Jill Bachman, MSN – Thunderbird Leadership Consulting

To Develop Good Judgment…

Jill Bachman, MSN on January 21, 2020

Did you make any decisions for the new year? In our last blog Rory offered a reflective approach using four questions as a guide to help readers act to create a meaningful 2020. In thinking about decisions to act, I came across an interesting article about good judgment ^[1] by Sir Andrew Likierman. ^[2] The author and others contend that even though we may think we have all the information in the world, if we do not have ‘good judgment’, our decisions can be doomed.
Likierman offers this definition of judgment: the ability to combine personal qualities with relevant knowledge and experience to form options and make decisions. Judgment is at the “core of exemplary leadership” according to Noel Tichy and Warren Bennis in their book Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls ^[3]. They believe that judgment calls are the single marker of leadership.
To me, making a judgment as a process is clear, but the qualitative aspect of good judgment seems muddier, especially since the outcome of that judgment can often be seen as good or bad, depending on the viewer. I remember my father telling me that I obviously lacked good judgment when as a teenager I did something he didn’t like. . . I missed my curfew because I had to find someone other than the boy I came with to the party (now inebriated) to drive me home. I thought my judgment was pretty good. He disagreed.
Likierman’s article, based on interviews with CEOs and leaders from a broad range of companies, lays out six fundamental leadership practices that are at the heart of good judgment: learning, trust, experience, detachment, options and delivery. He concludes each practice with suggestions for how to improve it.
As you review these practices and recommendations, I invite you use them as an assessment. How do they apply to you, to your organization or community group, perhaps your colleagues?

Is there a recent decision that did not turn out as you expected, in spite of your being as thoughtful and prepared as possible?
Are you struggling with how to create a culture where diverse opinions are truly sought and welcome?
Does your organization suffer from a bias for quick action rather than good judgment?
Could your hiring process benefit from a makeover?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, we’d love to hear from you. Contact us at 602-538-2548 or 602-615-1192. We have the skills and experience to assist you on your journey.

Learning: Listen attentively, read critically

Good listening is at the core of every book and article I’ve ever read about leadership. I’m sure you too can state all the reasons why attentive listening is so important. Likierman makes the point that the listener is really mining for information. Smart leaders, he says, demand quality, press for it even, in the information they receive. Volume isn’t important, in fact it’s distracting in our era of information overload. Is it well-reasoned and clearly explained, are conclusions obvious? He also points out our human tendency to take the written word at face value, rather than consider it with a healthy dose of skepticism.
How to improve listening and reading:

Ask deep and thoughtful uncovering questions and consider body language to bring forth what isn’t said.
Look for gaps and discrepancies in what we’re learning.
Be aware of our own filters and biases. . . do we rely on one point of view, one news or business news source only? Do we know what makes us defensive and likely to reject something uncomfortable?

Trust: Seek diversity, not validation

Examples abound of executives and leaders who insulate themselves by choosing to be surrounded by like-minded people. It is not uncommon for those companies to experience large scale failures, if they are big enough, and failure to thrive if they are small. Though it is comfortable to be with people who share the same world view, that need for comfort should be saved for after hours. It is only in integrating diverse perspectives that we will have access to all the information needed for good judgment.
How to enhance a culture for broader points of view:

Cultivate sources of trusted advice.
Find people who will tell you what you need to know, not what you want to hear.
Seek out different points of view. Ask for them, don’t wait for someone to timidly come forth because they see things differently than you.
Learn to evaluate the process of someone’s judgment. Try to discover how someone arrives at a decision and action as well as a project’s outcomes.

Experience: Make it relevant but not narrow

There is much to be said for hiring someone who has a lot of experience in your industry, but make sure there is breadth to it as well as depth. Someone who has years of experience in a fairly narrow niche, for example, out-patient surgery, may find themselves making “easy” judgments out of habit, or overconfidence or familiarity.
How to improve the experience factor:

Evaluate your own past experiences honestly in making good and bad judgments. Review those situations to see what else you can learn.
Recruit a smart friend who can look over your shoulder and be a neutral critic.
Work to expand the breadth of your own experience.

Detachment: Identify, then challenge biases

The skill of detachment is a difficult one to master because it requires us to set our egos aside and remove any personal connection to a particular outcome. Acting with detachment is easier if we are able to understand and address our own biases.
Some ways to improve detachment:

Understand, clarify and accept points of view different from your own.
Try out role plays and simulations, letting people take on different perspectives to see what they learn.
Support leadership development programs; they broaden exposure to leaders with different thinking, experiences and points of view.
Assume that mistakes will occur. Plan for them.

Options: Question the solution set offered

The author makes the point that even though you might be offered two options to choose from, often as not there are more options that haven’t even been considered. There are always more. Not taking action is an option as well as delaying a decision. It is important to explore as many options as possible and try to surface the unintended consequences of each.
Improve your options:

Press for clarity on poorly presented information, challenge it if information is missing.
Be aware of two risks associated with novel solutions – stress and overconfidence – and mitigate them if possible through piloting one or two before full implementation.
Understand that people often have personal stakes in an outcome. Try to figure that out and factor in others’ biases.
Be aware of the rules and the ethics that will bound a good judgment.

Delivery: Factor in the feasibility of execution

You can make all the right choices but lose out if you don’t exercise judgment in how and by whom those decisions will be carried out. What are the risks of half-hearted or poorly thought out implementation plans? Likierman points out that people with flair, charisma, creativity and imagination may not be in the best position to deliver the results you seek.
Ways to improve on the good options:

Make sure the people you choose to implement have the type of experience that closely matches up with its context.
Seek out ideas from your team about what might cause a proposal to fail.
Do not let yourself be pressured by an arbitrary timeline if you don’t have the right implementers.

There is a lot to be learned about the science and art of leadership. If, as Tichy and Bennis claim, judgment calls are truly the single mark of a leader, looking for ways to turn our OK judgments into good ones is well worth the effort. If you made some new decisions for 2020, reviewing and following the points above could strengthen your results. . . Good luck! And give us a call if you’d like to discuss your situation and how we can assist.
PLEASE NOTE: We are making some improvements to our website in February. Look for the return of our blog in March.
^[1]https://hbr.org/2020/01/the-elements-of-good-judgment (accessed 1/14/20)
^[2]Sir Andrew Likierman is a professor at London Business School and a director of Times Newspapers and the Beazley Group, both also in London. He has served as dean at LBS and is a former director of the Bank of England.
^[3]Tichy, Noel and Bennis, Warren. 2007. Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls. Penguin Group.

