The Winding Road

Kevin Monaco on April 3, 2022

It sounds so simple, but no one had ever told me: The road is winding and wide. I wasn’t aware because most people I knew pursued only one road: The Straight and Narrow. I don’t mean ‘honest’ and ‘moral’ here. I mean ‘straight’ and ‘narrow’– the complete opposite of ‘winding’ and ‘wide’.

Here in Cleveland, we joke that there are only two seasons; winter and construction. You always have to be ready with an alternative route. You can almost never take the most direct path. You must first go south before you can go west, or a little east before you can go north. And don’t forget about rush hour traffic! You’re in it for the long haul. Luckily, there are multiple ways to get to where you’re going.

During a challenging health journey in my late 20s, I began to examine my life more deeply than I ever had up to that point. I felt as though I was headed in the wrong direction, particularly with my career and my life’s dedication. I yearned to be creative again, like I was when I was younger. I wanted to make beautiful creations, important calls-to-action that people admired and felt moved by. I wanted to inspire others with my passion and energy. I felt I knew where I should be, where I always wanted to be, but that place was somewhere on the other side of town. It was a place I was very unfamiliar with, and quite frankly, terrified of.

And so I began to talk with someone about my struggles. The more I spoke about it, the more aware I was of the panic bubbling up inside of me. I was operating on autopilot. I wasn’t engaged or enthusiastic about the work I was doing. I felt undervalued and overworked. I felt disappointed in myself for not having a clearer direction for my life, a more solid plan. I chastised myself because I had allowed this to happen, and now, nearly ten years into my career at that point, I felt trapped and confused. Was this ever really what I wanted to do? What about all the years of education I went through? The degrees I earned? The time I’d already invested at my workplace? It all seemed like a big waste. 

Through my sadness, my therapist offered this simple but impactful perspective: Life is not a straight and narrow path. It is a jagged and twisty, multi-lane roadway, full of construction and bus stops. It is a series of onramps and offramps, and sometimes you have to go far out of your way to get back on track. Sometimes you are driving with poor visibility, and sometimes you’re driving through clear skies with the top down. But you are always moving. Even if you stop momentarily, life beckons you to hit the gas once again. 

I spent a lot of time with this analogy. I thought about what it meant to view my life as a winding road. I thought about all the events of my life that I am grateful for, and I began to notice the twisted roads that led me to them. Of course life is not a straightforward path! There are reasons for this, and here are a few I’ve learned from my experience since then.

 

 

1) Life is a series of stops and detours that provides us with feedback on how we are responding and growing as people.

Quite simply put, we do not know what we do not yet know. I like to view my life experiences as a variety of roadside diners. I discover new joints that I love, and others…well, I won’t be coming back for seconds. Use these experiences to fuel change and discover what makes you ‘tick’. By means of detouring and rerouting, I begin to learn my way around town. I discover the bumpy roads, the carefree highways, the heavily patrolled areas, and the places I want to avoid in the future. At 15 years old, I was afraid to drive up that freeway onramp for the first time, but I learned something every time I tried, and it got easier. Learning more about myself and my surroundings has been key to uncovering my personal path and purpose. 

 

2) We may need to have certain experiences that drive us forward, even if they seem counterproductive.

We may not be ready for a particular ‘point of interest’ yet. That is the bottom line. We may have to acquire some skills, be jolted into some serious reflection, meet some new people, or overcome a challenge before we are prepared to arrive at that destination. Even if you feel restless and anxious, this is a process that asks you to honor your current location. This is where you are today, and there is incredible power in that realization. Each twist and turn is teaching you to become a better driver, and you will be better-equipped to handle future roadblocks. Perhaps a new road will open up now that you’re no longer headed south on the old one. In this way, no experience is a lost cause. No credential, skill, or relationship is a waste of time. No seemingly counterproductive event has forever put you in reverse. You are a master navigator! Even as you are reading and reflecting on this post, you are fine-tuning your route.

I’m reminded of an SNL Weekend Update skit where Leslie Jones talks to Colin Jost about Oprah Winfrey’s experience being fired as a young intern. Jost remarks what a mistake it was for those executives to fire Oprah! “No it wasn’t!” Leslie claps back. “…‘Cause she wasn’t Oprah. She was just some 23-year-old punk, who needed to get fired, so she could become ‘Oprah’!” 

 

3) Trust that if we set the destination, life will align the right people and situations to get us there.

Life is a complicated web of connections and networks. We’ve all heard of the six degrees of separation concept. Whether there are actually six is not the point. We can be sure that there is at least one path for every destination we plan for. From a vantage point much greater than any mirror or car camera can provide, you have already initiated a chain reaction that is shifting the tides to make things happen.

I have always had many interests. But since I can remember, I always wanted to be a singer and songwriter. There was one problem: I was terrified to put myself out there for people to hear. Over the years, I gradually turned my back on my love of music. Quite some time later, I decided I owed it to myself to forge down that path once again and take a look around! In the last three years, I have now performed many times for an audience, but I had to get through a few hazardous conditions before I could open up. Some were even completely unrelated to music! My original plan had me arriving at my destination really early. Improperly early. It was in my best interest to slow down and take the scenic route. I began to notice the parts of my previous career that had prepared me for an audience. I noticed the new experiences I was having that were encouraging me out of my shell. I noticed the unique and fun moments I was having as a result of this new route–ones I would never have dreamt possible.

I know that it may take you, as it has taken me, some time to get used to this winding road. We are prodded down narrow paths, raised with absolutes, and told it’s ‘my way or the highway!’ We begin to neglect our own navigation system, and we forget who is driving the car.

76-year-old American actor, singer, dancer, and director, André De Shields, offered this piece of advice during his first Tony Award acceptance speech in 2019: “Slowly is the fastest way to get to where you want to be.” So let’s try not to be anxious drivers. The pace and course of your journey has been designed specifically for you. If it feels misguided or too slow, take a deep breath, and stay curious about your surroundings. Ask yourself what you are meant to learn at this time. Find out what is working and what isn’t working for you. Reach out and ask for directions. Discover how you will do things differently next time. If the traffic is too noisy, roll up the windows and put on your favorite playlist! If we settle into the moment, we allow the next turn to reveal itself. 

