Talent Management – Thunderbird Leadership Consulting

Your Team May Need a “Reset”: Recognizing the Need for Change

Nathan Bachofsky on November 16, 2023

By Nathan Bachofsky, M.Ed.

In the ever-evolving landscape of business and project management, it’s crucial for teams to adapt and grow continuously. Sometimes, however, even the most cohesive and high-performing teams can hit a roadblock or face challenges that necessitate a “reset.” A team reset is not about starting from scratch but rather about recalibrating and revitalizing the team’s dynamics, goals, and strategies. In this blog post, we’ll explore some common signs that indicate your team may be in need of a reset.

New Team Members or Team Growth

Sign: An influx of new team members or significant team growth.

Reason: Team dynamics can shift dramatically when new members join the group. Established routines and communication patterns may no longer be effective. Integrating new team members seamlessly can be challenging, and it may be necessary to reset team expectations, roles, and goals to ensure everyone is on the same page.

Our Tbird Approach: Our experienced, certified facilitators create teaming workshops to clarify roles, image, expectations, responsibilities, and more. Participants learns about their personal and colleague’s DiSC work styles and how to use it to improve communication and understanding.

New Challenges on the Horizon

Sign: The team faces new, complex challenges or tasks.

Reason: As your organization grows, it’s likely to encounter more intricate problems that require fresh perspectives and strategies. If your team’s existing methods aren’t effective for tackling these challenges, a reset can help you brainstorm innovative solutions.

Our Tbird Approach: Our facilitators are artists at crafting action-planning workshops that not only tap into the collective wisdom of the entire group, but also support the organization in its implementation.

The Need for Innovation

Sign: Stagnation in creative output or lack of innovative ideas.

Reason: Teams can become complacent, relying on tried-and-true methods that may no longer be effective. If you’re not seeing the creative spark or innovative solutions you once did, it’s time for a reset to reignite that passion for innovation.

Our Tbird Approach: An Innovation Summit made be just the initiative to bring the greater community together to collaborate on new possibilities. Our Creativity Workshop series may also jump start your organization’s creativity to think of new and innovative ways to address needs and challenges.

Strengthening Team Dynamics

Sign: Erosion of trust, increased conflict, or reduced collaboration among team members.

Reason: Over time, team dynamics can deteriorate due to miscommunication, differing priorities, or unresolved conflicts. A reset can help rebuild trust and foster healthier relationships among team members.

Our Tbird Approach: Our teaming workshops and team retreats can help members to practice team-building activities, open communication where team members can voice concerns and find common ground. Mediation services can also be provided to help manage conflicts.

Decline in Motivation and Productivity

Sign: A noticeable drop in team motivation and productivity levels.

Reason: When team members lose sight of their purpose or become disengaged, it can have a detrimental effect on productivity. A reset can reignite enthusiasm by revisiting the team’s mission, setting achievable goals, and offering support and recognition.

Our Tbird Approach: Organizational assessments help to identify successes and opportunities for growth. They include 1:1 interviews with leadership, focus groups, and staff surveys.

Employee Burnout and High Turnover Rates

Sign: Increased instances of employee burnout or high turnover rates.

Reason: When team members are consistently overwhelmed or disengaged, it can lead to burnout and attrition. A reset can help identify and address the root causes of these issues.

Our Tbird Approach: In addition to all of the mentioned above, a Reflect, Rejuvenate & Thrive workshop can help your team focus on their own

Recognizing the signs that your team may need a “reset” is the first step towards achieving greater efficiency, collaboration, and innovation. Teams that are willing to adapt and evolve in response to changing circumstances are more likely to achieve long-term success. Embrace the opportunity to reset your team’s dynamics and strategies, and watch as it grows stronger and more resilient in the face of challenges. Remember, a reset is not a setback; it’s a chance for your team to thrive in the ever-changing world of business.