Summit Reflections – Part 1

Jill Bachman, MSN on December 9, 2019

13th Annual Leadership Summit
Reconstructing Leadership: Owning Our Power

One participant described it this way:
“A leadership spa for the soul that provided space for reflection, laughter and tears, commitment to a new way of being, connecting with old and new friends and appreciation for everything that we have.”
Situated at the Phoenix Art Museum on November 15, 2019, the Summit left me with lots of intriguing ideas, making for a rich and meaningful time.
Karla Kaelin, one of the speakers during the Leadership Panel, took us on a journey through three eras of industry, information and ideas, and how management, places of work and tools have changed in each. Old hierarchies are falling in favor of collaborative ‘messes’ which produce innovation much faster in response to the demand for shorter and shorter speed-to-market cycles. Technology is becoming so seamlessly integrated into our lives that we are virtually (ha ha!) unaware of it, like the air we breathe.
One of Karla’s points that excited me was this: What if work became the place you went to rejuvenate? Work can be draining for many people, and when we return home, we are too tired to engage well with the other parts of our lives. How interesting to think of work as a place of rejuvenation, where we receive as much (or more) energy as we give. What would have to happen to make that vision come true? More flexibility, more fun, more control, less nonproductive ‘stuff’? How could your workplace be more rejuvenating so that you wanted to go to work?
Here’s another ‘aha’ moment for me. . . In this era of 24/7 availability for many roles, it has to be OK to work at home, and to rest at work. When work happens is as big an issue as where work happens. Karla shared examples of hospitals with quality staff rest areas immediately across from a nurses station. . . mood lighting, recliners, Skype set ups for contacting family, ping-pong tables.
Who would have guessed that the activity titled Community Building would result in a rousing pick up chorus performance of ‘You Gotta Be’ by Des’ree? But that is exactly what happened, and even the non-singers in the group said they had fun. Musicians Nate Bachofsky and Kevin Monaco led us through group singing, singing in anthem-response style, adding harmonies, varying from whisper to crescendo, and playing with percussion. No doubt, we were energized.
When I think about singing in a chorus, there are lots of similarities to working in collaboration with others. For one, where I place myself when learning a new song is critical. If I’m not familiar with the melody or timing, being near a good singer (mentor?) who projects well is a smart plan. And if I am lucky enough to be in a group with harmonies and tambourines, I can immediately appreciate the richer sound we are trying to create. Adding diversity to our voices is powerful, just like in organizations. The result itself is energizing and spurs us on to better performance. Another similarity is in volume variety. Thinking about softs and louds can apply to leadership. Sometimes the most compelling part of a piece is the absolute quiet of a single, near-whispered note. The sound does not have to be full on William Tell Overture to capture one’s attention or imagination. Sometimes that is too much. Leaders can use many volumes to get their message across.
We had the delightful opportunity to meander through the wonderful Phoenix Art Museum. In the activity titled Transitioning/Owning Our Power guided by Amy Steinbinder, we had time to locate specific works that spoke to us, and answer the question ‘How does this art capture my story of transitioning and owning my own power?’ It was meaningful to share our insights with each other and appreciate the value of art in helping us connect with our deeper selves.
A piece of art that caught my attention was a series of modern paintings, big and subtle squares of color on white backgrounds. They were mostly in hues of orange and yellow. I normally love artwork that features nature, but on Summit day, I was drawn to this one. What pure potential, I thought, anything can appear here even on top of the squares. And that’s how I saw my life unfolding at the moment. A full canvas of opportunity with the time and tools to do and discover something new, which I had long been craving.
I realized too that I was attracted to the simplicity these pieces offered. . . something so basic as a square and color can be a beautiful thing. Just like leadership. One doesn’t need fancy gadgets or complex business models to be an effective leader. Awareness of what inspires your followers and use of your own personal presence are two basic, very simple yet very effective, skills.
The Emerging Leader Panel was facilitated by Rory Gilbert. What a fun discussion and reflection of the day through the eyes of younger leaders Nate Bachovsky, Kathleen Burke and Michelle Dew! Occasional glances around the room showed that seasoned leaders were paying rapt attention to the perspectives of these emerging ones. Here are a few points that inspired me.

Do not live and lead in fear. There is so much outside attention to “bad and awful” things, and giving them too much power reduces the energy we have for moving forward, to say nothing of hope and optimism.
Collaborate with partners who share the same passion. This results in a higher energy experience, more effective, and more fun, for everyone involved.
Keep and enhance ‘face’ connections and invest the time it takes. When possible, choose face over digital tools. Our devices are wonderful, but they do not have the value of personal contact and relationship that is often called upon in times of stress or conflict.
Leave behind the rigid idea of what a leader looks like. Leaders come from all walks of life, all ages, all levels of an organization. They can wear ‘man-buns’ or use a cane. They could speak English as a second language. They don’t have to look like you; in fact it’s usually better if they don’t.
We must be able to have civil conversations about difficult topics, at work and away. There’s a lot of focus on today’s polarized society and our culture’s inability to sit with our conflict partners and have a good discussion about. . . “almost anything.” It begins with the ability to separate the other’s beliefs from the worth of the person who holds those beliefs.
Leaders should be able to acknowledge their vulnerabilities. It is the appropriate sharing of these areas that can really open up a discussion. Imagine the vulnerability of a leader who says to her team “I’m not sure where this is going, but I wonder if any of you have the experience of loneliness (or fill in the blank) here at work. How does it affect your enjoyment and effectiveness while you’re here?” Big vulnerable moment because there may not be a clear direction for the discussion, or no one may feel or admit to being lonely. But if you have reason to believe that loneliness should be explored, you are doing just that, exploring with the possibility that something good may come from it.

Watch summit participants share reflections:

Though I need to stop reflecting here, there is a lot more that can be said about the Summit. Rory Gilbert will continue our next blog posting with Summit Reflections, Part 2.

Is it OK to Coast?

