Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP – Page 2 – Thunderbird Leadership Consulting

Tip of the Month, February 2019 – Creating a Safe Environment

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on February 5, 2019

In this month’s blog post, “It’s Your Job!” we reviewed the book, Radical Candor[1], which emphasizes the importance of honest, timely and useful feedback in order to ensure quality results. Most of us would agree that doing this would be a great thing…and yet we often choose not to.
One of the main reasons we opt not to speak honestly and directly is because we fear how the message will be received. We do not trust our colleagues or superiors. We do not feel safe.
And the result is lost opportunities to improve a product or project, to correct or avoid a mistake, or to retain a valued employee.
So, how do you, as a leader, create an environment that encourages clear, direct and helpful communication? Here are some tips combining ideas from some of my favorite authors as well as my own experience.[2]

Publicly affirm your desire for honest, timely communication. If this will be a change or adjustment from the way you have been doing business, you’ll need to explain why and what this type of communication looks like.
Don’t expect anyone to believe you at first. Be sure to manage your responses to efforts at honest, timely communication. If you are committed to the change, be gracious, accept effort, even if awkward, abrupt or bordering on rude.
Have a discussion with your team about their comfort level with how these communications proceed.
1. Set some team agreements including things like no personal attacks (it is about the work), not interrupting (depending on your group culture), taking the time that is needed to come to the best solution, etc.
2. Commit to creating an environment where everyone’s input is needed and valued.
3. Interrupt behaviors that violate the team agreements and remind everyone of the agreements.
Capitalize on opportunities to identify and celebrate examples of this type of communication.
1. If two people begin having a discussion (a disagreement) in a meeting related to a plan or outcome, stop action long enough to point out what is happening, that this is exactly what you are hoping to see more of and invite them to continue.
2. If someone gives you clear and courageous feedback, thank them for their honesty and courage. You may or may not have an immediate answer for them, but definitely consider their feedback seriously and ensure they receive a timely reply.
3. If the feedback above was given to you in private, share what happened and your answer in a group setting so people have that example as well.
Tune in to non-verbals in your group.
1. Can you see that there are people who look puzzled, uncomfortable, concerned, etc. who are not speaking up? Invite them to share what they are thinking…and leave some silence while they collect their thoughts. (Then, of course, thank them for sharing, acknowledge their opinion or ideas, and reflect on a strategy to integrate their thoughts into whatever decision-making process is occurring at the time.)
2. Is there a silent leader in the group who keeps others from speaking up? Watch for facial expressions, eye-rolls, etc. that indicate some form of negative control. This may require some additional strategizing to overcome. You may need to do some investigating to find out what is going on. (We might need another blog article to address this issue…let us know if you’ve had this experience and how you managed it.)
Summarize meetings by reviewing what was agreed upon and identifying time lines and responsibilities.
1. This is a great way to find out what people were hearing and what they are really committed to.
2. Let the group share what they heard. You scribe. Let them do the work – it is amazing what will come out of this conversation.
3. Be sure to leave enough time to re-explore issues that finally come out when the work is assigned. It is one thing for “someone” to have to do x, but when it is assigned to me, I may suddenly realize I have to speak out. This is a critical moment when you are changing the culture.
  1. Do not get mad because they didn’t say anything before.
  2. Do not say, this was already discussed and cut off the conversation.
  3. Do not say, we don’t have time for this.
  4. Instead, go back to “tip # 3” and celebrate the fact that concerns are being brought up. This is what you want to see! Hopefully, your team will see that you mean it and bring up concerns earlier next time.

Take a risk to give some feedback (use radical candor) privately with a member of your team or a colleague.
1. Remind them that you are trying this new way of addressing issues and after you discuss the issue, you’d like feedback on how this worked.
2. Then provide a balance of care and challenge in giving the feedback. “I know working toward excellence is important to you, so I wanted to share that ….”
3. Ask for their thoughts about the issue, what they might need, etc.
4. Once the issue is addressed, ask them what they felt about the conversation itself. Is there something you could do better next time?
And ultimately, be consistent in your way of being. If your team is not sure what mood you are in, or how you are reacting “today,” they will not trust that your proposed changes are real. You will not be creating a safe environment. You need to model the behavior you want to see in your team…and then some.

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[1] Scott, Kim. Radical Candor. …
[2] Kim Scott, Patrick Lencioni, Kouzes and Posner and others…

IT IS YOUR JOB!

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on January 22, 2019

In Kim Scott’s introduction to her book, Radical Candor[1], she describes a frantic time at work where she was confronted with back to back, high emotion, high stress demands and interruptions. She called her coach and complained, “Is my job to build a great company, or am I really just some sort of emotional babysitter?” Her coach’s response is the most honest and difficult thing that a coach has to say, “This is not babysitting…It’s called management, and it is your job!”
IT IS YOUR JOB!!
Managing people is the hardest and MOST Important part of the work we do. In almost all work environments the cost of “human capital” is the largest part of the budget and yet we prefer to skirt the techniques that produce optimal results. We make sure the automobile fleet gets oil changes, brake checks and lube jobs on schedule, we change the air conditioning filters regularly and schedule a repair call as soon as we hear a funny noise. But when it comes to people, we postpone performance conversations and avoid or couch feedback that would improve an employee’s results because we don’t have the time.
The truth is, even with the myriad of management books, training programs and seminars on the market, we avoid dealing with our employees because of the emotional toll it takes – and the more we avoid addressing issues, the harder it gets.
What I appreciate about Kim Scott’s book is she clarifies the types of responses we make to employees on two axes – “caring personally” and “challenging directly,” and allows us to reflect on the outcomes of each of these approaches.