Sponsorship: A New Imperative For Leaders

Kevin Monaco on November 16, 2021

by Dorothy Sisneros and Kevin Monaco

Impact of the sponsorship

Dorothy Sisneros

Have you ever been a sponsor or mentor? Or have you been sponsored or mentored? Chances are that at this point in your leadership journey, you have experienced one or all of the development opportunities offered by your organization or have hired external coaches to assist with your goals. In this blog, Kevin and I will explore the nuances and role of mentorship and sponsorship support and how you can become a protégé or sponsor a protégé regardless of your current role in an organization. The path to advancement for women and minorities usually includes being sponsored. Therefore, organizations should consider adding sponsorship to their talent management and succession planning programs.

I have had many amazing sponsors and the odd part is that until the last six months, I didn’t have an official term for what I had benefited from along my journey. I had mentors and coaches help me hone my skills and figure out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be professionally. In reading several articles, I became aware of sponsorship and realized that my life has been shaped by the fact that several of my sponsors considered me a protégé and that my talents and abilities had been shared with an audience who were receptive to the amplification, boosting, connecting, and defending (Chow, 2021) from my sponsors.

Teachers can be our first sponsors as they open doors, write letters of recommendation, and help guide us into careers they hope will be a match for us. My first sponsor was my high school English teacher and basketball coach. Mr. Richard A Martinez (RA) was an exceptional teacher and incredible coach. He decided that college was in my future and that attending on a basketball scholarship was possible. He connected with the new Women’s Athletic Director at the University of Arizona and my role as a protégé began. He told Dr. Mary Roby about my athletic abilities, my academic strength and shared his endorsement of me as a person.

RA was my first sponsor – he found an audience (Dr. Roby) and connected her to me by telling stories and creating a positive impression. He amplified my abilities by sharing my accomplishments, boosted my potential and readiness for the college basketball experience, and defended me by ensuring her that a small-town “star” would be fine at a large university. Thanks to RA, I attended the University of Arizona on a basketball scholarship and I didn’t let him down. RA was my brand manager and publicist in the days before YouTube, Instagram or TikTok. I share this story as an example of the importance of a sponsor in our lives. I have had several other amazing sponsors and I’m grateful for each of them—I have been a willing protégé.

So, what is the difference between a sponsor and mentor? A mentor is someone who can provide immediate support in the form of guidance, advice and is usually someone who has had similar experiences in the job or position within an organization. The relationship is between the mentor and the mentee. In sponsorship, there is a 3-way relationship between the sponsor, the protege and the audience (Diagram 1). Chow (2021) stresses that sponsorship opportunities for minorities and women need to be intentional. For me, a Latinx woman from a small community of fewer than 100 residents, my path to success was linked to one sponsor who intentionally helped me by using his social capital and persistence to open the door for me and then walking with me into a new world. I still am connected to RA Martinez – we text every day and I can always count on a positive message from him to start my day.

I have taken on the sponsorship role with zest and am intentionally sponsoring several individuals who I admire and respect. I am using my social capital, my connections, and my influence to open doors and walk them through to meet others who can benefit from their talents and potential. I’ve been called a connector and I am proud of that title.

As I reflect, I am grateful to my sponsors – Rosalie Vigil, Richard (RA) Martinez, Dr. Mary Roby, Dr. Amy Steinbinder, Linn Billingsley, Mary Briden, Dr. Marie Pepicello, Dr. Rufus Glasper, Mary Lou Bessette, Sandy Shroyer, April Myers, Dustin Fennell, Dr. Wendy Leebov, Dr. Jan Gehler and others—who saw something in me and connected me to opportunities and experiences that were beyond my dreams as a young adult growing up in a small town in Northern New Mexico.

Chow, Rosalind, Don’t Just Mentor Women and People of Color. Sponsor Them. Harvard Business Review, June 2021.