Jill Bachman, MSN on October 25, 2019

Fall has returned. In the breadbasket of the US midwest, it is the time after harvest, time to take a breath and celebrate, reflecting on the productivity of the prior season. . . a time for putting away and “putting up” (canning), an expression of my rural Grandmother’s. There is a similarity between fall and the modern concept of coasting. To me, there is seasonality to a project, a life, a career. Every season has a different focus and the coasting season is a time of slowing down.
A review of internet references highlights an interesting contradiction on coasting in the workplace. There is coasting as seen from the perspective of an individual, contrasted with the advice offered to managers about how to respond to the employee who is coasting. The first offers ways for someone to think about their career, workplace and job performance, even their lives. The other view of coasting is primarily negative, a problem to be addressed. In this blog, our focus will be on the former, and try to answer the question, is it okay to coast?
What does “coast” mean to you? Think about coasting as idling, being in the neutral gear. The engine is ready to take over when called for, and the driver is present. But we’re not really going anywhere. Another example is exercise, where coasting (resting) is a necessary part of strength training. In lifting weights we increasingly stress ourselves with more weight or more reps, then push and push some more until we can’t lift another once. Finally we rest, not just because we must, but because muscles need the time and access to nutrition for recovery.
I like the description by Lydia Smith (1) in her article “Why we should be coasting at work”. She suggests that coasting is “doing just the right amount of work to get by comfortably.” In this context, it is neither shirking one’s responsibilities, nor slacking.
Why should you coast? There is a common view that extremely busy people are very important and highly productive. But is that true? Is the so-called productivity accomplished by constant multitasking? We now have come to appreciate that effective multitasking has limited applications. . . yes when cleaning a counter and listening to an audiobook. No when simultaneously reviewing a board report, drafting an email and talking on the phone with your mother.
Often unseen is the toll of nonstop busyness on our health. We know that a constant flood of stress hormones is bad for us. The super busy person sacrifices relationships and sets a questionable example for the people around them. Nonstop busyness is unsustainable and often leads to burnout. Coasting can help us achieve some balance.
Coasting has two types.

The first type of coasting happens when something isn’t working. This coasting can feel like inertia, or trying to run through molasses. There is conflict to avoid, or perhaps you are feeling underutilized. Maybe you have overstayed your time in a role, or in a relationship. Are you uninspired? Coasting often shows up at work because people are trying to deal with personal problems or issues at home that take up lots of energy. This type of coasting needs intervention to help you get on a more fulfilling path.
The second type of coasting is when you make a conscious decision to lighten things up a bit. This coasting requires our awareness, perhaps a plan, to make sure that the lightening up does not become a habit that spirals into the first type.

When should we coast? When coasting is part of a conscious decision, not an accident or a habit, it is positive and healthy. Just as in exercise, coasting is necessary, not optional, after a period of hard work. The hard work could be the end of a project that your team has struggled mightily on. Maybe for you, it’s the completion of an educational degree or certificate; or for a nurse, finishing an orientation period and successfully “taking a full load of patients”. Perhaps you recently got married.
Coasting is also necessary at the organizational level. This is harder to implement because there are so many moving pieces. A few important things to consider are the stated and the realized culture, and the consistency of expectations across the company. Is it fine for one department to coast, but not OK for others? Does the leader verbalize an “OK to coast” philosophy in meetings, but demonstrate publicly that he is always available 24/7, miming the expectation that you be available all the time too?
What does “good” coasting look like? That depends on the situation.

It should be intentional and tailored so that the people who are coasting really feel a downshifting of their gears. . . it is definitely a breather, and not a brief token of one.
It is time limited. Coasting is not a way of being, it is a season or a vacation.
Whatever words are used to talk about it, the message needs to communicate that coasting is healthy and desirable. Think of coasting as preventive maintenance, allowing the individual, team or organization to downshift and regroup in order to keep the level of productivity where you want it to be.

For the team who has worked late days and long periods of overtime, coasting could be time off with a moratorium on work email and texts after 5 pm. It might be the agreement that no new projects will be considered for the next quarter, favoring instead an emphasis on troubleshooting and maintenance. For the newlyweds, it’s a honeymoon. For the new nurse, it could be a celebration with a friend and pampering with a pedicure.
When should you worry about coasting?
Is coasting your only gear? In this case, a lack of engagement may be masquerading as coasting. What is driving this coasting. . . a motivational problem, a poor fit with the job or organization, burnout, a lack of stimulation? Whatever the cause, reach out for some assistance. It could be from an employee assistance program, a therapist or coach or mentor, a frank conversation with a manager or a heart-to-heart talk with a trusted friend.
Do you never coast? There is a good likelihood that you will not survive in this mode for long, and your health, relationships and/or job/career will suffer. The suggestions above will be helpful in this case too.
So, is it OK to coast?
The short answer is yes, with a few caveats.
Healthy coasting is a form of self-care, a way to set limits on the pressures and demands that can reduce one’s effectiveness and enjoyment of life. Be aware that not every environment is the right environment for intentional coasting. If you need personal time off after a period of giving it your all, understand how the idea will be received by others around you. If your organization is not particularly supportive, keep your plans to yourself. But in all cases, remember that you are the only one who can take care of yourself. “Put your own mask on first.”
Next Time: In the Tips follow up to this post, we will dig deeper and also discuss the topic of managing employees who coast. Stay tuned.
________________________
References

Lydia Smith. https://finance.yahoo.com/news/why-we-should-be-coasting-at-work-060043512.html; accessed 10/14/19
https://www.theguardian.com/money/shortcuts/2018/nov/13/why-coasting-at-work-is-the-best-thing-for-your-career-health-and-happiness; accessed 10/5/19
https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/it-s-ok-go-ahead-and-coast.html; accessed 10/5/19

Tip of the Month, October 2019 – Tips on Repurposing….Leadership

Jill Bachman, MSN on October 8, 2019

Last month the Thunderbird blog featured Dr. Carla Rotering’s honor of a Healthcare Heroes Lifetime Achievement Award from the Phoenix Business Journal. The story she tells about living the early years of her life in a boxcar which was repurposed into a cozy home reminded me of the value of repurposing. And it got me to thinking about repurpose in a broader sense than physical recycling.
When I first retired from full time employment I worried about my purpose. Who would I be if I wasn’t a (fill in the blank)? Where would my worth and value come from? I knew those were questions that others anticipating retirement were facing too, so I decided to process the issues and gain perspective by writing a blog called Re:Purpose. Before the blog ended someone suggested that I concern myself less with the actual purpose, and more with repurposing the skills I had gained, applying them to the new areas of my life waiting to be discovered. Repurposing . . . applying or using something in a fresh new context.
Hmmmm. . . How about repurposing leadership? What about the nature of leadership itself. . . freshen and broaden the concept to include everyone in a business or a community or a family as a leader, not just those with the traditional leader title. Do we not all have some voice to offer in the direction of our lives?
And then there is the practice of leadership. We can apply “old” leadership practices in a new setting, in a new way, or with a little makeover. Whether it’s retirement, a new job, a new city, or even just a new office, the “new” about it signals the opportunity to think differently and bring the old, updated maybe, into the new. Recommitment, whether to the fundamentals or to the purpose itself, is another way of refreshing. Perhaps the very process of repurposing can lend a new perspective or help refuel some missing enthusiasm.
Here are some tips to apply the idea of repurposing to leadership.
Self Assessment: What leadership skills do you have that can be carried into a new arena?