Above all, remember that life is a process of growth opportunities. There is more to our stories than just the beginnings and ends. We can be motivated by the destination, or we can be excited about the road trip itself. Afterall, the real adventure is in the winding detours.

 

Curb Your Complaining

Carla J. Rotering, MD, M.A. on February 7, 2022

by Dr. Carla Rotering

 

“The only thing complaining does is convince other people that you are not in control.”– Unknown

There’s an old saying that “misery loves company” – and over the last couple of years, things may feel pretty miserable to many if not most of us.  It seems a natural extension to transfer what we experience into the act of complaining.  

Complaining and connecting with those who share our disturbance not only provides some emotional release but it also creates a place of belonging. Who doesn’t want to spend time with people who “get” what we are talking about – who notice the same miserable things we do, push against the same miserable boundaries we do, and complain about the same miserable details that we do?   We become misery buddies, an exclusive club of complainers, operating with the belief that we are bonding and validating one another through our shared complaints.  

We are inherently social beings, and as humans we have the capacity for neuronal mirroring.  Mirroring happens when mirror neurons in the premotor cortex area of your brain respond to an observed behavior or mood of another person as if YOU were actually engaged in that behavior or mood yourself!  So rather than finding comfort and relief, as we unconsciously mimic moods and behaviors, we actually deepen our misery and ultimately habituate the practice of complaining.  That habit of complaining doesn’t make anyone happy.  And you don’t even have to be the complainer!!  Studies show that 30 minutes of LISTENING to someone complain impacts our health and wellbeing just as much as BEING the complainer for that 30 minutes.  The average person complains between 15 – 30 times a day, according to Will Bowen, author of “A Complaint-Free World”.

Have you ever heard the saying “Neurons that fire together wire together”? Neuroscience tells us that repetitive complaining, like any repetitive behavior, re-wires our brains so that the neurons branch out toward each other to create a more permanent bridge, making future complaining more likely.  Over time, it becomes easier to be negative by defaulting to this now-established neural pathway than it is to be positive, which would require the creation of a new pathway – and that holds true even when what is happening around us changes for the better!  

Mission.org explains this phenomenon perfectly:

“The more you complain about things like flakey friends or being asked to push up a project’s 

deadline, the more neurons in your brain stitch themselves together to easily 

facilitate this kind of information. Before you know it, complaining becomes so 

easy for your brain to grasp, you start doing it without even consciously registering

the behavior.”

A Stanford University study using high resolution MRI’s found that complaining or listening to complaining can result in actual damage to our brains by shrinking the hippocampus.  Equally concerning, chronic high cortisol levels, besides triggering our flight-or-fight response, are now thought to damage the hippocampus in the same way.   The hippocampus is an area critical to memory formation, learning, emotional regulation and problem solving.  It is also one of the primary areas of the brain destroyed in Alzheimer’s Disease.

Who wants that???  And what can we do to shift?

Here is a summary of tips offered by the Cleveland Clinic to interrupt the habit of complaint – whether you notice it in yourself or your peers, friends, family:

  •  Look at the big picture – will this really matter in 5 minutes/months/years?  If the answer is “yes” see #5
  • Ask yourself if this IS the issue?  Is “this” (whatever it is) really pushing your buttons or is there something going on that is deeper, harder, more personal.
  • Make it a game!  Wear a bracelet or rubber band around your wrist – and every time you notice yourself complaining (even silently) shift it to the opposite wrist.  The goal is to keep your rubber-band bracelet on the same wrist for longer and longer periods of time.
  • Share legitimate concerns in the right time and place – not on social media, not in a public hallway or shared space.
  • When something really matters, share your concern in a way that is seen as helpful rather than critical. Be a part of the solution!
  • When you offer a valid complaint, start and end with a positive statement. When we start with negative words, no one can hear anything else we say. When we end with negative words, no one can remember what we said before.  This sandwiches your concern between caring statements– and makes all the difference to others and to YOU!!
  • Practice gratitude.  If negativity has become a habit for you or those around you, noticing one small thing daily for which you are thankful can begin to forge a new, positive neural pathway!!

Our invitation to you is to experiment with a “no complaint day” – and see what happens to your energy, your mood, your level of contentment and satisfaction.  

And if you like it, start building new neuronal bridges!!!

 

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-stop-complaining-7-secrets-to-being-happier/

