning new skills and/or having new projects and responsibilities are powerful energizers, even if your position hasn’t changed. Do you have the ability to make decisions within your area of expertise (autonomy)? Does your work have meaning (purpose)?
And of course, there is the desire to advance. How possible is it? Is the organization providing you with the training opportunities you need? Is there a track record of hiring from the inside? Does your supervisor know you want to move up? Is there a leadership program you can participate in? Can you find a mentor? Have you applied for new positions and not succeeded? What have you learned?
In some organizations, even when opportunities exist, they may not be available to you if your boss doesn’t support participation. That is another indicator that something may need to change.
So how do you know when it is time to go?
We’ve all heard the fable/myth[7] about putting frogs in water and heating it up versus putting them in boiling water. If the water is boiling we know to jump out. But what about when the water is warm, warmer, etc., how do you know when it is too hot? How do you know when the physical, emotional and career costs outweigh the benefits of stability and golden handcuffs?
At this point, you’ve considered your health, your engagement and your career potential where you are. If it is still tolerable, what will let you know it is time to jump? Chip and Dan Heath[8] suggest setting a trip wire, some kind of indicator that will let you stop and pause. I’ve often recommended people set a date on the calendar – maybe six months from now – and invite them to rethink their decision based on the factors that are of concern. Other trip wires would be: applying for advancement and not succeeding (repeatedly, with no helpful feedback), having projects taken away, being uninvited to meetings, a poor performance review, increased health issues or on the positive side, being asked to take on something new, getting good feedback or recognition, discovering you do feel happier and more satisfied at work.
And in the meantime, it never hurts to freshen up your resume and dip your toe in the water to see what else is out there. Network, check the want-ads, apply for a few positions (good practice), and talk to trusted friends and colleagues. [9]
Our work takes up a huge amount of our lives and contributes to our sense of self-worth and identity. No matter what we are doing, we can find meaning and satisfaction that adds value to our life. As Rumi says,
Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.
Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.
____________________________
[1] Downloaded 8/12/19 Source: LyricFind, Songwriters: Joe Strummer / Mick Jones, Should I Stay or Should I Go lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
[2] For more information about DiSCä, contact us at Thunderbird Leadership Consulting.
[3] Clifton et. al. (2001) StrengthsQuest: Discover and Develop Your Strengths in Academics, Career, and Beyond. New York: Gallup Press.
[4] Forbringer, L. (2002) Overview of the Gallup Organization’s Q-12 Survey. O.E. Solutions, Inc.
[5] Mautz, Scott. (Aug. 3, 2019) If Your Boss Does these 5 Things, It’s Time to Quit, According to Science. The Inc. Life.
[6] Pink, Daniel. (2011) Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us. New York: Riverhead Books.
[7] James Fallows discredits this fable as pure myth when it comes to frogs…our challenge is, is it true for humans? Fallows, J. (Sept. 16, 2006) The Boiled Frog Myth: Stop the Lying Now! The Atlantic.
[8] Heath, C. and Heath, D. (2014) Decisive: How to Make Better Decisions. The Crown Publishing Group, Kindle Edition
[9] Reddit has a helpful article about preparing if you are resigning or are asked to leave.
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/6g146m/be_prepared_if_youre_resigning_or_quitting_have/