Holding a clear vision
Inspiring others to achieve the vision
Communicating clearly
Identifying undeveloped potential in others and supporting growth
Modeling tolerance, even comfort with, ambiguity and conflict

How could you make your leadership skills work even better in a new context?

Gaining additional education to refresh and update
Working with a mentor or coach
Adding to your toolbox by identifying the skills of exemplars that you would like to develop

And where might your refreshed leadership skills be put to new use?

Have you always dreamed of owning your own business?
Perhaps there is a local non-profit whose vision and mission appeal to your values and passion. Maybe they are looking for a board member or volunteers.
In your own family are there new opportunities to apply improved and thoughtful communication? Are you the parent of a struggling teenager who needs direction, but is unable to take it from you? There might be other ways to guide them, perhaps other adults who could step in and encourage and support. Your leadership does not have to be doing it all yourself, but recognizing the need and working to meet it in the best way for your teen.
How about offering or developing yourself as a mentor, coach or consultant?

In today’s environment we hear so much about recycling, reusing, repurposing, etc., as a way of optimizing what we have and avoiding waste. When I think of repurposing, I also think about it as a recommitment to purpose. It could be that the bigger change is not in what we do but how we think. Remembering the why in what we are doing and why it matters and has meaning can help us approach our lives feeling refreshed, energized and re-purposed.
Thunderbird Leadership Consulting and Boxcar International want to remind you about our 13th Annual Leadership Summit on November 15th, in Phoenix, Reconstructing Leadership: Owning Our Power. Join us for a day where we explore how we deconstruct the messages that limit us and embrace new ways of being and doing, reconstructing leadership.
Leadership is perched at a frontier, with our classical model dissolving as new and bright ideas – our ideas – emerge within us, around us, and right before our eyes. We are caught holding on to an established gold standard while yearning for something different, something innovative – more aligned with the world we inhabit with all of its changes. Now is the time for a new construction for all of us who lead, aspire to lead, and yearn to lead from right where we are.
For more information, and to register, click on the link here.

Tip of the Month, September 2019 – Tips on the How of Staying or Going

Jill Bachman, MSN on September 3, 2019

Do you have an emergency communication plan and a “go” bag? These are the things people should think through and pack for any number of situations that could happen in life. I live in wild-land fire country, and I know first hand what it is to need to escape with the most important and irreplaceable things for my life.
In a similar vein, do you have an emergency plan in case you need to leave your work/job in a hurry? Seriously, hopefully no one reading this will be met one day with a security guard, packing boxes and an order to exit your workplace within the hour. But we know these things do happen. Not my company, you think. But maybe, in your company, you are getting the impression that you should leave, for a variety of reasons.
In our latest blog post, Should I Stay or Should I Go?, Thunderbird author Rory Gilbert discussed reasons for staying, and leaving, a job or a workplace. Her focus was the decision-making process and what to consider. In this month’s Tips, we will address some of the practical issues once the staying or leaving has been decided.

Develop the stamina to stay. You have decided it is better to stay, even though the situation has some negatives. The positives are stronger. Many of the following ideas come from the blogs of Natasha Stanley at CareerShifters.org and Darcy Eikenberg at RedCapeRevolution.com.

Rather than changing your work or job, plan to change your life at work.

View this agreement with yourself to stay as a decision “for the time being”. You can revisit it at any time. Set and calendar a date to review your decision, perhaps six months out.
Identify the positive elements of your workplace or job and focus on them rather than the negative aspects. Write them down. Post them in front of you.
Increase the excitement and engagement of your work by asking your manager or leader for new opportunities.
Step up or volunteer to take the leadership on a situation you would like to see changed.
Find people outside your workplace that you can share your frustrations with.
Make sure that you take care of yourself. Get adequate sleep, eat well, exercise, plan for social support. And strive to keep your life stress free.

Decide to leave, believing that it’s time to move on. But before you go, there are many things you should consider. A great article from a Reddit post, cited in Rory’s blog, provides many useful suggestions. We have excerpted some of the more common ones here, and you can find a link to access the complete article in the references.

If it is your choice to go you should have a firm, written job offer in hand. Don’t leave without one. Know what you will do if your employer makes a counteroffer. How “good” would it have to be to make you change your decision? If you accept a counteroffer, make sure you have it in writing.
Copy performance reviews, certifications, other personal documents that you’ll want to keep (eg, awards, honors) as well as your salary and benefit information. Do not make copies of any work performed, without permission. This is considered the equivalent of stealing.
Don’t burn bridges. Maintain a professional demeanor throughout the process.
Do not share the fact of your leaving with coworkers and friends before informing your manager and Human Resources.

If your leaving is a result of a forced termination, such as a layoff or firing, take these actions to help yourself through the process. And remember to take care of yourself.

Apply for unemployment benefits as soon as possible. The process can take weeks. Address other financial matters such as continuing life insurance, health insurance, and managing employer-sponsored retirement accounts.
Be super-frugal about every bit of unnecessary spending. You don’t know how long your financial resources will last.
Remind yourself that you do have a job; your job is finding a new job, and you need to devote the time and intensity you would spend at work on this effort.

No matter if you stay or go, you will find yourself in the process of change, and change is hard, even when we’re in the driver’s seat. Be patient with yourself. You probably have friends, family members and colleagues who have been through a similar situation. They may have great advice for YOU, because they know you. Reach out to them.
If an employee assistance program is available use it for support. An EAP is a confidential resource. Seeking out a mentor or a coach is another useful option during this process. Using all the resources you can and accepting help is not a weakness; it is a sign that you are determined to get through the process in the very best way you can. Isn’t that the advice you would give a friend? Why not be that friend to yourself. Good luck!

References:
https://www.careershifters.org/expert-advice/how-to-survive-a-job-you-hate-but-cant-leave-yet, accessed online 8-23-19.
https://redcaperevolution.com/secrets-to-stay-or-leave-your-job/, accessed online 8-23-19.
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/6g146m/be_prepared_if_youre_resigning_or_quitting_have/, accessed online 8-23-19.