https://news.stanford.edu/pr/96/960814shrnkgbrain.html

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6616250/

https://www.southernliving.com/news/complaining-changes-your-brain

https://m1psychology.com/complaining-is-bad-for-your-brain/

Reflections for a New Year

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on January 7, 2020

The New Year is a wonderful time of reflection, to think about where we’ve been, where we are and where we want to be. Rather than making resolutions that slip away within a month, how can you use this time to create meaningful and intentional strategies for your professional future?
Where am I?
The first step in this reflection is to think about where you are in your career.  Are you still on an upward path?  Are you looking for new opportunities within your organization or across your profession? Are you in a position that satisfies you? How do you go deeper and continue to grow within the position? Are you winding down in your career?  Ready for new but less demanding opportunities? And, do you have a realistic sense of direction – of your potential, of where you are and where you can go?
Who am I?
So step two is self-reflection, how much do we know ourselves.  How open are we to possibilities? How much do we acknowledge our own strengths?  How confident are we in our skills and capabilities? How comfortable are we in taking risks? How adept are we at looking into the future? How do we see ourselves as leaders?
This aspect of self-reflection can benefit from a variety of tools and assessments.  Consider CliftonStrengths[1] (formerly Strengths Finder) that helps us learn which of some 36 strengths help us to best achieve our goals.  When I think of my colleagues, I am always amazed by the talents they bring to the table.  Dorothy Sisneros, one of Thunderbird’s managing partners, knocks my socks off all the time with two of her top strengths as a futurist and a maximizer.  When we work together, I’ll talk about a plan (I’m very present oriented) and Dorothy will ask questions about future impacts and possibilities, things I never even begin to think about. She’ll think about how we can best use our people resources using her maximizer strength.  I always learn from her perspective.
I recognize my own ability to synthesize ideas and take big picture concepts down to practical applications and appreciate detail-oriented people who ask questions to get us even further in implementation.
Knowing what we are good at, what we love to do and how to interface those skills with people who have other talents is critical to success.  I want to talk more about the people interface in a minute, but first I want us to dig a little deeper into our own styles.
We’ve mentioned DiSC numerous times in our blogs…one of our favorite assessment tools.  It helps to understand our way of approaching our work and allows us to consider how our preferred approach can be an asset or a liability.
So, as we consider future career decisions, DiSC can help us recognize where we are on a caution v. risk spectrum.  Are you more likely to “ready, fire, aim,” or get paralyzed in analysis? I have a tendency to look at everything as possible and exciting – yes, I/we can do that.  I’ve learned that it helps me to find more cautious people who will help me identify the risks, the questions that need to be answered before I jump in.  By the same token, I’ve worked with folks who prefer a full year of planning before they implement a project.  Together, we’ve found a middle ground to pilot strategies and get the project started sooner rather than later.
Where are you on the risk/caution spectrum?  How does this relate to finding opportunities and being prepared to take them?  In the McKinsey Quarterly[2], they report that women are more likely to believe they need 100% of requirements before they apply for a position, where men will reach for a new possibility if they have about 60% of requirements.  What does this say about confidence (and social conditioning)? DiSC D’s and I’s are also more likely to take a leap where S’s and C’s will hold back, study, analyze and have higher expectations of themselves before they step forward.
How ready do you have to be?
Who Can Help?
And this is where the third step in reflection comes in: using colleagues, mentors and friends to help us expand our perspectives – whether to keep us from jumping without a parachute or moving us forward out of our comfort zone.  Who are the people in your life who see you better than you see yourself? Who will challenge you, support you and encourage you?
As you reflect on your next steps, use your people resources to help you refine your focus on your self, your capacity and your potential.  Brene Brown recommends identifying trusted friends and allies where you can be fully human and vulnerable.  Who are the people in your life who can see you at your worst and be there will you, and still lift you up.
Tom Rath[3] describes 8 necessary roles people need to fill for us to achieve success in the workplace. He describes a “vital connection” as a person who “measurably improves your life or a person you can’t afford to live without.”  Think about the important people in your life.
Rath’s eight roles are: navigator, connector, collaborator, builder, companion, champion, mind opener and energizer.  No one person can or should fill all of these roles. As you consider your direction in 2020, who do you need right now in order to move to the next step in your career.  Is it a mind opener? An energizer? A connector?
I think back to a mind opener in my life from very early in my career. I still remember a conversation I had with a professor when I was in graduate school. He said something to me about taking the lead on a project.  I replied that I was not a leader, I was a follower. He looked at me earnestly and said, “that may have been true in the past, but it is not true now.  You need to rethink how you define yourself.”  That conversation happened some 40 years ago and I’ve never forgotten it.  In that moment, I had to rethink who I was, eliminate old messages and baggage, and consider the possibility that I had leadership qualities.
How do you see yourself as a leader? Are you stuck in a singular, old leadership picture?  How do you influence others? What skills and capacities do you bring to leadership?  We know that the most effective leaders are thoughtful, humble, and good listeners as well as inspiring and visionary.  Be careful that you do not recognize your own capacity for leadership and growth.
Who helps you rethink who you are? Who sees things in you that you don’t see in yourself?  Jill, my colleague on this blog, is an amazing partner for me.  Not only is she a collaborator, but she builds me up and increases my confidence in writing and she energizes me.  Talking with her always leaves me more excited about my work.
Who Can I Help?
And that bring me to the fourth step in New Year’s reflections.  Who do you support, build up, energize, champion, challenge?  Consider that these roles are always a give and take.  How are you growing others.  Who can you invite into a conversation at the start of this New Year and help them see possibilities and opportunities they might otherwise miss?
References:
[1] https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx
[2] Desvaux, G. et. al. (September, 2008) A Business Case for Women, The McKinsey Quarterly.
[3] Rath, T. (2006). Vital Friends. Gallup Press: New York.