When we combine caring personally and challenging directly we have radical candor – which is telling people what they need to know in a way that is kind, compassionate and above all, clear.
When we challenge directly without caring personally, we move into obnoxious aggression. I think about folks who pride themselves on “telling it like it is,” or “brutal honestly.” The truth is more important than you or your feelings. Now the plus side of this approach is that at least you know where you stand and what’s going on. However, as you can imagine, it does not create an environment of trust and safety. If you need to be ready for the two by four to the back of the head at any moment, you will be keeping energy in reserve that could be better used for creative, productive oriented work.
On the other hand, if we care personally but do not challenge directly, Scott describes a way of engaging she calls ruinous empathy. In this case, I am so worried about your feelings (or perhaps concerned about my own discomfort?) that I only share positives, hedge about any issues or concerns, and never tell you what I really think or what is really needed. Scott shares a story of having to terminate an employee who was producing poor quality work over ten months. During the termination interview he asked, “but why didn’t you tell me?” How much do we invest in failed hires that could have been saved with more clarity early on?
What is significant about ruinous empathy is how much damage it does under the guise of being nice: loss of trust, loss of relationship, loss of quality work, loss of time, loss of employee morale. There is nothing nice about it.
And finally, in the fourth quadrant we have manipulative insincerity, engagement where the individual doesn’t care and doesn’t challenge. They avoid the truth, say what needs to be said to get through the moment and move on without any relationship or feedback at all. At least with ruinous empathy there is a sense that the person actually cares and is just stuck in “nice” mode. Here we’ve got nothing.
Scott challenges us to assess our own actions and responses whether as a manager or a colleague. Few of us get it right all of the time, but by being cognizant of what we are doing and the impact our actions are likely to have, we have the opportunity to change and improve.
And that is where the book gets even more interesting! Because in amongst the stories and examples, Scott provides useful recommendations on how to begin to implement radical candor in the workplace. It is solid people-management best-practice!
She discusses strategies for both formal and just-in-time performance feedback, team development, addressing bias, structuring meetings and getting results. And, she provides time frames and time lines to address the anxiety about how to do all that and “my real job!”
Ultimately, it is about creating an environment where employees can “bring their best selves to work.”
Check out her book and go to her website: radicalcandor.com
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[1] Scott, Kim. (2017) Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity. New York: St. Martins Press.

Lessons Learned – 2018

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on December 20, 2018

By: Rory Gilbert with much input from Carla Rotering!

December is a wonderful time to reflect on how we have grown and what we have learned in the past year. As a leader, time for reflection is critical to our overall effectiveness – it keeps us engaged, mindful and humble. I hope you take some time to consider what has changed and what you have learned this year.
What have I learned for myself? The biggest learning for me has been very personal. I’ve learned to accept the kindness and support from my friends and colleagues and to reach out in support as well. My focus in the past has been on success and achievement. This year I’ve really seen how important my relationships are for my life. In fact, after this year’s Summit I was inspired to write to a few of my colleagues in appreciation.
I’ve asked Carla Rotering’s permission to share what I captured from her Summit presentation on Belonging.
Carla’s premise requires a change of mindset from understanding belonging as something that comes from other people, to belonging as a way of being. Belonging is about how we approach the world. She shared her own story of feeling like an outsider, of “longing to belong.” Her childhood story resonated with my own story of feeling different, like an outsider, waiting and hoping to be included. Somehow, we believe we are separated based on our “worth,” and our own beliefs: believing ourselves less than and too small banishes us to a solitary experience. She shared a poem by Creig Crippen (also known as Prodigy) to capture this mindset shift.

Do not chase love,
Choose love.
Do not need love,
Share love.
Do not fear love,
Embrace love.
Do not seek love,
Become love.

While we thirst for connection, to be part of something greater than ourselves, we assume that it comes from out there. Here’s one way I’ve come to think about it. Imagine you are at a party and you do not know anyone. It is not your party and you see everyone else having fun, talking to each other. You wait, hoping to catch someone’s eye, someone’s interest. And you wait. Now, imagine the same party where you see yourself as a host – still don’t know anyone, and yet, now you feel a sense of responsibility to make connections, to introduce yourself to others, to introduce others to each other. You see yourself as a necessary participant in the success of the party.
For some people, this experience of engaging is natural. For others of us, it is a new and different way of being. Think about how different this feels!
Carla states, “We are not exiled by divine design. Our busy thinking and our formed beliefs create doubts and fears, insecurities and cautions meant to keep us safe. When we believe those thoughts, we live in the feeling of isolation and separation – a misunderstanding. You are not required to believe those thoughts. The door to belonging opens from the inside. Be liberated. Be free. WE ARE BORN INTO BELONGING.”

it was when I stopped searching for home within others
and lifted the foundations of home within myself
I found there were no roots more intimate
than those between a mind and body
that have decided to be whole
~ rupi kaur

This way of thinking, separating ourselves from the whole, may in fact be a product of our western culture that celebrates the individual. Carla reminds us that other cultures and societies believe differently. She shared the concept of Ubuntu, a Nguni Bantu term meaning “humanity.” It is often translated as “I am because we are.” It “is often used in a more philosophical sense to mean ‘the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity.’”
She shared Desmond Tutu’s view of Ubuntu, “A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs to a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed.”
Ubuntu, a sense of belonging, a way of being, is a choice for us. It requires us to challenge our often unexplored beliefs about how we are and who we are in the world. And then it challenges us to act from those beliefs, not in grand gestures, but in small invitations to bring others in.
As we approach the new year, it is a wonderful time for us to step back and think about what we value and how we live those values. Carla asks,

What are the invitations you are extending to the world?

What invitations are being offered to you that you may not be seeing?

Greet the new year by embracing the gift of connectedness that each of us can orchestrate from where we sit in this world.
And finally, to my dear colleagues (Carla included), I think this captures how I feel and what I’ve learned. I am printing it here to publicly profess how important my colleagues are to my professional life and my personal well-being.
Of all the wonderful parts of this year’s Summit, I was most touched by Carla’s work on Belonging. I think I share that sense of being an outsider — lingering on the edge of a group. Carla’s description about Belonging coming from within really resonated with me — that I realize what is most important right now to me is my connection to others. And you all are such important pieces of my world. While we mostly connect through shared work experiences, we have also shared life experiences, support and care. I am so grateful for the space you make for me in your lives. You are such extraordinary colleagues and I am honored to be with you in this world.