Tip of the Month, August 2019 – Take it Apart to Rebuild Something Better: Tips for Deconstruction

Jill Bachman, MSN on August 7, 2019

This year’s Summit theme, Reconstructing Leadership: Owning Our Power, really appeals to me. I enjoy the challenge of putting things together, solving puzzles and making sense of the world. As I read through the description, beginning with deconstruction, I find myself wondering why the organizers used the term deconstruction instead of destruction. So I dug a little deeper.
Destruction has no hope associated with it, other than the hope of a clean slate. Consider the purchase of a run-down property for the value of its location instead of the old house sitting on it. You could scrape the parcel for some future use, and it could be positive or negative for you. In the Summit’s context, deconstruction has a purposeful, forward-thinking and positive intent associated with it. It is the intentional dissection of elements from the past, to challenge beliefs that no longer work for us and to see what has been good and useful and must be brought forward. . .
In the deconstruction part of the Summit we will look at beliefs we have held to be true in the past and courageously question them. We will challenge ideas we have held on to or clung to or fiercely protected by boldly testing them against our own integrity. We will seek to accept the wisdom of prior ages, and not throw out the baby with the bathwater.
In the following scenarios, let’s see how we can use deconstruction to help arrive at a place of growth instead of accepting the status quo.
Scenario 1:
In this example, let’s apply the tool of ‘the five whys’. Use ‘why’ questions until an answer appears. . . and remember, the number may not always be five.
I am not going to apply for that job because I’m not really manager material.
Why do you think you are not manager material?
I don’t like supervising and disciplining people.
Why don’t you like that?
I can’t give feedback effectively.
Why can’t you give feedback effectively?
I get nervous when someone starts to cry or worse yet, when they start to challenge me.
Why do those situations make you nervous?
I don’t know how to respond.
Why don’t you know how to respond?
I guess I’ve never planned for how to handle those situations. . . maybe I could figure out responses in advance, just in case.
Aha! Actionable development idea.
Scenario 2:
In this scenario, we will use some ideas from the Johari Window. The Johari Window helps to organize personal characteristics into four quadrants; the open window (information known to everyone), the blind spot (known to others, not oneself), the hidden area (known to oneself but not others), and the dark (information known to no one). Using the Johari Window positively seeks to increase the amount of information in the open window, more known to oneself and others. This can apply in many situations, especially when you are trying to increase openness and transparency.
My staff aren’t responding to me because they need a leader who is charismatic and visionary, like my colleague Mark. I’m not that guy.
Here are some possible responses you could make:

So you hold the belief that an effective leader is charismatic and visionary. Just how true is that? (Hidden area)
Is it possible that you are using that idea to avoid dealing with ‘real’ manager issues you may have? (Dark spot)
What leadership skills do you think you have? (Open window)
What do others say about your leadership skills? Are they the same as your list, or different? (Blind spot)
What have you done to get a response that you wanted? (Open window and blind spot)
What does a coach, your manager, or a trusted colleague, like Mark, tell you about the effectiveness of your approach? (Blind spot)
What can you learn here? Are there things you can stop doing, and things to start doing?

Scenario 3:
In this situation, we apply the ideas from the Summit deconstruction description – courageously questioning beliefs, challenging ideas, holding on to elements of wisdom from the past.
There’s so much happening in my civic club right now. It is not the right time for me to step up as a leader amidst all the chaos.

Do you believe there needs to be a ‘right time’? Is there ever a right time? (Challenging a belief)
Are you committed to the organization, really committed? (This takes courage to ask yourself, and to face if you discover that you are not fully committed.)
Would you rather be a member of the organization during this trying time, or a leader trying to help the organization get stable? (This question is designed to seek a match with your integrity.)
Chaos may be your view of things. . . how do others see this? Perhaps this could be a ‘shake up and growth’ opportunity? (Another challenge to one way of looking at things.)
What can you bring as a leader to this situation? What help would you need? (Using wisdom from prior leadership experiences.)

Stepping into a leadership role of any nature can be daunting for all of us at one time or another. Automatically saying ‘no’ to an invitation can be very limiting. . . We miss the possibility of really making a difference in something we care about. We miss the potential of growth and the development of skills we never knew we could master, learning things that worked, and things that didn’t. We miss opportunities to use our talents. Saying ‘yes’ may have a price, but it is almost always worth it if the ‘yes’ is a thoughtful and considered one.
We hope you will say YES to joining us at this year’s Summit, a day where we explore how we deconstruct the messages that limit us and embrace new ways of being and doing, reconstructing leadership. We look forward to meeting you on November 15 in Phoenix!
Click here to register for this year’s Summit.
References:
Five Whys. https://leansixsigmabelgium.com/blog/5-whys-lean-root-cause-analysis/ Accessed via web on 7/27/19.
Johari Window. https://www.storyboardthat.com/articles/b/johari-window Accessed via web on 7/27/19.