Summit Reflections – Part 1

Jill Bachman, MSN on December 9, 2019

13th Annual Leadership Summit
Reconstructing Leadership: Owning Our Power

One participant described it this way:
“A leadership spa for the soul that provided space for reflection, laughter and tears, commitment to a new way of being, connecting with old and new friends and appreciation for everything that we have.”
Situated at the Phoenix Art Museum on November 15, 2019, the Summit left me with lots of intriguing ideas, making for a rich and meaningful time.
Karla Kaelin, one of the speakers during the Leadership Panel, took us on a journey through three eras of industry, information and ideas, and how management, places of work and tools have changed in each. Old hierarchies are falling in favor of collaborative ‘messes’ which produce innovation much faster in response to the demand for shorter and shorter speed-to-market cycles. Technology is becoming so seamlessly integrated into our lives that we are virtually (ha ha!) unaware of it, like the air we breathe.
One of Karla’s points that excited me was this: What if work became the place you went to rejuvenate?  Work can be draining for many people, and when we return home, we are too tired to engage well with the other parts of our lives. How interesting to think of work as a place of rejuvenation, where we receive as much (or more) energy as we give. What would have to happen to make that vision come true? More flexibility, more fun, more control, less nonproductive ‘stuff’? How could your workplace be more rejuvenating so that you wanted to go to work?
Here’s another ‘aha’ moment for me. . . In this era of 24/7 availability for many roles, it has to be OK to work at home, and to rest at work. When work happens is as big an issue as where work happens. Karla shared examples of hospitals with quality staff rest areas immediately across from a nurses station. . . mood lighting, recliners, Skype set ups for contacting family, ping-pong tables.
Who would have guessed that the activity titled Community Building would result in a rousing pick up chorus performance of ‘You Gotta Be’ by Des’ree? But that is exactly what happened, and even the non-singers in the group said they had fun. Musicians Nate Bachofsky and Kevin Monaco led us through group singing, singing in anthem-response style, adding harmonies, varying from whisper to crescendo, and playing with percussion. No doubt, we were energized.
When I think about singing in a chorus, there are lots of similarities to working in collaboration with others. For one, where I place myself when learning a new song is critical. If I’m not familiar with the melody or timing, being near a good singer (mentor?) who projects well is a smart plan. And if I am lucky enough to be in a group with harmonies and tambourines, I can immediately appreciate the richer sound we are trying to create. Adding diversity to our voices is powerful, just like in organizations. The result itself is energizing and spurs us on to better performance. Another similarity is in volume variety. Thinking about softs and louds can apply to leadership. Sometimes the most compelling part of a piece is the absolute quiet of a single, near-whispered note. The sound does not have to be full on William Tell Overture to capture one’s attention or imagination. Sometimes that is too much. Leaders can use many volumes to get their message across.
We had the delightful opportunity to meander through the wonderful Phoenix Art Museum. In the activity titled Transitioning/Owning Our Power guided by Amy Steinbinder, we had time to locate specific works that spoke to us, and answer the question ‘How does this art capture my story of transitioning and owning my own power?’ It was meaningful to share our insights with each other and appreciate the value of art in helping us connect with our deeper selves.
A piece of art that caught my attention was a series of modern paintings, big and subtle squares of color on white backgrounds. They were mostly in hues of orange and yellow. I normally love artwork that features nature, but on Summit day, I was drawn to this one. What pure potential, I thought, anything can appear here even on top of the squares. And that’s how I saw my life unfolding at the moment. A full canvas of opportunity with the time and tools to do and discover something new, which I had long been craving.
I realized too that I was attracted to the simplicity these pieces offered. . . something so basic as a square and color can be a beautiful thing. Just like leadership. One doesn’t need fancy gadgets or complex business models to be an effective leader. Awareness of what inspires your followers and use of your own personal presence are two basic, very simple yet very effective, skills.
The Emerging Leader Panel was facilitated by Rory Gilbert. What a fun discussion and reflection of the day through the eyes of younger leaders Nate Bachovsky, Kathleen Burke and Michelle Dew! Occasional glances around the room showed that seasoned leaders were paying rapt attention to the perspectives of these emerging ones. Here are a few points that inspired me.

  • Do not live and lead in fear. There is so much outside attention to “bad and awful” things, and giving them too much power reduces the energy we have for moving forward, to say nothing of hope and optimism.
  • Collaborate with partners who share the same passion. This results in a higher energy experience, more effective, and more fun, for everyone involved.
  • Keep and enhance ‘face’ connections and invest the time it takes. When possible, choose face over digital tools. Our devices are wonderful, but they do not have the value of personal contact and relationship that is often called upon in times of stress or conflict.
  • Leave behind the rigid idea of what a leader looks like. Leaders come from all walks of life, all ages, all levels of an organization. They can wear ‘man-buns’ or use a cane. They could speak English as a second language. They don’t have to look like you; in fact it’s usually better if they don’t.
  • We must be able to have civil conversations about difficult topics, at work and away. There’s a lot of focus on today’s polarized society and our culture’s inability to sit with our conflict partners and have a good discussion about. . . “almost anything.” It begins with the ability to separate the other’s beliefs from the worth of the person who holds those beliefs.
  • Leaders should be able to acknowledge their vulnerabilities. It is the appropriate sharing of these areas that can really open up a discussion. Imagine the vulnerability of a leader who says to her team “I’m not sure where this is going, but I wonder if any of you have the experience of loneliness (or fill in the blank) here at work. How does it affect your enjoyment and effectiveness while you’re here?” Big vulnerable moment because there may not be a clear direction for the discussion, or no one may feel or admit to being lonely. But if you have reason to believe that loneliness should be explored, you are doing just that, exploring with the possibility that something good may come from it.

Watch summit participants share reflections:

Though I need to stop reflecting here, there is a lot more that can be said about the Summit. Rory Gilbert will continue our next blog posting with Summit Reflections, Part 2.

Is it OK to Coast?

Jill Bachman, MSN on October 25, 2019

Fall has returned. In the breadbasket of the US midwest, it is the time after harvest, time to take a breath and celebrate, reflecting on the productivity of the prior season. . . a time for putting away and “putting up” (canning), an expression of my rural Grandmother’s. There is a similarity between fall and the modern concept of coasting. To me, there is seasonality to a project, a life, a career. Every season has a different focus and the coasting season is a time of slowing down.
A review of internet references highlights an interesting contradiction on coasting in the workplace. There is coasting as seen from the perspective of an individual, contrasted with the advice offered to managers about how to respond to the employee who is coasting. The first offers ways for someone to think about their career, workplace and job performance, even their lives. The other view of coasting is primarily negative, a problem to be addressed. In this blog, our focus will be on the former, and try to answer the question, is it okay to coast?
What does “coast” mean to you? Think about coasting as idling, being in the neutral gear. The engine is ready to take over when called for, and the driver is present. But we’re not really going anywhere. Another example is exercise, where coasting (resting) is a necessary part of strength training. In lifting weights we increasingly stress ourselves with more weight or more reps, then push and push some more until we can’t lift another once. Finally we rest, not just because we must, but because muscles need the time and access to nutrition for recovery.
I like the description by Lydia Smith (1) in her article “Why we should be coasting at work”. She suggests that coasting is “doing just the right amount of work to get by comfortably.” In this context, it is neither shirking one’s responsibilities, nor slacking.
Why should you coast? There is a common view that extremely busy people are very important and highly productive. But is that true? Is the so-called productivity accomplished by constant multitasking? We now have come to appreciate that effective multitasking has limited applications. . . yes when cleaning a counter and listening to an audiobook. No when simultaneously reviewing a board report, drafting an email and talking on the phone with your mother.
Often unseen is the toll of nonstop busyness on our health. We know that a constant flood of stress hormones is bad for us. The super busy person sacrifices relationships and sets a questionable example for the people around them. Nonstop busyness is unsustainable and often leads to burnout. Coasting can help us achieve some balance.
Coasting has two types.