Build Bridges – Structures We Sorely Need Right Now

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on October 15, 2018

We are living in a very difficult time where we are viewing the world from polar extremes. This becomes a challenge in the workplace where even a hint of one’s political affiliation may be enough to impact a work relationship, damaging trust, confidence and credibility. Many of us were raised with instructions never to discuss religion or politics in public settings…and this is one way to avoid problems. But perhaps we’ve been damaged by this rule…where we only talk about our beliefs (religion, politics, etc.) with like-minded people, and we only get our news/input from like-minded media outlets.
By doing this, we remain comfortable and secure in our own world view and those that do not agree are “the other.” How does this fit with what we know about productivity, innovation and risk management in the workplace which rely on encouraging diverse perspectives? For these diverse perspectives to be effectively utilized, we need to learn to be able to listen, suspend judgments and be open to possibilities. And the data indicate that companies that master this are ultimately the most profitable.
We know these skills are learnable. They are not mysterious…but they do require a willingness to try something different. What would happen if we committed to using these same skills to bridge the divides that are causing so much pain in our world today? What would happen if we took the time to:

Actively listen – hear what the other person is saying and confirm that what you think you heard is what they said. When people feel heard they are more willing to seek understanding as well – even if we do not agree.
Suspend judgment – don’t prepare your rebuttal while they are talking – consider the possibility that they have a reason for their point of view (that they are not a (insert your favorite denigrating term here for someone who doesn’t agree with you).
Be open to possibilities – what if they actually said something that made sense – how could you fold that into your belief system without it crumbling like a house of cards?

We know that it is easier to do these steps with people we care about and in fact, when we understand where people are coming from, their story, we hold them with respect and compassion.
So perhaps we need to start with a new first step – first hear people’s stories. Use active listening, suspending judgment and being open to possibilities as we learn more about how someone came to be where they are…and they can learn how we came to our place as well.
Stories bring us together, they build empathy, trust and compassion…they build bridges – structures we sorely need right now.
Emily Esfahani Smith, author of The Power of Meaning, began her studies researching what makes people happy. She discovered that happiness is just transitory comfort and ease. What provides people with resilience, strength and satisfaction is meaning and she defined four pillars to living a life of fulfillment and meaning. They are belonging, purpose, transcendence and storytelling.
I see these pillars operating to help us not only find our own meaning but to share in a larger sense of meaning in this world. I spent a number of years as a member of a local Rotary club. There were only about 20 of us in this particular club so we knew each other pretty well and we came from very different political, religious and other perspectives…and we knew it. However, we were all committed to making the world a better place. We ascribed to slogans like “Peace through service.” We joined together to help at-risk youth, to support the annual Veteran’s Day parade, to support literacy, feed the hungry, and ensure folks got dental care…and we supported global projects to bring clean water to remote communities and to eradicate polio.
This was amazing work! We found meaning and purpose together. And we spent time learning about each other. Once a month, a member was invited to tell their story – both professional and personal. Suddenly an 80-year-old retiree was a daring fighter pilot again, a 25-year-old “kid” was a courageous peace corps volunteer, we learned more about the police commander, the healthcare worker and the immigrant. Each of us emerged as whole, complex human beings.
It takes time and effort, it takes desire to know our neighbors and not hide away.
Imagine how telling our stories can bring us closer to belonging as we learn to understand each other, how we might find shared purpose in our lives and transcend our small divided viewpoints for a broader and more promising whole.
If you’d like a chance to explore meaning and purpose in community, consider joining us on November 9^th for the 12 Annual Leadership Summit. Share in conversation with some 70 other curious, courageous and unlike minded people to find a way of Being on Purpose. Click here to find out more information.

The Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series: An Interview with Amy Steinbinder

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on August 20, 2018

The healthcare industry continues to be faced with so many interacting challenges: rising costs, unstable funding, sustaining an adequate, engaged and experienced workforce, creating a positive patient experience, ensuring high reliability and implementing innovation. Thunderbird Leadership’s Managing Partner, Amy Steinbinder, PhD, RN, NE-BC, agreed to tell us about her work supporting nurse leaders during these turbulent times. Amy describes it this way, “demands within the nursing profession and within the healthcare industry are constantly in whitewater. All the rapids are a 10 right now.”
Amy asked herself, “How do you maintain your balance and sense of self when things are literally swirling all around you?” And her answer was to develop the Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series. “I’d like to be able to assist people to strengthen their own leadership and resiliency – with the goal of personal and professional resilience while achieving career aspirations.”
Why only nurse leaders, why not others in the health care profession?
The Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series is focused and targeted because nurse leaders have a tremendous amount of expertise and operational influence in directing patient care delivery. At the same time, there is this growing level of burnout among nurses. The Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series supports nurse leaders who then support the thousands of nurses who impact hundreds of thousands of patients every day!”
Amy described a current client who is dealing with the complexity of implementing new technologies and adding building locations while still sustaining high reliability patient care, getting people paid and adapting to continuous innovation and change. She said, “leaders are not only stretched thin but on a stretching rack – pulled in so many directions. How do they maintain their own core strength so they can be effective in their personal and professional lives?”
What does the Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series offer?
The Resilient Nurse Leader Coaching Series offers individual coaching sessions to help Nurse Leaders improve their effectiveness while maintaining personal balance.

Coaching will explore executive nurse competencies “to help nurse leaders identify where they are and where they want to be to be effective.”
Coaching is an iterative process of learning, applying and reflecting.
The process will use a variety of modalities to tap inner wisdom and creativity to gain mastery of the competencies to support the leader’s own leadership style.
Leaders will come away with new ideas and defined strategies that they can implement immediately.

What does the coaching look like?

Nurse leaders participate in six individual coaching sessions over three months.
Sessions are held every two weeks.
The first session is 90 minutes and subsequent sessions are 60 minutes.
Sessions explore the values that drive the leader’s work and provide the motivation to keep on pressing forward.