A “Professional” Beach Read: Dare to Lead

Jill Bachman, MSN on June 18, 2019

What a treat it is to read a book about leadership and discover its robustness for areas of my life beyond work! It is also a challenge to write about a book in which I have highlighted nearly half the passages. Reader beware. You will want to own it too.This is one book I can definitely recommend for anyone’s bookshelf. . . Leaders alike, all ages, all roles, and people without traditional work or leader titles who are looking to be more effective human beings. Mental health’s David meets organization’s Goliath.
Brené Brown’s book^[1], Dare to Lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole Hearts., has been referred by several of my Thunderbird colleagues. I read it quickly in a few days, and devoured it again while on a camping trip with time for deep reading while the guys went fishing. This is a most accessible book. I felt like Brené was sitting across my picnic table with a cold glass of sweet tea. She writes a lot like she talks, she tells us, and her voice comes through loud and clear, wholesome and funny, gutsy and to the point.
Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, is a research professor at the University of Houston. She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy and has written five New York Times best sellers. Her TED talk – the Power of Vulnerability- is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world. One of the things that most impressed me about the book is her consistent integration of on-the-ground stories and feedback from participants and interviewees with her years of research, looking for explanation and confirmation (or not) in the data and published literature. This book has a lot to offer, and it’s not “just” anecdotal evidence.
The examples throughout are powerful. Brené skillfully weaves stories from her life; personal, marital, family, her own businesses and detailed testimonials from clients and participants. One story that captured me was Colonel DeDe Halfhill’s powerful writing about being vulnerable as a leader in the Air Force. At a presentation’s Q&A segment, DeDe listened to airmen tell her how tired they were, asking if they’d ever get a break. She acknowledged their tiredness and then shared an article she read addressing the topic of loneliness disguised as tiredness. Without knowing where the conversation would lead, she asked how many in her audience were lonely. DeDe was shocked at the number of raised hands, approximately one-quarter. She wasn’t sure where to take the conversation, but using tools she had learned from Brené’s work with her team, she pressed on, and then brought the issue forward to other leaders. Today DeDe takes every opportunity she can to speak about loneliness and suicide, a crisis topic for our military.
Early on, Brené shares a powerful quote attributed to Theodore Roosevelt.^[2]
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.
She refers many times throughout about the necessary steps of practicing, trying, falling, getting up and trying again, and learning. The notion that we can develop these skills by reading a book or attending a class is totally unfounded. . . hogwash. It takes PRACTICE! Dare to Lead is packed with tools everywhere and through links on her website. She has divided the book into four main sections which she describes as skill sets that can be mastered. The skills are vulnerability, living into our values, braving trust and learning to rise.
Part One, Rumbling with Vulnerability, occupies the most development. In this section Brené lays the foundation that fear is the greatest obstacle we face in daring leadership, but it is our RESPONSE to fear, not fear itself, that determines how well we will do.
She identifies six myths about vulnerability, and counters each one with strategies to overcome them. Myth #1: Vulnerability is weakness; Myth #2: I don’t do vulnerability; Myth #3: I can go it alone; Myth #4: You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability; Myth #5: Trust comes before vulnerability; Myth #6: Vulnerability is disclosure. Personally, I resonated most with engineering the uncertainty and discomfort out. . . I love to plan in order to not have my inadequacies exposed, don’t you? She helped me see that the obsessive planning really only takes away the potential for joy in my life. In dealing with trust, she makes the case that trust is earned in the smallest of moments, not big earth-shattering events.
Brené develops 16 areas of “armored” leadership with the “daring” leadership response to each one. She touches on perfectionism, being right versus getting it right, power over rather than power with, to and within, weaponizing fear and uncertainty instead of acknowledging and normalizing them, to name just a few.
Part One concludes with useful material on empathy, sympathy, shame and guilt, and how shame shows up at work, easily institutionalized into unhealthy and unproductive workplaces. Empathy is the great antidote to shame and can be parsed into learnable skills. Again, it takes practice.
Part Two: Living into Our Values, was a thought-provoking and challenging section. Brené links all our decision-making to its congruence with our values, and dares the reader to limit yourself to two values only that express the essence of who you are. She offers a huge list to draw from, and then describes a process to guide the practice of these values. What does simplicity look like? How do I know when I am not living up to a particular value? How can I get back on track? Included in this section is a nice discussion of giving and receiving feedback, how to know that you are really ready for a tough conversation, and how to be present.
Part Three: Braving Trust is a gem of a section! I really appreciate work that helps to operationalize a big important concept like trust. She shares a trust inventory that allows you to measure your individual level of trustworthiness based on seven behaviors. The elements make up the acronym BRAVING: boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault (sharing your information, not that of others), integrity, non-jugdement, and generosity. One idea that stood out for me in the area of non-judgement was this one. We don’t ask for help for many reasons, but that can be a real obstacle for us and our development as leaders. Here’s a quote.^[3]
We asked a thousand leaders—what do your team members do that earns your trust? The most common answer: asking for help. When it comes to people who do not habitually ask for help, the leaders we polled explained that they would not delegate important work to them because the leaders did not trust that they would raise their hands and ask for help. Mind. Blown.
Part Four: Learning to Rise contains obvious ideas that never seem to be put into practice! In order to help people be brave and courageous at work, to try new things, to risk falling, to withstand the inevitable slings and arrows, we need to prepare them. . . for falling, AND for getting back up. Brené points out that many organizations talk about falling and the acceptance of failure, but they ignore implementing supportive actions that help people want to try again.
One “rising” skill she suggests for starters is this. When things don’t go right and are pretty messed up, step back and ask yourself a version of these three questions: “The story I’m telling myself. . . The story I make up. . . I make up that. . .” Is your answer “I am a failure” or “He has never wanted this department to succeed” or “This is the first step they are taking to lay me off” or fill in your own blank here. Acknowledge that this is a story you are telling yourself, get curious about and seek the real answer/s to the situation, and move forward.
I hope my appreciation of Dare to Lead, and the cookie crumbs I have dropped along the way entice you to flip open this book and see what leaps out for you. Dare to Lead is a book I plan to pull off the shelf and enjoy for a long time. Thank you, Brené Brown!
For more about the author, books, articles and resources visit her website at www.brenebrown.com
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^[1] Brown, B. 2018. Dare to lead: brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House. New York.
^[2] Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead (p. xvii). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
^[3]Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead (p. 228). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Passing the Torch

Jill Bachman, MSN on May 28, 2019

As I write this it is May and there are congratulatory cards sitting, ready to mail, on my desk. I have a niece, a nephew-in-law, a grandson “step-in” and a friend’s granddaughter all poised to celebrate a graduation. I can imagine the strains of Pomp and Circumstance, packed auditoriums and phones at the video ready. Ah, transitions!
We have many kinds of transitions in life, some intended to happen just once, like marriage or high school graduation or a first job. And there are many transitions in our work lives; a new job, a new role, a reduction in hours, a job-related location move, a layoff, a firing, retirement. If we care about the work we do or the organizations we work for, it is likely that we also care about what happens with the work we did at the time we say goodbye to it. Will it live on somehow? What is our legacy?
Career handoff is the process of intentionally sharing the wisdom, “transferring the knowledge” described by Malloch and Porter-O’Grady ^[1] of one’s career with the next person in a role, in order to preserve what was learned, and continue the momentum of achievements from the past. Though they apply the notion of this handoff to a career’s worth of information, it works in many other situations as well . . . short-term jobs, role changes, new assignments, even layoffs.
So what is the difference between the intentional sharing of wisdom and the way things often occur in organizations today? There may be an overall lack of succession planning, or no awareness of what there is to be transferred. Sometimes there is limited time or processes provided for the transfer to happen. Perhaps there’s a lack of recognition that this sharing may be as important for a retiring employee as a retirement party and a memento. Maybe the organization doesn’t recognize the issues the new person may face as they try to figure out things on their own, without the information and support of the leaving person. Whatever the organizational reasons, there are things that individuals can do to make for smooth transitions.
Commitment to a profession
If you are a member of a practicing profession such as nursing, teaching, legal, or social work for example, there may be an imperative to advance the profession by making sure that important lessons learned in one’s career are preserved as the next layer of professional practice expectations develop.
Are you the one passing the torch?
The leaving person needs to reflect on the question, “What knowledge and wisdom do I have that is important to pass on?” It is probably easier to identify what is unnecessary to pass on, like negative past history, how functional structures work, or how to do something (because the new person will find their own way). What is shared also depends on the type of transition. If it is a short-term experience, or a change within the organization, less needs to be passed on. In these situations, a handoff tool/checklist can be really useful. Perhaps the organization uses one. If not, you could develop it. Useful checklists often include important people to know, process details, technology information, current expected and recent past results. ^[2]
In the case of retirement from a career, a focus on the big picture with some of these broader questions can also be useful.