The Platform and the Protégé

Kevin Monaco

When I first entered the workforce as a high school teacher at a small private school, I had very little knowledge of how to elevate my professional status, and I certainly did not know how to reach my audience. I had many mentors that eagerly shared their passion and knowledge for teaching and I enjoyed a great deal of collaboration with my colleagues. But as I gathered experience and honed my skills in the field, I began to feel that I could contribute at a higher level, in a greater capacity. There was one problem. I had little idea of how to get there. My deepening desire to expand my path led me to ask the questions: How can I surround myself with successful people whom I admire? How can I nurture a desire in them to invest in my success?

I began by identifying people in my life who could serve as my sponsors. Over time, I devoted purposeful attention to these relationships and they burgeoned into formal sponsor/protégé roles. When I reflect on the ways in which sponsorship has changed my career trajectory, the single most important part of the process has been the ‘platform.’ The platform is the protégé’s stage. It is their time to showcase their skills in front of a crucial audience. When we are given a platform, we can be directly involved in the process. Our role is amplified.

The sponsor shares this powerful tool as a way to leverage connections and bring the protégé into the fold. It provides purpose and focus for the protégé’s skills, imparting opportunities to get involved, demonstrate one’s capabilities, and create vital networks along the way. It enables others to notice the unique value the protégé adds within the field or institution. This is why the role of the audience is so critical to this process. When we are elevated on a platform, we can be recognized for our achievements. We can garner experiential growth opportunities that are vital to our professional advancement. We can strengthen our current skills and we can be supported in acquiring new ones.

But there is an important reciprocation as well. It is true that the sponsor carries the connections and social capital, but an effective sponsor/protégé relationship enriches the professional lives of both. This is why the relationship continues. While being teachable and receptive are important qualities of the protégé, it is important to note that the protégé must also be a willing contributor to the conversation, ready to step up to the plate! This is the essential charge of the protégé. It may seem like a lot of pressure, but we must understand an essential facet of the relationship. The foundational cornerstone of sponsorship is that of mutual respect. It is an indispensable ingredient for the success and continued forward movement of the relationship. There must be deep personal and professional respect between individuals in these roles, and respect leads to trust.

On a personal level, it is this precise trust in my sponsors that continues to provide me with the encouragement I need to level up. In a society that largely suffers from imposter syndrome (and I am no exception), we all need assurance at times that we have champions and cheerleaders in our corner. When we trust that we are respected and supported by experienced individuals in our fields, we feel capable of tackling the next stage. The expertise of the sponsor and the potential of the protégé collide to create a mosaic of collaboration, excellence, and purpose. It is through this amplification process that we expand our view of what is within our grasp.

Tip of the Month, December 2019 – Reflections II – TIPS from this year’s Summit

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on December 17, 2019

Jill began to highlight the events at this year’s Summit in her last post. I thought I’d format the second part of our Summit reflection as TIPS. What did we learn, what can we take away?
I really appreciated the balance of evidence-based information as well as the exploration of personal renewal at this year’s Summit. Here are some highlights.

When dealing with multiple generations in the workplace, first and foremost, see your employees as individuals.

Dustin Fennell talked about managing multiple generations in the workplace and ultimately concluded that we are not that different after all. He emphasized a wise, long-standing leadership practice: see your employees as individuals, learn about them – what excites them, motivates them and affirms them, and use that information to support and encourage them. His personal strategy is to:

Value each employee’s perspectives, talents, experiences, ideas and uniqueness
Make caring visible through your presence, your appreciation and your acknowledgement of their feelings
Provide them with something to believe in – provide vision, purpose and their part in it
Know what makes each employee tick
Enable their success

I would also add that learning about general tendencies of different generations may help you understand why people approach things the way they do. When people behave contrary to our personal expectations and norms, it is easy to discount them as rude, uncaring, insensitive, unmotivated, unprofessional, etc. When we understand different cultures, generations, DiSC styles, personality types, etc. we gain insights that can help us override our own personal preferences and assumptions.
So, absolutely yes, to learning about and valuing our employee’s unique needs, drives and perspectives as Dustin recommended…and when you get lost in your own assumptions, you might want to research how someone might see things another way.