“I want to help people identify what they value most in their professional lives, what they want their legacy to be, what they want career wise.”
What I hear you saying is that for nurse leaders, the coaching time is critically important to ensure clarity of mind, clarity of direction, and strength to keep moving forward.
Amy shared a note she received from a nurse leader she coaches: “Amy, you have no idea how helpful this is and how much I look forward to our time together.”
Tell us about the competencies? Why focus on these?
“These competencies came from the literature.” In 2004, the Healthcare Leadership Alliance developed Nurse Executive Competencies that are considered foundational for today’s nurse leaders. They have been revisited and are still relevant.[1]
In 2016, Amy and a small group of content experts[2] convened to identify which of all the competencies would be most impactful for a nurse leader over a career in today’s and tomorrow’s healthcare environment. Their combined experience as Nursing Executives, CEO’s, Chief Integration Officers, COO’s and consultants to large scale organizational change provided them with inside and outside perspectives on the future of healthcare leadership. They identified five competencies they thought were most critical.
Amy briefly described the five competencies.
Resilience — The ability to maintain energy, focus and perspective during high stress, situational ambiguity and insurmountable challenges.

“Yes! the ability to maintain energy, focus and perspective no matter what is going on! The ability to learn quickly and recover quickly from things that go wrong – because they do, and they will.”

Advocacy — The ability to influence, champion, articulate, inspire, and enlist others to do the right thing at all levels.

“…Not just for patients and staff, but for the providers in the organization and the organization itself; really ensuring that the nurse leader is doing the right things for all of these constituencies. They have to have in depth knowledge of so many disciplines beyond just clinical practice.”

Engagement — The ability to actively apply values of caring and respect, along with skills of communicating warmth and genuine interest in others, to promote trust with individuals and teams.

Leading engagement has become critically important for day to day results. It is easy for any of us to lose our way. How do we keep people energized and excited no matter how hard the work is? How do we promote and build trust, appealing to both the heart and head?

Executive Presence – The ability to engage, connect and influence others.

Organizations are experiencing so much change and so many people are involved. How does a nurse leader establish her own presence in assisting people to becoming engaged? As a leader, how do you stay calm under pressure, maintain curiosity and remain optimistic?

Minding the Gap — The ability to recognize and attend to the dynamic tension between innovation and the untested with high reliability and a preoccupation with failure.

The most interesting one for me is “minding the gap.” In every organization there is so much that is occurring, so much is untested. How do you balance the untested, the innovation, at the same time as we focus on high reliability? This requires being aware of what can fail, what failure looks like and watching for early warning signs, subtle flags that alert you to potential failure. So individual teams and organizations can respond quickly and move forward.

Nurse leaders need to be asking questions – such as if we failed in this project, what would have had to happen…so you can back it up – to look at what we need to be paying attention to; having agreement on what we would do, how we would address red flags if they emerged. This does not mean we think we are going to fail, but we are preoccupied with what could go wrong – so we can be timely in response…going back to resilience so you can learn and recover quickly.

What do you bring to the coaching experience?
I am a Certified Executive Coach and Integrated Health Coach with over 30 years of healthcare leadership experience including experience conducting workshops and facilitating individual and group learning to achieve personal and organizational results.
Why is this so important to you?
The biggest reason is that healthcare is in crisis. It impacts all of us. We are all on either side of the healthcare divide…as providers and as patients at any one time.
How can people learn more about the series?
Click here to visit The Resilient Nurse Leader page at Thunderbird Leadership Consulting.
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^[1] American Organization of Nurse Executives. (2015). AONE Nurse Executive Competencies. Chicago, IL: Author. Accessed at: www.aone.org
Accessible at: http://www.aone.org/resources/nurse-leader-competencies.shtml
Stefl, M, Common Competencies for All Healthcare Managers: The Healthcare Leadership Alliance Model. Journal of Healthcare Management. November/December 2008: 360-374.
Gerardi D, Using Coaches and Mentors to Develop Resilient Nurse Leaders in Complex Environments. Voice of Nursing Leadership. July, 2017: 8-12.
Waxman KT, Roussel L, Herrin-Griffith D, D’Alfonso J, The AONE Nurse Executive Competencies: 12 Years Later. Nurse Leader. April, 2017: 120-126.
^[2] Dr. Kathy Scott, RN PhD, FACHE, Colleen Hallberg, RN MSN, Amy Steinbinder RN, PhD, NE-BC in consultation with expert colleagues across the country.

The Butterfly Effect

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on July 16, 2018

I was a philosophy major as an undergraduate and for my senior thesis I found myself wrestling with determinism v. free will. Are we on a pre-planned course? Do we have the capacity to change the world? My answer at the time was that everything is in effect determined by all that has come before, that we are on a track rolling toward our destiny, but we still must choose our course based on what we know and feel at the time to be right, and that is, in effect, free will.
So, who would think some xx years later, I’d read a small statement that brought me back to those heady college days.

Butterfly Effect
The scientific theory that a single occurrence,
no matter how small,
can change the course of the universe
forever.