What did I learn about myself in the roles I occupied?
How has the role I occupied changed, and how will it be different for the new person? What changes have I witnessed during the time I have worked?
How do I evaluate them . . . are they helpful or not to what we are trying to achieve? What have I accomplished?
What do I think is critical to continue working on?
What is the most important piece of advice I can offer?
What would I do differently if I could do it over?

If the torch is being passed to you
If you have the opportunity to have face to face discussion with the incumbent, lucky you! Take advantage of all the time available for this knowledge transfer. The person who is leaving will likely have much to share about the job demands and the role, even though it could change once you are in it. There can be valuable knowledge to gain if the person leaving is willing to share and sincerely wants to leave a legacy by helping you. Remember, too, that what is being shared is information from one person’s point of view, and that you are expected to shape things from your perspective.
Beyond information from the incumbent and the guidance of a manager, what kind of ongoing support could be useful to you? Do you have the luxury of being able to shadow your predecessor for a time in the role? Can you ask for that? Maybe you are in an organization that offers succession development programs. For many, this is an ideal time to find a coach or a mentor.
What if there’s no one to pass the torch to?
If you are leaving a role or organization quickly without a named replacement, or if the role you occupied has been discontinued or morphed into something you don’t recognize, then the personal touch and transition is not possible. In these situations, record your thoughts . . . make a video, write them down in a journal, keep them somehow for posterity. . . you never know how useful they could be to you in the future. Leave them with the organization if the separation has been a positive one. And if you are someone with a long career, consider publishing your ideas in a professional publication.
How to let go
When leaving a satisfying role or career, much will depend on how you have prepared for this moment. There is no doubt that even in the very best of circumstances, this can be an emotional time. Whether you are leaving a shorter term position, been laid off or fired, or are retiring, you will have questions about the next phase of your life. If you need to work and are not clear about what to do next, anxiety is normal. If you are retiring, the awareness that there is less time in your life to make an impact cannot be denied.
In any case, do you have a vision for your time after leaving? Making the shift to a new role in retirement is much easier if you have a vision for what you have always wanted to do when you weren’t concerned about earning money. Spend time imagining how your days will feel, and if there are benefits of your working life that you want to continue. Keep important personal connections, yet separate yourself from the inevitable organizational politics. Offering your time as a mentor is one way to keep your finger on the pulse of the work you valued, which will help to develop others. Networking with other retirees outside of your work area, looking for volunteer roles with a purpose that ignites your passion help make the transition graceful.
And if your work life continues, maybe this is an opportunity to let go of the old by considering a new type of role, a new location, or a career change. Identify what you enjoyed about the job you are leaving and remind yourself that new beginnings, though anxiety-producing, provide many opportunities to learn and master new things. Explore the idea that you could let go of the way you used to do some things in the past . . . how you conducted a department meeting, or communicated with your direct reports for example. . . and try a different approach. Even though you are no longer in an old role that you may have loved, the positive experiences you had are something that no one can take away. And as in retirement, it is important to nurture the meaningful personal connections of your past. Avoiding a focus on old organizational politics will help you let go.
And finally, a last recommendation. In any situation of job or career transition, be it positive or negative for you, resist the temptation to define yourself by the label of the old role. You are more complex than the work you did. There is much more to your life than a job, an organization or a career. Though a career can infuse large parts of your life with focus and meaning, your career is not you. It is one part of your total life experience.
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^[1] Malloch, K. And Porter O’Grady, T (eds). (2016). The career handoff: a healthcare leader’s guide to knowledge and wisdom transfer across generations. Sigma Theta Tau International. Malloch and Porter O’Grady’s book contains the writings of a variety of leaders in healthcare who address the need and processes for successful handoffs. The Career Handoff helps leaders “proactively preserve and pass on their valuable wisdom and knowledge to new generations. With an approach that emphasizes mentoring and sustainability of expertise, . . . book aims to facilitation smooth transitions and (the) continued viability. . .” Book back cover
^[2] https://usaidlearninglab.org/sites/default/files/resource/files/Shell_KM_Job%20Handover%20Checklist.pdf (accessed via web 5/13/19)

Tip of the Month, May 2019 – Engagement Tips for the Individual

Jill Bachman, MSN on May 8, 2019

In our latest blog titled Engagement Survey, Oh My! read here, Rory (1) challenged the practice of ineffective annual engagement surveys (they are really disengagement surveys, often going nowhere) in favor of flexible and ongoing processes for creating an engaged workforce. Managers need to be really connected and involved with their people all the time in order to make the engaging workplace come alive. Since employee engagement from the organization’s perspective was addressed in the blog, let’s take a look at what fuels engagement from the individual’s perspective. Though these tips are written with the employee in mind, they apply equally to managers/leaders as employees themselves.
How do you show up daily as an engaged and engaging manager? Here are a few tips to consider.

Take employees’ ideas seriously, having a conversation and giving feedback. It is not enough to simply listen and be a conduit. Or worse still, offer all the reasons their idea won’t work. If a staff member brings a suggestion to you, such as having an onsite daycare center, rather than pass it along channels, spend the time to find out more. How do they envision it working? What ideas do they have about location? How many staff members would use it? Are there other ways to provide a daycare benefit without a dedicated space and staff? This time spent in conversation with thoughtful questions shows your relationship with the employee; you have the perspective about some of the questions that need to be addressed in order for their idea to have a greater chance of success. And you are offering yourself as a thought partner, which is empowering.
Ask employees about their goals, daily goals as well as longer term ones. “What are you hoping to accomplish today?” Having a goal for your time is one way for the individual to be more engaged at work. Model the way by having a plan for what you want to accomplish, and share those goals of yours. Help staff see the value of contingency planning for when your plans go awry, as they often do. What happens if you can’t get the new proposal finished today? Can you send just part of it? Does something else need to be taken off your task list?
Collect stories about meaning and contribution at work to share with others, and ask your staff how they know they have made a difference in their work today. Or how would they like to make a difference? Share your personal stories to get the conversation started, but make the conversation about them. Find out what gives them a sense of value and purpose in the work they do with you. Then ask if there is something you can do to further their experience of meaning and purpose at work.
Have regular conversations about their strengths, noting them when possible, and suggesting ways for them to apply and BUILD ON those strengths. Gallup research tells us that an important employee satisfier is the regular opportunity to use one’s strengths at work. Perhaps a staff member is naturally skilled in diffusing difficult customer situations . . . You could suggest they share their tips with newer staff members, and/or offer them the opportunity to to take a class on de-escalation techniques and bring back the information to share at a department meeting. If you have an employee who has a background in visual arts, and has won awards in local contests, you might invite them to submit (or take) photos for your department’s report, newsletter, or wall art.
Surround yourself with engaged people at work and in your personal life, understanding that positive attitudes can rub off, creating an atmosphere of more positivity. Listen for their examples. Nothing succeeds like success, the old adage tells us. And having an environment where you interact with engaged people regularly can help spark your own enthusiasm for whatever you are doing.
Understand the reality of what you can control. Nothing is more disengaging than viewing the “whole world’s problems” and being disheartened or discouraged about a lack of progress. Engaged people have the ability to reframe situations they have control over, even though it may be limited, and finding the lens that focuses on what they CAN influence.