  • The first type of coasting happens when something isn’t working. This coasting can feel like inertia, or trying to run through molasses. There is conflict to avoid, or perhaps you are feeling underutilized. Maybe you have overstayed your time in a role, or in a relationship. Are you uninspired? Coasting often shows up at work because people are trying to deal with personal problems or issues at home that take up lots of energy. This type of coasting needs intervention to help you get on a more fulfilling path.
  • The second type of coasting is when you make a conscious decision to lighten things up a bit. This coasting requires our awareness, perhaps a plan, to make sure that the lightening up does not become a habit that spirals into the first type.

When should we coast? When coasting is part of a conscious decision, not an accident or a habit, it is positive and healthy. Just as in exercise, coasting is necessary, not optional, after a period of hard work. The hard work could be the end of a project that your team has struggled mightily on. Maybe for you, it’s the completion of an educational degree or certificate; or for a nurse, finishing an orientation period and successfully “taking a full load of patients”. Perhaps you recently got married.
Coasting is also necessary at the organizational level. This is harder to implement because there are so many moving pieces. A few important things to consider are the stated and the realized culture, and the consistency of expectations across the company. Is it fine for one department to coast, but not OK for others? Does the leader verbalize an “OK to coast” philosophy in meetings, but demonstrate publicly that he is always available 24/7, miming the expectation that you be available all the time too?
What does “good” coasting look like? That depends on the situation.

  • It should be intentional and tailored so that the people who are coasting really feel a downshifting of their gears. . . it is definitely a breather, and not a brief token of one.
  • It is time limited. Coasting is not a way of being, it is a season or a vacation.
  • Whatever words are used to talk about it, the message needs to communicate that coasting is healthy and desirable. Think of coasting as preventive maintenance, allowing the individual, team or organization to downshift and regroup in order to keep the level of productivity where you want it to be.

For the team who has worked late days and long periods of overtime, coasting could be time off with a moratorium on work email and texts after 5 pm. It might be the agreement that no new projects will be considered for the next quarter, favoring instead an emphasis on troubleshooting and maintenance. For the newlyweds, it’s a honeymoon. For the new nurse, it could be a celebration with a friend and pampering with a pedicure.
When should you worry about coasting?
Is coasting your only gear? In this case, a lack of engagement may be masquerading as coasting. What is driving this coasting. . . a motivational problem, a poor fit with the job or organization, burnout, a lack of stimulation? Whatever the cause, reach out for some assistance. It could be from an employee assistance program, a therapist or coach or mentor, a frank conversation with a manager or a heart-to-heart talk with a trusted friend.
Do you never coast? There is a good likelihood that you will not survive in this mode for long, and your health, relationships and/or job/career will suffer. The suggestions above will be helpful in this case too.
So, is it OK to coast?
The short answer is yes, with a few caveats.
Healthy coasting is a form of self-care, a way to set limits on the pressures and demands that can reduce one’s effectiveness and enjoyment of life. Be aware that not every environment is the right environment for intentional coasting. If you need personal time off after a period of giving it your all, understand how the idea will be received by others around you. If your organization is not particularly supportive, keep your plans to yourself. But in all cases, remember that you are the only one who can take care of yourself. “Put your own mask on first.”
Next Time: In the Tips follow up to this post, we will dig deeper and also discuss the topic of managing employees who coast. Stay tuned.
________________________
References

  1. Lydia Smith. https://finance.yahoo.com/news/why-we-should-be-coasting-at-work-060043512.html; accessed 10/14/19
  2. https://www.theguardian.com/money/shortcuts/2018/nov/13/why-coasting-at-work-is-the-best-thing-for-your-career-health-and-happiness; accessed 10/5/19
  3. https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/it-s-ok-go-ahead-and-coast.html; accessed 10/5/19

Tip of the Month, October 2019 – Tips on Repurposing….Leadership

Jill Bachman, MSN on October 8, 2019

Last month the Thunderbird blog featured Dr. Carla Rotering’s honor of a Healthcare Heroes Lifetime Achievement Award from the Phoenix Business Journal. The story she tells about living the early years of her life in a boxcar which was repurposed into a cozy home reminded me of the value of repurposing. And it got me to thinking about repurpose in a broader sense than physical recycling.
When I first retired from full time employment I worried about my purpose. Who would I be if I wasn’t a (fill in the blank)? Where would my worth and value come from? I knew those were questions that others anticipating retirement were facing too, so I decided to process the issues and gain perspective by writing a blog called Re:Purpose. Before the blog ended someone suggested that I concern myself less with the actual purpose, and more with repurposing the skills I had gained, applying them to the new areas of my life waiting to be discovered. Repurposing . . . applying or using something in a fresh new context.
Hmmmm. . . How about repurposing leadership? What about the nature of leadership itself. . . freshen and broaden the concept to include everyone in a business or a community or a family as a leader, not just those with the traditional leader title. Do we not all have some voice to offer in the direction of our lives?
And then there is the practice of leadership. We can apply “old” leadership practices in a new setting, in a new way, or with a little makeover. Whether it’s retirement, a new job, a new city, or even just a new office, the “new” about it signals the opportunity to think differently and bring the old, updated maybe, into the new. Recommitment, whether to the fundamentals or to the purpose itself, is another way of refreshing. Perhaps the very process of repurposing can lend a new perspective or help refuel some missing enthusiasm.
Here are some tips to apply the idea of repurposing to leadership.
Self Assessment: What leadership skills do you have that can be carried into a new arena?

  • Holding a clear vision
  • Inspiring others to achieve the vision
  • Communicating clearly
  • Identifying undeveloped potential in others and supporting growth
  • Modeling tolerance, even comfort with, ambiguity and conflict

How could you make your leadership skills work even better in a new context?