This concept emerges from chaos theory[i] and challenges my notion of determinism. Chaos theory proposes that in complex systems, small changes can have unpredicted effects. That is why weather prediction, while getting more accurate, still remains a matter of probabilities… or predicting the stock market, election results, etc. And interestingly, in research, we know that just having an observer can influence the outcome.
So, this got me to thinking about my coaching and organizational development work. I thought about DiSC™ styles. DiSC™ identifies four different ways healthy people approach the world (in various combinations) as ways we can better understand ourselves and others. One of the key elements it explores is sense of control. Some of us tend to think we control our world (let me lead) and others that we must respond to our world (let me prepare).
Those that think we control our world tend to be action oriented, decisive and fast-paced. I associated that with the concept of free-will, creating one’s destiny. Those that think we must respond to what the world hands us tend to be more analytical, deliberative and more moderate-paced. I associated that with the concept of determinism, having to accept what happens.
The Butterfly effect suggests that we all have impact whether we are aware of it or not – that how I act or even if I act is a choice that impacts my world. I sometimes feel very small, unimportant and of little value. I can convince myself that whether I take action, donate to a cause, speak up or stand up will make little difference. But the Butterfly Effect reminds me that I what I do or don’t do makes a difference. We are all interconnected, and our actions matter even when we don’t know it.
Heraclitus stated, “The only constant is change.” This was true some 2500 years ago, and is even more so, now. Our world is complex, rapidly changing, and only somewhat predictable…so let me do as much as I can to prepare (responding to the world) and then step up (creating our destiny) as I need to.
How do I prepare? I keep current on what is happening in my world, in my sphere of influence. I consider possibilities and probabilities and what resources and actions might be required. I also consider my values, my priorities and sense of purpose so that I base my course of action on what is important.
How do I step up and lead? I use all my preparation to allow thoughtful and meaningful decisions in the time frame that is required. I avoid knee jerk reactions or being immobilized because I was not prepared.
And I whether I tend to be more action or preparation oriented, I find trusted people in my world who complement my strengths and skills and join me in actions and decisions…without always knowing the results of our actions and decisions. And I accept the fact that the end results may not be what I thought they would be.
In my first career, I was a youth and family counselor. I provided prevention and early intervention work to middle school students. I met with a group of 7^th grade girls to help them adjust to adolescence and middle school. One of the girls never spoke in the group and I wondered why she kept coming and doubted anything we did was making a difference. Some four years later, I was walking down the halls of a high school when a young woman approached me and called me by name. It was this same young woman, now a confident and successful junior in high school. I told her that I was surprised she recognized me and she said something I will never forgot. “I remember everyone who tried to help me.”
So, consider the Butterfly Effect in human behavior as well as in the physical world. Every day we make choices about where we put our energy, how we behave, what we do…and what we think. We make a difference in our world mindfully or heedlessly.
On November 9^th, Thunderbird Leadership will be sponsoring our 12^th Annual Leadership Summit, Being on Purpose: Small Enough to Manage, Big Enough to Matter. We’ll be exploring how we can intentionally impact our world from our own little spot on our own little planet. For more information go to: http://thunderbirdleadership.com/event/12th-annual-leadership-summit-being-on-purpose
“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.” – Eckhart Tolle
[i] For a brief introduction to the Butterfly Effect and Chaos Theory check out: https://www.americanscientist.org/article/understanding-the-butterfly-effect
https://www.forbes.com/sites/startswithabang/2018/02/13/chaos-theory-the-butterfly-effect-and-the-computer-glitch-that-started-it-all/#58b6d90269f6

When the Going Gets Rough: Turn to Wonder

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on June 15, 2018

We have been conditioned to believe in a direct link between action and reaction, cause and effect. Something happens (you do something) and I respond. This leads us to think we do not have control over our reactions to our environment…you made me mad! You hurt my feelings!
What we know however, is that context influences our reactions. In psychology there is an entire therapeutic practice based on this – cognitive-behavioral therapy. It is premised on the concept that between cause and effect is my interpretation of the situation…and this influences my response.
A dear friend of mine has often said, “When you love someone, you can tolerate just about anything…once you fall out of love, the way they brush their teeth can make you crazy.”
I used to carpool with a friend who had a baby daughter. Towards the end of the work day, she got a call from the sitter that her little one started spiking a fever. My friend called the doctor and was told the office would squeeze them in if they could get there by 5:30. We left the office immediately and hurried to the sitter. Of course, it was rush hour and there was road construction. A lane on the road was closed up ahead and everyone was merging. How would we make it on time? I am not sure of your attitude toward the people who whiz by you when the lane is ending, but I have always considered them selfish, arrogant, pushy… And yet, I opted to zip down that merge lane to the very end to save us precious time…and someone graciously let me back in! We made it to the sitter and my friend and her sweet baby made it to the doctor’s office on time!
Why do I share this story? It is about context. Now when people are whizzing by me in the merge lane, I stop myself from getting upset and wonder where they might be hurrying to, what might be going on in their lives.
When things get rough, turn to wonder. The Center for Courage and Renewalⁱ developed touchstones for their Circles of Trust, one of which is the focus of this month’s blog entry. “When the going gets rough, turn to wonder.” ⁱⁱ
Rather than create and act on my own understanding about what is happening, why people are doing what they are doing, what their motivations might be, I can step back and reflect. If I assume most people have good reasons for their behavior, what could they be?
Most people are able to defend their actions. I don’t have to agree with their justification or decision, but how does it impact my reaction if I at least understand why they are doing what they are doing. Does it soften my response? Do I have a chance of building relationship rather than destroying it? Can my understanding bring us closer, rather than increase distance?
My challenge is to discipline myself to take that step back and consider alternative explanations. I aspire to be open minded and a life-long learner. The practice of turning to wonder seems an ideal technique to help me achieve those aspirations. Now if only I could help others do the same…
I have several colleagues, friends and even family members who are convinced that they know other people’s motives and intent, without ever checking to see if their assumptions are true. When I see things differently, I have a hard time even inviting them into my world. I find myself shutting down instead and avoiding the conversation at all because I see them as unwilling to even consider another point of view.
What if I could invite them to turn to wonder…it doesn’t mean they have to change their conclusion, but to at least entertain the possibility that there is more than one way to see things. We know that perspective taking increases innovation and creates a more inclusive and accepting environment.
I wonder:

If asking them to turn to wonder could be a more acceptable and approachable way for them to consider other options?
If I could connect with them instead of shutting down?
Why they think their way is the only right way?
Why it is so important for me to influence their way of thinking?

There are so many possibilities. What do you wonder about?
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ⁱ The goal of the Center for Courage and Renewal is to strengthen relationships, build trust and empower people to create a better world. All of us have the capacity to lead from where we are to influence our environments for good. They do this through Circles of Trust. http://www.couragerenewal.org/
ⁱⁱ When the going gets rough, turn to wonder. Turn from reaction and judgment to wonder and compassionate inquiry. Ask yourself, “I wonder why they feel/think this way?” or “I wonder what my reaction teaches me about myself?” Set aside judgment to listen to others—and to yourself—more deeply.