We hope you find these tips useful, and that you are privileged to work every day with employees who say, “I want to work in this organization, for you!”
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References:

Rory Gilbert is a Thunderbird Leadership consultant who is the primary author of TLC’s blog, and contributor, collaborator and partner in Blog and Tips posts.
https://www.hr.com/portals/hrcom/events ShanklandHandout_Gallup%20Q12%20summary%20-%20what%20is%20engagement.pdf (accessed via web 5/2/19)
https://blessingwhite.com/4-steps-to-improve-your/ (accessed via web 4/29/19)
https://brain-smart.com/change-and-resilience/increase-personal-engagement-work/ (accessed via web 4/29/19)

Tip of the Month, April 2019 – Coming Unglued in a Good Way

Jill Bachman, MSN on April 7, 2019

Rory Gilbert addressed a common and frustrating problem in last month’s blog, Getting Unstuck (read here.) I’ve had lots of stuck moments in my personal life and in helping others with their moments. Whatever the situation, staying stuck is unpleasant at the least, and unproductive/unhealthy at its most. We can be stuck short term and long term, from a couple of weeks to years. What are your stuck examples?
Rory outlined a starting point and 4 strategies in her suggestions, and in this Tip of the Month, we will see how these points apply to two situations.
Start by acknowledging that you are stuck. Then

Step back and reflect.
Ask challenging questions.
Separate fact from fiction.
Enlist a thinking partner.

Michelle
Michelle had a long-standing job as a middle manager, and she felt she enjoyed good relationships with the people she supervised, her boss, Diana, and her peers. Diana was direct and clear, to the point. There were no doubts about what was needed, but Michelle was also free to do things her way. She was secure in her role, and imagined retiring from this position in another ten years. Nine months ago she had a change in bosses, and her new boss John doesn’t give her much direction at all. . . he’s pleasant enough to work with, but his management style is all over the place. John is a talker, and Michelle finds herself having to use a lot of energy to interpret what John is saying, and listen for the tiniest bit of direction. Because Michelle was so happy with her job before John came on board, she has decided to just do her own thing and ignore John. Consequently Michelle is less and less engaged in the business, basically just biding her time. You are Michelle’s friend at work in another department and it distresses you to see her so disengaged. You guess her direct reports are seeing it too.
Acknowledge that you are stuck. In talking with Michelle, the topic of John comes up easily. Michelle readily admits that she feels stuck. Just the relief of admitting that to you turned out to be a trigger for taking the next step.
Step back and reflect. You ask Michelle to reflect on the situation. Looking at things objectively, what does she think is going on? Is Michelle struggling with change, or style differences? Is this new for her? Has she ever felt stuck in a personal or business situation before? How uncomfortable is the situation for her?
Ask challenging questions. As you continue with your friend, you ask if it is possible that John’s differences have upset Michelle’s plan to take it easy until retirement? How long is Michelle willing to stay stuck? How much is she willing to do to change the situation? How would she know when it might be time to leave the position, before her retirement? Ask Michelle what she thinks she is contributing to keeping the situation going. Has she asked for clarification from John? Does John really understand how Michelle likes to receive direction? How about setting aside time with John for just socializing? What does Michelle think her employees are seeing in her lack of engagement? How does she think it is affecting them?
Separate fact from fiction. What does Michelle tell herself about a boss who is “just a talker”? Does John need to be exactly like her in order to do a good job? Can Michelle accept direction from a person with a style she finds difficult to connect with, or to respect? Is it really possible to “take it easy” until retirement in 10 years? That’s a long time. What could happen in that period to change things?
Enlist a thinking partner. Ask Michelle what she wants from you as a friend and colleague. Consider suggesting that she find a coach or a mentor to listen objectively and help her through this phase. Does she know anyone else outside of work who has faced a similar situation?
Imagine yourself in this situation.
You are worried about your weight. At a recent doctor’s appointment, you were warned about the likelihood of developing Type 2 Diabetes, and you are already taking medication to lower your blood pressure. You saw the word OBESE written on your encounter summary. What a blow! You have struggled with your weight for years, and tried every diet and program that showed promise, but just when you begin to lose a little weight, you let your guard down and slip off the path.
Acknowledge that you are stuck. That word on the chart did it for you, as well as the diabetes scare. When you came home from the appointment, your first call was to a good friend, who knows your weight loss journey. He has weight issues of his own. You tell him that you really are committed this time. You need help.
Step back and reflect. What do you think is going on? Why are you wanting to take steps now to lose weight? Besides your health, how is your weight affecting your relationships and quality of life? Why have your prior attempts not worked long term even when you were losing weight? Were you bored, tired of the regimen, anxious about whether you could really do it?
Ask challenging questions. What are you doing to keep the situation from improving? What is your weight a symbol of? How bad do things have to get before you take permanent action? What is your vision for your life at the weight you want to be?
Separate fact from fiction. You think losing the amount of weight you need to lose is too hard. There’s just too much. . . The number is so big. The reality is that it will take awhile, but it is a one-day-at-a-time experience. And you are capable of losing weight. You have done it before. You decide that you need a plan to keep the weight off, not simply to lose it. You admit that you feel like a failure at this and maybe deep down you wonder if you deserve to be happy. In discussion with your friend, you figure out that you are not your weight. . . nor an ideal body image either. You are much more than what you look like, or even, what you do for a living.
Enlist a thinking partner. Sharing weight loss stories and plans with your friend hasn’t been very helpful. For support and ideas, you decide to join a group at work who is helping each other with healthy lifestyle choices. You also decide that seeing a therapist could be a good idea, and you start the process of finding someone to work with.
Admitting that you are stuck is the important first step on a journey to create momentum and change a situation that seems to be going nowhere. Being stuck can be a sign that says it’s time to take action, IF we pay attention, and follow through with reflection, great hard questions, separating fact from fiction, and having the support of a thought partner. Thunderbird Leadership Consulting offers executive and leadership coaching, and is available to assist you with situations in which you, or your workplace, feels “stuck”. For more information, contact us at info@thunderbirdleadership.com.