  • Gaining additional education to refresh and update
  • Working with a mentor or coach
  • Adding to your toolbox by identifying the skills of exemplars that you would like to develop

And where might your refreshed leadership skills be put to new use?

  • Have you always dreamed of owning your own business?
  • Perhaps there is a local non-profit whose vision and mission appeal to your values and passion. Maybe they are looking for a board member or volunteers.
  • In your own family are there new opportunities to apply improved and thoughtful communication? Are you the parent of a struggling teenager who needs direction, but is unable to take it from you? There might be other ways to guide them, perhaps other adults who could step in and encourage and support. Your leadership does not have to be doing it all yourself, but recognizing the need and working to meet it in the best way for your teen.
  • How about offering or developing yourself as a mentor, coach or consultant?

In today’s environment we hear so much about recycling, reusing, repurposing, etc., as a way of optimizing what we have and avoiding waste.  When I think of repurposing, I also think about it as a recommitment to purpose.  It could be that the bigger change is not in what we do but how we think.  Remembering the why in what we are doing and why it matters and has meaning can help us approach our lives feeling refreshed, energized and re-purposed.
Thunderbird Leadership Consulting and Boxcar International want to remind you about our 13th Annual Leadership Summit on November 15th, in Phoenix, Reconstructing Leadership: Owning Our Power. Join us for a day where we explore how we deconstruct the messages that limit us and embrace new ways of being and doing, reconstructing leadership.
Leadership is perched at a frontier, with our classical model dissolving as new and bright ideas – our ideas – emerge within us, around us, and right before our eyes.  We are caught holding on to an established gold standard while yearning for something different, something innovative – more aligned with the world we inhabit with all of its changes.  Now is the time for a new construction for all of us who lead, aspire to lead, and yearn to lead from right where we are.
For more information, and to register, click on the link here.

Celebrating Dr. Carla Rotering’s Health Care Heroes 2019 Lifetime Achievement Award

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on September 19, 2019

Please join me in celebrating Dr. Carla Rotering’s Health Care Heroes 2019 Lifetime Achievement Award bestowed by the Phoenix Business Journal.  (Watch video here.)  Dr. Rotering practices Pulmonary Medicine at Banner Thunderbird Medical Center and White Mountains Regional Medical Center.  She has a long history of leadership and education positions including Director of Critical Care, Chair of Medicine and Chief of Staff.
At Thunderbird Leadership, we know Carla as a leader, mentor and coach who is deeply committed to people–to their growth, upliftment, resilience and purpose as they strive toward the best version of themselves in their professional and personal lives.
Her story is compelling and inspirational, but even more so, her way of being is a model of compassion, integrity and genuineness so it is no surprise that she has been recognized for lifetime achievement.
Carla’s story teaches us about opportunity and possibility. Her consulting company is named BoXcar International because she spent her first six years living in a boxcar on the prairie in North Dakota.  In her achievement award comments, Carla explained how that experience informed her perspectives.  First of all, she explained, she did not see anything unusual about living in a boxcar.  It was just the way it was.  Secondly, though, on reflection, she viewed the boxcar for a metaphor about repurposing.  When the boxcar was no longer needed by the railroad, it served a new purpose for people in need.
That metaphor of repurposing appears to have carried through Carla’s life.  She went from clerical roles to medical school in her 30s when she realized this was even a possibility, supporting and nurturing her children at the same time.  She engaged full-heartedly in her practice only to discover, after many years of dedicated work, that she was physically and emotionally depleted, a condition experienced by many medical providers.
Carla found another opportunity to repurpose, getting a degree in Spiritual Psychology, training in Crucial Conversations and Emotional Intelligence and two coaching certifications.  This study and work helped her regain her inner strength and gave her a new area of focus. While continuing her practice of pulmonary medicine, she founded BoXcar International, providing coaching and facilitation for people in the medical profession to help them take care of themselves so they can continue to care for others.
In the process of her work, she connected with kindred spirits, Amy Steinbinder and Dorothy Sisneros of Thunderbird Leadership.  Together, they conceived a Leadership Summit that is unique in design and application, promoting a philosophy of self-care, mindfulness and reflection.  Now, in its thirteenth year, the Summit continues to offer participants an opportunity to step back from the never ending demands of doing, to reorient themselves and listen to the deeper meaning of their work and their lives.
Carla’s influence on the Summit is profound.  Her poetic language defines the event and her teachings, meditations, poems and presentations create a tone that helps us all hold ourselves and each other more gently, more kindly. Carla’s way of being and seeing emanates from her heart and touches us all.
Lifetime Achievement! Doctor, coach, facilitator, poet, presenter, educator, parent, friend, mentor and guide.  All done with humility, compassion, intellect and wisdom.
Congratulations Carla! Once again, join me in celebrating her success and join us all at the thirteenth Leadership Summit on November 15th, 2019 at the Phoenix Art Museum.
Register before October 1 to avoid late registration fees.
For more information click here.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Tip of the Month, September 2019 – Tips on the How of Staying or Going

Jill Bachman, MSN on September 3, 2019

Do you have an emergency communication plan and a “go” bag? These are the things people should think through and pack for any number of situations that could happen in life. I live in wild-land fire country, and I know first hand what it is to need to escape with the most important and irreplaceable things for my life.
In a similar vein, do you have an emergency plan in case you need to leave your work/job in a hurry? Seriously, hopefully no one reading this will be met one day with a security guard, packing boxes and an order to exit your workplace within the hour. But we know these things do happen. Not my company, you think. But maybe, in your company, you are getting the impression that you should leave, for a variety of reasons.
In our latest blog post, Should I Stay or Should I Go?, Thunderbird author Rory Gilbert discussed reasons for staying, and leaving, a job or a workplace. Her focus was the decision-making process and what to consider. In this month’s Tips, we will address some of the practical issues once the staying or leaving has been decided.