Confidence and self-assurance are critical to success. How they present may be gender linked. There are strategies to strengthen one’s confidence and self-assurance.

Mara Windsor presented on issues of confidence and gender and brought compelling research that suggests that women may not be as confident as men because of differences in genetics. Check out The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. Whether confidence is genetically or socially influenced (or both!), there are things we can do to strengthen our sense of confidence. Her suggestions include:

Know that you are not alone – find safe places to share your concerns about confidence.
Stop attributing your success to luck.
Take credit for your accomplishments.
Don’t get caught up in perfectionism (over-preparing, over-rehearsing)
Take action, take risks, fail fast and keep going!

We choose how we respond to situations and people’s actions.

Another theme emerged numerous times during the Summit recognizing that we have the ability to manage our emotions and reactions to things…nothing “makes us” angry. We interpret input and choose how we respond. This message came through in our “café conversations,” (brief small group opportunities exploring different themes about leadership) as well as in Noushin Bayat’s presentation about Leading from Within.
I trained as a therapist in a former career life and relate these concepts to cognitive-behavioral therapy. We receive input, interpret it (in a nanosecond) and then respond with feelings. Several of the groups in our café conversations wandered into that arena. Colleen Hallberg’s topic stands out as it stated it the most clearly, “It is only information.” Wow!
Think about meetings where things feel uncomfortable. Rather than getting lost in the emotion, what can we ask ourselves? What is happening here? What can I learn from this? I can step back and assess the data I am receiving. What is it telling me? When we recognize that we have a choice in our interpretation and response, we are empowered to take control of our role in the situation.
At a previous Summit, Noushin quoted Rumi, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” Those words continue to resonate in her presentation – finding space outside of right or wrong, win or lose to breathe, reflect and reconnect with what and who is important. As leaders, finding this space and time is essential to our effectiveness. Noushin’s gentle words belie a powerful way of being.

Use an Appreciative Leadership approach to respond effectively to complex work environments by identifying and building on what is working.

Kathy Malloch provided a preview to her recent work with partner, Tim Porter-O’Grady, on their new approach to leadership. (We are waiting for the book to come out.) Some key learnings from Kathy’s presentation include five core strategies of Appreciative Leadership. Consider how you could shift your mindset to be a more appreciative leader and how these approaches could change your organizational culture and results.

Inquiry rather than inquisition
Illumination (strength finding rather than fault finding)
Inclusion (intentional strategies rather than just an invitation to participate)
Inspiration (envisioning a greater future)
Integrity (setting personal boundaries)

Kathy asked a series of provocative questions that are beyond what we can list here.
We’ll continue to share what we learned in future posts. There was enough to help us plan our 2020 topics! So, count on us to revisit confidence, generations and appreciative leadership. We really appreciated all the inspiration we received from the day and are already looking forward to next year. Mark your calendars for Friday, November 13, 2020.
We also continue to appreciate the generosity of our participants who contributed over $2,500 in our Silent Auction. Proceeds will be split between the National Alliance to End Homelessness (https://endhomelessness.org) selected by the Summit planning team and the Yarnell Regional Community Center (https://yarnellcommunitycenter.org) selected by a drawing of organizations recommended by our participants.
And finally, I want to recognize the work of Carla Rotering and Kevin Monaco who provided an amazing time of meditation and reflection. Kevin shared his music with us (https://kevinmonacomusic.com), and I want to conclude our reflections and the year with words from a magnificent poem Carla shared with us during the meditation. At this time of year, may we all celebrate, reflect and appreciate our own gifts and the gifts of those around us.
From WINTER TREE
For my mother Rosemary
November 14, 1930 – November 14, 1965
Aruba, August 2002.
Carla J. Rotering, MD ©
Is there any way I’ll have enough time or enough courage or enough whatever I need enough of
To take the grace of the ordinary and recognize holiness?
To just come into agreement….
And allow one breath,
One single diastole
To solemnly be splendid?
To magnify the simplicity of my heart that moves and shifts everything into the world of sanctity?
If there is, I’m ready for it.
I’m ready to bring forth my heart, in its small, red roundness
To be pierced with utmost tenderness
And there stand open and revealed
Without the shield of my terrible fears to frighten away the gods.
To stand in the light of who I am
And to sit in the power of my own Presence
For one single moment
Even if everyone….or no one….ever notices.