Professional Beach Reads

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on May 16, 2018

I was watching the waves crashing on the beach this past Thanksgiving while talking to my son. We were talking about work and the challenges of management, decision-making and leadership. He told me about a book he had just read called Decisive by Chip and Dan Heath. With the incredible luxury of WIFI and Kindle, it was in my hands within minutes…and I had my perfect “professional beach read.”
While I was relaxing and recharging, Decisive became my companion. It was entertaining, thought provoking and inspiring. It insinuated itself into my relaxation as a way to rethink challenges that would be waiting for me when I returned home.
As coaches, we encourage leaders to step back and reflect, but everyone has to find their own way to do it successfully. For me, a professional beach read is like floating aimlessly on a raft and seeing where I end up…without a specific end goal in mind, but open to possibilities and connections.
So, as we set out on another summer, hop on board and consider the possibilities of your own professional beach read and see where it takes you. Hopefully, you too will return, recharged, inspired and with some new strategies in your tool box.
Beach Read I – recommended by Rory Gilbert
Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work (Heath, Chip; Heath, Dan), The Crown Publishing Group, Kindle Edition
In Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work, Chip and Dan Heath provide some staggering statistics about how poor our decision-making is: everything from career choices (50% of teachers quit within 4 years, 40% of senior level hires are pushed out or quit within 18 months) to business decisions (83% of mergers and acquisitions fail to create value for stakeholders), to retirement saving, relationships, food choices…you name it. They then challenge us:
“When it comes to making decisions, it’s clear that our brains are flawed instruments. But less attention has been paid to another compelling question: Given that we’re wired to act foolishly sometimes, how can we do better?” (Heath, Kindle locations 80-83)
The Heath’s premise is that our decision-making processes are flawed and better processes such as exploring alternative points of view, recognizing uncertainty and searching for evidence that contradicts our beliefs can help us improve our outcomes.
They explore four “villains of decision making” and recommend strategies to overcome them. The villains are: narrow framing – seeing limited options – this or that; confirmation bias – seeking out data that confirms our initial opinion or belief; short-term emotion – that limits our ability to have perspective; and over-confidence – trusting your own ability to predict the future.
And the rest of the book is about how to counter these villains. They provide a simple formula and then specific suggestions that are practical and immediately applicable. Two of my favorites:

Watch out for limiting options – when we hear “do I want this or that…” start thinking about how to combine this and that and/or what else can you do. Don’t succumb to a forced choice – open up the possibilities!

How do I use this? I have a tendency to get really excited about new projects. Usually, I am asked – do you want to take this on or not? I always want to say yes…it sounds like fun, I am confident I/we can do it. Over time, I have learned to find people to help me reality check my excitement. All I can see is the possibilities glimmering in front of me. I now have a kitchen cabinet who gets me out of “the spotlight effect” and answers my question, “what am I not thinking of?”
The Heath’s propose: “What if we started every decision by asking some simple questions: What are we giving up by making this choice? What else could we do with the same time and money?” (Heath, Kindle Locations 688-690)

Consider the opposite – try to gain perspective and overcome confirmation bias – they discuss the value of “the devil’s advocate,” and also talk about the challenge if people get too polarized. One of their suggestions to reduce polarization is to ask folks from different points of view, “What would have to be true for this option to be the right answer?” (Heath, Kindle Locations 1483-1484) Now, the exercise is about looking at variables and possibilities rather than just maintaining a position. This strategy enhances cooperation, understanding and mutual commitment to the best outcome.

And there are more…I keep getting excited about another one and another one…so I think I just better suggest, read the book! It is fun, enlightening and entertaining.

Beach Read II – recommended by Jill Bachman
Factfulness: Ten Reasons We’re Wrong about the World- and Why Things Are Better Than You Think (Rosling, Hans; Ronnlund, Anna Rosling; Rosling, Ola), 2018, Flatiron Books
While this title may not grab you as a “professional beach read”, it did turn into that for me. The book is intelligent, humorous, easy to read, and chock full of aha moments. Rosling, who collaborated with his adult daughter and son on the book, is Swedish, and dedicated much of his life to understanding the important trends in the world. Educated as a physician, he practiced in evolving third world countries. He was also a statistician, academic and public speaker. At a very early age he developed liver issues, coping with hepatitis C throughout his life. In 2017, he died from pancreatic cancer at the age of 68, one year after being diagnosed. He was driven to complete this book before his death.
Rosling starts your journey with an introduction about sword swallowing, a mini-discussion of chimpanzee logic (there is none, really, just randomness), and a series of questions (the Gapminder Test) about the state of current world conditions. I was woefully disappointed in my score, as I view myself as someone who “keeps up” with things like poverty, hunger, global warming and other “light” (ha!) beach read topics.
He then presents the reader with a series of “instincts” which he believes are the basis of our gross misunderstanding of the world. Taken together, these 10 instincts create a powerful set of approaches to help us behave more thoughtfully and effectively. The instincts are the Gap Instinct, the Negativity Instinct, the Straight Line Instinct, the Fear Instinct, the Size Instinct, the Generalization Instinct, the Destiny Instinct, the Single Perspective Instinct, the Blame Instinct, and the Urgency Instinct. Each of the instincts is developed with his real-life examples, some heartbreaking in their “missing the boat”. He concludes the book with chapters titled Factfulness in Practice, and Factfulness Rules of Thumb. I loved his quote near the end; “When we have a fact-based worldview, we can see that the world is not as bad as it seems- and we can see what we have to do to keep making it better.” (Rosling, Kindle location 3316.)
Two of the instincts that I find myself frequently “defaulting” to are the negativity instinct and the urgency instinct. The negativity instinct, he claims, is especially bad because “The loss of hope is probably the most devastating consequence,” (Rosling, Kindle location 876), keeping us from taking action on a situation. He suggests that we learn to keep two ideas in our head at the same time, something like, “This is a tragic situation AND here is something that can be done about it.” Another idea is to expect bad news, so that you don’t get caught off guard when bad things happen.
The urgency instinct is a problem, he claims, because “When we are under time pressures and thinking of worst case scenarios, we tend to make really stupid decisions.” (Rosling, Kindle location 2893.) To counteract an urgency impulse, stop and name it as a call/demand/expectation to take immediate action. Question just how urgent the situation really is. The truth is, those situations are rare today. Be wary of drastic action. How many times have you responded urgently to something, only to create a worse outcome for yourself? If someone is trying to convince you that you need to act now, insist on more information. What will happen if you decide not to act NOW. Will the sale come again? Can the issue really be solved in a heartbeat anyway? Recognize that the manipulative use of fear is often behind the call to urgency in order to get us to respond.
In today’s dramatic and media-driven climate, a book that suggests that many things we thought were awful are actually improving has naturally generated critical responses, challenging that Rosling was a Pollyanna, and a confused statistician. IMHO, whether or not you agree with those criticisms, Rosling performed a valuable service with this book, giving us tools to think and respond much more deeply about the state of the world and our own lives.
We’d love to hear from you and learn more about your favorite beach reads as we all head into the summer ready to be re-energized.