  1. Develop the stamina to stay. You have decided it is better to stay, even though the situation has some negatives. The positives are stronger. Many of the following ideas come from the blogs of Natasha Stanley at CareerShifters.org and Darcy Eikenberg at RedCapeRevolution.com.

Rather than changing your work or job, plan to change your life at work.

  • View this agreement with yourself to stay as a decision “for the time being”. You can revisit it at any time. Set and calendar a date to review your decision, perhaps six months out.
  • Identify the positive elements of your workplace or job and focus on them rather than the negative aspects. Write them down. Post them in front of you.
  • Increase the excitement and engagement of your work by asking your manager or leader for new opportunities.
  • Step up or volunteer to take the leadership on a situation you would like to see changed.
  • Find people outside your workplace that you can share your frustrations with.
  • Make sure that you take care of yourself. Get adequate sleep, eat well, exercise, plan for social support. And strive to keep your life stress free.
  1. Decide to leave, believing that it’s time to move on. But before you go, there are many things you should consider. A great article from a Reddit post, cited in Rory’s blog, provides many useful suggestions. We have excerpted some of the more common ones here, and you can find a link to access the complete article in the references.
  • If it is your choice to go you should have a firm, written job offer in hand. Don’t leave without one. Know what you will do if your employer makes a counteroffer. How “good” would it have to be to make you change your decision? If you accept a counteroffer, make sure you have it in writing.
  • Copy performance reviews, certifications, other personal documents that you’ll want to keep (eg, awards, honors) as well as your salary and benefit information. Do not make copies of any work performed, without permission. This is considered the equivalent of stealing.
  • Don’t burn bridges. Maintain a professional demeanor throughout the process.
  • Do not share the fact of your leaving with coworkers and friends before informing your manager and Human Resources.
  1. If your leaving is a result of a forced termination, such as a layoff or firing, take these actions to help yourself through the process. And remember to take care of yourself.
  • Apply for unemployment benefits as soon as possible. The process can take weeks. Address other financial matters such as continuing life insurance, health insurance, and managing employer-sponsored retirement accounts.
  • Be super-frugal about every bit of unnecessary spending. You don’t know how long your financial resources will last.
  • Remind yourself that you do have a job; your job is finding a new job, and you need to devote the time and intensity you would spend at work on this effort.

No matter if you stay or go, you will find yourself in the process of change, and change is hard, even when we’re in the driver’s seat. Be patient with yourself. You probably have friends, family members and colleagues who have been through a similar situation. They may have great advice for YOU, because they know you. Reach out to them.
If an employee assistance program is available use it for support. An EAP is a confidential resource. Seeking out a mentor or a coach is another useful option during this process. Using all the resources you can and accepting help is not a weakness; it is a sign that you are determined to get through the process in the very best way you can. Isn’t that the advice you would give a friend? Why not be that friend to yourself. Good luck!
 
References:
https://www.careershifters.org/expert-advice/how-to-survive-a-job-you-hate-but-cant-leave-yet, accessed online 8-23-19.
https://redcaperevolution.com/secrets-to-stay-or-leave-your-job/, accessed online 8-23-19.
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/6g146m/be_prepared_if_youre_resigning_or_quitting_have/, accessed online 8-23-19.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on August 20, 2019

I’ve got the Clash’s earworm stuck in my head.

Should I stay or should I go
If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know
This indecision’s bugging me
If you don’t want me, set me free
Exactly who am I’m supposed to be[1]

One of the hardest decisions we have to make is whether to stay in a job that is not satisfactory or whether to move on.  How do you decide?  What factors make a difference. Where do you begin?
There are a few core factors that must be considered:

  1. Financial security – this may determine when and how you leave, but should not determine if you leave (based on other factors below). We hear people talk about golden handcuffs – making so much, healthcare, pension, stock options, vacation time, standard of living, retirement benefits, etc. — that as miserable as the job is, it feels impossible to leave.
  2. Health – the job is making you sick physically or emotionally
    • If you are suffering from physical or emotional illnesses – stomach ulcers, migraines, depression, anxiety
    • If it is impacting your relationships with those closest to you
    • If you are not willing to address your health concerns because your job is too demanding…
    • You have tried to address the concerns but the cure is worse than the disease…
  3. Ethics – the position requires you to do things that are illegal, unethical and/or against your value system.

You do not want to end up in bankruptcy or out of your home or car.  However, staying in a job that causes you to compromise your values or your health is generally not recommended.  This is a case of how and when you leave, not if you leave.
In preparing for this article, I explored numerous quizzes about whether to stay or go and all of them reinforced that if your health and ethics are compromised, you need to get out! Ideally, you do so by finding a new job first. In the meantime, you can evaluate your life choices so that the financial consequences are manageable during the transition or if you find a better position that pays less.
What are other factors that suggest it is time to move on?
A number of years ago I participated in training to facilitate the Everything DiSCä  assessment.  At the time, I had a great team, was doing some exciting work and was very energized.  However, we had a new senior executive who was making some changes to what and how the division was working.  On page six of the report, I read about what motivates and stresses people with my DiSCä style[2].  It was amazingly accurate and told me a lot about my work situation.  With the new changes being implemented, I was losing all the things that motivated me and beginning to experience all the things that stressed me.  It wasn’t even close. Our new senior executive’s vision and mine were not aligned at all.  I sat down with my boss and asked him if there was light at the end of the tunnel, if he thought things would improve in the future.  He honestly told me that he did not.
If you are not feeling fulfilled it may be time to move on.
One of the recurring themes in positive psychology asserts that when we are able to employ those things we do best at work, we are more productive and effective. Clifton et. al.[3] explains it this way, “A talent is a naturally recurring pattern of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied…They are among the most real and most authentic aspects of your personhood…There is a direct connection between your talents and your achievements.  Your talents empower you.”  Using our talents, developed through skill and knowledge application, provide us with a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in our work.
One of the 12 questions that Gallup[4] poses to quantify employee engagement is, “I get to do what I do best every day at work.” So, one of the critical aspects of whether you stay or go is are you doing not just what you are good at, but what fulfills you and empowers you; what gives you energy rather than draining you. Gallup research indicates that only one third of workers are engaged at work overall.  And yet, there are companies that seek to have 90%+ engaged workers…folks who truly care about what they are doing, provide discretionary effort and are committed to quality. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be in a work environment where everyone felt that way?
Most of us have to do mundane, routine or annoying tasks at work, but these should be counter-balanced by those that replenish us, provide us with meaning and satisfaction.  When I looked at my motivator/stressor dichotomy, I could see that my future with the company would restrict those behaviors and activities that energized me.
Are you experiencing an unhealthy amount of stress?
Some stress is considered good for us.  It keeps us on our toes, on edge, working a little harder, with a little more urgency.  However, if the stress you are experiencing is soul crushing, maybe it is time to go.
If your values are being compromised, if you are being asked to do something unethical or illegal, this is a no-brainer.
Additional stressors tend to come from the work environment, often shaped by your supervisor/manager/boss. We’ve read many places that people quit bosses not jobs.  Scott Mautz[5] identifies five indicators that it might be time to go.