Is it OK to Coast?

Jill Bachman, MSN on October 25, 2019

Fall has returned. In the breadbasket of the US midwest, it is the time after harvest, time to take a breath and celebrate, reflecting on the productivity of the prior season. . . a time for putting away and “putting up” (canning), an expression of my rural Grandmother’s. There is a similarity between fall and the modern concept of coasting. To me, there is seasonality to a project, a life, a career. Every season has a different focus and the coasting season is a time of slowing down.
A review of internet references highlights an interesting contradiction on coasting in the workplace. There is coasting as seen from the perspective of an individual, contrasted with the advice offered to managers about how to respond to the employee who is coasting. The first offers ways for someone to think about their career, workplace and job performance, even their lives. The other view of coasting is primarily negative, a problem to be addressed. In this blog, our focus will be on the former, and try to answer the question, is it okay to coast?
What does “coast” mean to you? Think about coasting as idling, being in the neutral gear. The engine is ready to take over when called for, and the driver is present. But we’re not really going anywhere. Another example is exercise, where coasting (resting) is a necessary part of strength training. In lifting weights we increasingly stress ourselves with more weight or more reps, then push and push some more until we can’t lift another once. Finally we rest, not just because we must, but because muscles need the time and access to nutrition for recovery.
I like the description by Lydia Smith (1) in her article “Why we should be coasting at work”. She suggests that coasting is “doing just the right amount of work to get by comfortably.” In this context, it is neither shirking one’s responsibilities, nor slacking.
Why should you coast? There is a common view that extremely busy people are very important and highly productive. But is that true? Is the so-called productivity accomplished by constant multitasking? We now have come to appreciate that effective multitasking has limited applications. . . yes when cleaning a counter and listening to an audiobook. No when simultaneously reviewing a board report, drafting an email and talking on the phone with your mother.
Often unseen is the toll of nonstop busyness on our health. We know that a constant flood of stress hormones is bad for us. The super busy person sacrifices relationships and sets a questionable example for the people around them. Nonstop busyness is unsustainable and often leads to burnout. Coasting can help us achieve some balance.
Coasting has two types.

The first type of coasting happens when something isn’t working. This coasting can feel like inertia, or trying to run through molasses. There is conflict to avoid, or perhaps you are feeling underutilized. Maybe you have overstayed your time in a role, or in a relationship. Are you uninspired? Coasting often shows up at work because people are trying to deal with personal problems or issues at home that take up lots of energy. This type of coasting needs intervention to help you get on a more fulfilling path.
The second type of coasting is when you make a conscious decision to lighten things up a bit. This coasting requires our awareness, perhaps a plan, to make sure that the lightening up does not become a habit that spirals into the first type.

When should we coast? When coasting is part of a conscious decision, not an accident or a habit, it is positive and healthy. Just as in exercise, coasting is necessary, not optional, after a period of hard work. The hard work could be the end of a project that your team has struggled mightily on. Maybe for you, it’s the completion of an educational degree or certificate; or for a nurse, finishing an orientation period and successfully “taking a full load of patients”. Perhaps you recently got married.
Coasting is also necessary at the organizational level. This is harder to implement because there are so many moving pieces. A few important things to consider are the stated and the realized culture, and the consistency of expectations across the company. Is it fine for one department to coast, but not OK for others? Does the leader verbalize an “OK to coast” philosophy in meetings, but demonstrate publicly that he is always available 24/7, miming the expectation that you be available all the time too?
What does “good” coasting look like? That depends on the situation.