Going it Alone?

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on April 15, 2018

In the world of work, it is important to appear capable and strong. As a leader, I have to make the tough calls. While I value collaboration, the truth is that in the end it is about what I accomplish, how I am seen. That is how I succeed, how I earn my paycheck, how I advance.
If we reflect honestly, aren’t these messages lingering in the back of our minds and influencing how we connect with our work world? Do these messages really help us be and do our best?
Let’s take a look at the outcomes of these messages:

We become cautious about what we share.
We become anxious about making mistakes.
We don’t ask for help when we need it.
We become defensive when people make suggestions or question us.
We feel disconnected from our colleagues.

And the outcomes for our company or organization?

Missed opportunities
Missed innovations
Increased risk
Decreased productivity

The notion that we need to “go it alone” is hard to shake. And yet, research indicates that creating inclusive, trusting work environments increases profits, productivity, innovation and results. But how do you change your thinking and change your culture?
One proven strategy is coaching for both individuals and teams. “According to the 2009 Global Coaching Client Study, 96 percent of clients said they would repeat the coaching experience. That kind of validation underscores why many organizations are calling in the coaches as a way to achieve success.” (https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/pages/0914-executive-coaching.aspx)
A coach is a thinking partner who provides support, perspective, insights and an accountability structure for change in a safe and confidential environment. Coaches have skills in the processes that allow for change: listening, observing, asking probing questions, identifying conflicting thoughts and feelings, developing plans, timelines, milestones, assessing obstacles and ensuring strategies for commitment and accountability.

“Thank you so much! We couldn’t have done it without you; your energy, focus and expertise in guiding us was exceptional!”

Coaches adapt their style based on your preferred way of communicating, learning and handling confrontation and decision making.

“I’ve used (coach)’s services …with my leadership team. Her expert facilitation of our leadership retreats, along with her engaging presence, helped to motivate even skeptical team members to learn more about themselves and each other. Not only does she listen, but she follows through to make sure she meets everyone’s expectations.”

Some coaches are experts in your field and may change hats to a consulting and information imparting role, but others are experts in coaching and count on you to be the expert in your field.

“I enjoy talking with you because I always walk away having learned something about myself and my organization.”

One thing coaches don’t ever do is tell you what to do. They are on the sidelines – you are in the game and you are the decision-maker.
As certified coach Michael Esposito, SPHR, puts it, “A great coach raises probing questions, and the client comes to the answer himself. A great consultant tells you what you need to do.” (https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/pages/0914-executive-coaching.aspx)
Why have a coach? To explore issues and decisions in a safe, non-judgmental environment – risk free! Because the coach is not in your reporting line or part of your team, you have the opportunity to be more open, take risks in thinking and exploring. You can even be grouchy, irritated, frustrated, scared or downright despairing without ruining your public image or affecting a performance appraisal.
Coaching will also look different depending on where you are in your professional development. Coaching can be used at the start of one’s career to identify strengths, address challenges and identify goals.

“I wanted to give you some very exciting and life changing news. I mentioned in my last email to you, I applied for x position. I got the call today and I accepted. After the call, I wanted to dance on the top of my desk, however OSHA standards, LOL

I am full of emotions with the news. I can’t put into words how much you helped me grow personally and professionally. Thank you for all the support, and guidance and not letting me off the hook … I am lucky to have you … you helped me find the confidence to apply. You helped me re-gain my focus on my career path. I will carry the tools you gave me in my bag for the rest of my career.”

For some individuals, it is about transitioning to a new or higher position…and identifying behaviors that need to be strengthened or changed.

“My coach reflects back what I have said and suddenly I am faced with perspectives I had not even considered!”

For some, it is about being lonely at the top…having someone with whom you can be fully vulnerable – where you don’t have to be “on.”

“It is with sincere gratitude that I express my experience of personal growth during my coaching sessions over the past few months. Not only does my coach actively listen, she hears what the underlying conversation is that remains unsaid. Her insights and ideas have fostered contemplation and new actions to take to meet my desires and goals. Thank you for supporting me in achieving balance to what can be an otherwise hectic pace….”

And as for team coaching, the entire team is invited to grow with a shared vision and shared agreements on how to work together…building trust, increasing skills and capacities to keep on top of today’s rapidly changing environment.

“Thank you! The team is soaring. You have been a great help to us and we are finally getting back to feeling as though we each have value and add value to the team, campus and organization.”