  • Your boss makes you feel like you’re shrinking.
  • Your boss makes you feel like your values are being compromised.
  • Your boss gives oversight, not oxygen.
  • Your boss causes you to question yourself more than your situation.
  • Your boss’s own career isn’t exactly going well.

Can you see how disempowering these behaviors are?  What happens here is that as you buy in to your boss’s negativity, it may make it even harder for you to consider leaving.  Who would want you after all? It is important to know that you do not have to live in this type of work environment, although many of us believe this is just what bosses do.
Most people are not negatively impacted by working hard if the support and appreciation are there.  It is the emotional toll of negativity, lack of recognition, respect and trust that cause long-term stress and harm.  Employees who experience these behaviors try to stay under the radar, live in fear (stress, pain anxiety) and perform only adequately.
In my work in leadership and coaching, we spend a lot of time on effective people-management. The most successful companies understand that performance excellence comes from excellent management – supporting and growing people, not squelching them.  Find those people and be one!
Are there opportunities to grow in your current situation?
Another consideration is aspirational.  What do you want to be doing in a few years? Where do you want to be? Does your current environment provide you with opportunities to grow?  This doesn’t necessarily mean moving up.  Some people are seeking advancement and want to be sure there are promotion opportunities in the future.  Others find meaning and satisfaction where they are.  This does not mean that nothing should change.  Even in a situation where you do not want to change jobs, there should be opportunities to learn more, to dig deeper and to become more skilled at what you are doing.
Daniel Pink[6] identifies three elements that provide motivation and satisfaction for people: mastery, purpose and autonomy.  Are you given opportunities to develop and improve, to master the skills related to your work?  Learning new skills and/or having new projects and responsibilities are powerful energizers, even if your position hasn’t changed. Do you have the ability to make decisions within your area of expertise (autonomy)? Does your work have meaning (purpose)?
And of course, there is the desire to advance.  How possible is it? Is the organization providing you with the training opportunities you need?  Is there a track record of hiring from the inside?  Does your supervisor know you want to move up?  Is there a leadership program you can participate in? Can you find a mentor?  Have you applied for new positions and not succeeded?  What have you learned?
In some organizations, even when opportunities exist, they may not be available to you if your boss doesn’t support participation.  That is another indicator that something may need to change.
So how do you know when it is time to go?
We’ve all heard the fable/myth[7] about putting frogs in water and heating it up versus putting them in boiling water.  If the water is boiling we know to jump out.  But what about when the water is warm, warmer, etc., how do you know when it is too hot?  How do you know when the physical, emotional and career costs outweigh the benefits of stability and golden handcuffs?
At this point, you’ve considered your health, your engagement and your career potential where you are.  If it is still tolerable, what will let you know it is time to jump?  Chip and Dan Heath[8] suggest setting a trip wire, some kind of indicator that will let you stop and pause.  I’ve often recommended people set a date on the calendar – maybe six months from now – and invite them to rethink their decision based on the factors that are of concern.  Other trip wires would be: applying for advancement and not succeeding (repeatedly, with no helpful feedback), having projects taken away, being uninvited to meetings, a poor performance review, increased health issues or on the positive side, being asked to take on something new, getting good feedback or recognition, discovering you do feel happier and more satisfied at work.
And in the meantime, it never hurts to freshen up your resume and dip your toe in the water to see what else is out there.  Network, check the want-ads, apply for a few positions (good practice), and talk to trusted friends and colleagues. [9]
Our work takes up a huge amount of our lives and contributes to our sense of self-worth and identity.  No matter what we are doing, we can find meaning and satisfaction that adds value to our life.  As Rumi says,
Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.
Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.
____________________________
[1] Downloaded 8/12/19 Source: LyricFind, Songwriters: Joe Strummer / Mick Jones, Should I Stay or Should I Go lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
[2] For more information about DiSCä, contact us at Thunderbird Leadership Consulting.
[3] Clifton et. al. (2001) StrengthsQuest: Discover and Develop Your Strengths in Academics, Career, and Beyond. New York: Gallup Press.
[4] Forbringer, L. (2002) Overview of the Gallup Organization’s Q-12 Survey. O.E. Solutions, Inc.
[5] Mautz, Scott. (Aug. 3, 2019) If Your Boss Does these 5 Things, It’s Time to Quit, According to Science. The Inc. Life.
[6] Pink, Daniel. (2011) Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us. New York: Riverhead Books.
[7] James Fallows discredits this fable as pure myth when it comes to frogs…our challenge is, is it true for humans? Fallows, J. (Sept. 16, 2006) The Boiled Frog Myth: Stop the Lying Now! The Atlantic.
[8] Heath, C. and Heath, D. (2014) Decisive: How to Make Better Decisions.  The Crown Publishing Group, Kindle Edition
[9] Reddit has a helpful article about preparing if you are resigning or are asked to leave.
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/6g146m/be_prepared_if_youre_resigning_or_quitting_have/