At Thunderbird, we consider coaching leaders and leadership teams our “sweet spot.” All our coaches have been in leadership positions and know what it is like to be out there alone. We truly appreciate our ability to partner with people and watch them identify and achieve their goals. It is great to be on the sidelines of your success!!!
At Thunderbird, the core of our work… is based on trust, community and integrity. We live in a turbulent world. There is so much fear. We foster safe spaces for people to have hard conversations, to be vulnerable with each other, to discover and learn to create better futures for themselves and their organizations. We believe people are well-intentioned but they don’t always have the skills they need.
Our sweet spot is leaders at all levels! People are generally interested in improving themselves and their companies. We provide a forum for them to be their best!
Find out more at: http://thunderbirdleadership.com/how-we-help/

Why is Accountability So Hard?

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on March 15, 2018

What is the number one frustration for people managers? In my coaching work, I hear repeatedly that it is getting people to do what we expect them to do. Whether it is how they prioritize, the process they use to get results or the actual tasks they do, I repeatedly hear folks sigh, “If I want it done right, I have to do it myself!”
So why can’t we get people to do what we want, when we want it, how we want it? Here are a few observations:
1) The most important thing we can do is be clear about our expectations. Whether we are working with a brand-new employee or a long term established employee, we need to take time to be sure we are clear on priorities, goals and processes and how the employee’s work links to the organizational mission.
I remember speaking with an executive who prided himself on never providing feedback or assessments to his “good” employees. “I only do evaluations when people are not performing well,” he said. He went on to explain that they received their job description when they came in and they should know what to do.
Can we really expect a job description to cover all our expectations? Don’t things change over time? Even with high level employees, is it possible that what they think is important is not what we think is important?
While there is a lot of discussion about the pros and cons of annual reviews, there is no doubt that setting expectations, updating them and providing feedback regularly is critical to performance success.
2) And then, whether we set expectations or not, our next challenge is how we communicate what we want. We are totally clear in our own heads – I know I make sense to myself. However, I have discovered that what I think I thought I said is not what other people hear. If you want to be sure you are on the same page, you need to summarize what you’ve discussed and agreed to…preferably in writing. How does this play out?

On the fly comments are not captured.
For example, I am walking with someone to a meeting and say something like, “and I’d like it if you did x, y or z…” I remember I said it. I see it as a directive. Did the person I related it to write it down? Did we discuss a due date? Did we prioritize? What are the chances this will be retained after the meeting? Would I remember it if the tables were turned? Be careful that we don’t think we are so important that our “in passing thought” will be retained.
Weekly meetings end in confusion.
You have a typical one-hour meeting with your direct report or your team and discuss a dozen different items. Time is up and off you go, each of you totally clear in your own minds about what was important, the priorities, strategies and time lines.

Stop the meeting with ten minutes to go and review what you have discussed. Ask your direct report(s) to summarize…that way you will know what they heard and plan to do. This is a great way to identify misunderstandings, ideas that were dropped and disagreements with the plan of action. You may discover that you need more than ten minutes for the summary.
Often, it is not until the review that you discover that someone is not buying in to an action item. They were silent during the meeting because they were still thinking about it and/or disagreed but didn’t want to bring it up, but now that you mention it again and are defining it as a priority…well it is time to speak up because it isn’t going to disappear.
How often have you raised an item at a meeting and there is no response? We usually assume that everyone is on board, but the truth is, silence is sometimes cloaking discomfort, dissatisfaction or confusion. One of my favorite concepts from Patrick Lencioni is to assume silence is disagreement. Invite affirmative commitment to a plan before you think you are ready to go forward.
Ultimately, summary reviews should include priorities, responsibilities, timelines and check-in dates. And, how will you document these? Format can range from a white board, easel page, spreadsheet or project management program depending on your team, the complexity of the projects and preferred workstyles. If it is not documented, it isn’t going to happen!

Direct requests are not followed up on.
This is an interesting item. I am amazed at how clearly we think we are saying things (remember how clear we are in our own heads?) and yet we are often vague, noncommittal and ultimately unclear in what we want. I’ve invited myself into meetings with directors and managers who are beside themselves with frustration because they do not get the results they want from their direct requests. I’ve heard some of the following:

Would you be willing to do x? (and then they are surprised when the employee declines to do x.)
It would be helpful if you could do x. (Employee hears, a “nice to do” not a “have to do.”)
I’d like you do x when you have the time. (no time line, no importance, no priority…are you surprised it isn’t done?)
What do you think about doing x? (interesting idea…oh, do you mean me?)

And in all of these cases, the leader/manager/supervisor thinks they have made a direct request. I’ve come up with two possible reasons why requests are framed this way…and would like to hear your thoughts.

The leader/manager/supervisor does not want to come across as too bossy or demanding. This can often be the case when someone was promoted from within the ranks. It is also possible when there are differences in social identity where there is a hierarchical imbalance. (E.g. age – younger boss to older employee; gender – female boss to male employee; race/ethnicity – person of color boss to white employee.) A lot of times these changes in how requests are made are not even conscious.
The leader/manager/supervisor thinks they are so important that they expect their employees to jump at their every wish. We shouldn’t have to write it down or review it, they should just do it. I am too busy to take the time.
Why else? Cultural differences? Personality differences?

3) And finally, the biggest challenge of all is follow-up. I’ve heard over and over again, “who is going to hold people accountable?” The answer is…you…by setting deadlines, requiring updates, expecting people to inform you ahead of time if they are facing a problem and/or are not going to be able to deliver on-time.
I spoke to an employee recently who was given an assignment a year ago. He’s been asked several times how he’s doing on completing it. He says, he’s working on it. His manager knows he should have it done by now but hasn’t said much more about it. The truth is, the employee has been overwhelmed by the task and has avoided it by keeping busy with other projects. How important is the project if it has been drifting along for a year?
We don’t have to be mean and nasty to get results. In a nutshell, we need to:

Set clear expectations that include priorities and expected outcomes.
Be mindful of when and how we frame requests.
- “On the fly” requests get lost.
- Casual requests may sound like suggestions or low priority.
Summarize action items from meetings to ensure timelines, responsibilities and priorities.
Link requests to the goals and purpose of the organization. We know that people are able to embrace their work more effective when they can connect the dots to purpose and meaning.
Follow-up in a timely manner. If it isn’t important to you, why will it be important to anyone else?