It should be intentional and tailored so that the people who are coasting really feel a downshifting of their gears. . . it is definitely a breather, and not a brief token of one.
It is time limited. Coasting is not a way of being, it is a season or a vacation.
Whatever words are used to talk about it, the message needs to communicate that coasting is healthy and desirable. Think of coasting as preventive maintenance, allowing the individual, team or organization to downshift and regroup in order to keep the level of productivity where you want it to be.

For the team who has worked late days and long periods of overtime, coasting could be time off with a moratorium on work email and texts after 5 pm. It might be the agreement that no new projects will be considered for the next quarter, favoring instead an emphasis on troubleshooting and maintenance. For the newlyweds, it’s a honeymoon. For the new nurse, it could be a celebration with a friend and pampering with a pedicure.
When should you worry about coasting?
Is coasting your only gear? In this case, a lack of engagement may be masquerading as coasting. What is driving this coasting. . . a motivational problem, a poor fit with the job or organization, burnout, a lack of stimulation? Whatever the cause, reach out for some assistance. It could be from an employee assistance program, a therapist or coach or mentor, a frank conversation with a manager or a heart-to-heart talk with a trusted friend.
Do you never coast? There is a good likelihood that you will not survive in this mode for long, and your health, relationships and/or job/career will suffer. The suggestions above will be helpful in this case too.
So, is it OK to coast?
The short answer is yes, with a few caveats.
Healthy coasting is a form of self-care, a way to set limits on the pressures and demands that can reduce one’s effectiveness and enjoyment of life. Be aware that not every environment is the right environment for intentional coasting. If you need personal time off after a period of giving it your all, understand how the idea will be received by others around you. If your organization is not particularly supportive, keep your plans to yourself. But in all cases, remember that you are the only one who can take care of yourself. “Put your own mask on first.”
Next Time: In the Tips follow up to this post, we will dig deeper and also discuss the topic of managing employees who coast. Stay tuned.
________________________
References

Lydia Smith. https://finance.yahoo.com/news/why-we-should-be-coasting-at-work-060043512.html; accessed 10/14/19
https://www.theguardian.com/money/shortcuts/2018/nov/13/why-coasting-at-work-is-the-best-thing-for-your-career-health-and-happiness; accessed 10/5/19
https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/it-s-ok-go-ahead-and-coast.html; accessed 10/5/19

Celebrating Dr. Carla Rotering’s Health Care Heroes 2019 Lifetime Achievement Award

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on September 19, 2019

Please join me in celebrating Dr. Carla Rotering’s Health Care Heroes 2019 Lifetime Achievement Award bestowed by the Phoenix Business Journal. (Watch video here.) Dr. Rotering practices Pulmonary Medicine at Banner Thunderbird Medical Center and White Mountains Regional Medical Center. She has a long history of leadership and education positions including Director of Critical Care, Chair of Medicine and Chief of Staff.
At Thunderbird Leadership, we know Carla as a leader, mentor and coach who is deeply committed to people–to their growth, upliftment, resilience and purpose as they strive toward the best version of themselves in their professional and personal lives.
Her story is compelling and inspirational, but even more so, her way of being is a model of compassion, integrity and genuineness so it is no surprise that she has been recognized for lifetime achievement.
Carla’s story teaches us about opportunity and possibility. Her consulting company is named BoXcar International because she spent her first six years living in a boxcar on the prairie in North Dakota. In her achievement award comments, Carla explained how that experience informed her perspectives. First of all, she explained, she did not see anything unusual about living in a boxcar. It was just the way it was. Secondly, though, on reflection, she viewed the boxcar for a metaphor about repurposing. When the boxcar was no longer needed by the railroad, it served a new purpose for people in need.
That metaphor of repurposing appears to have carried through Carla’s life. She went from clerical roles to medical school in her 30s when she realized this was even a possibility, supporting and nurturing her children at the same time. She engaged full-heartedly in her practice only to discover, after many years of dedicated work, that she was physically and emotionally depleted, a condition experienced by many medical providers.
Carla found another opportunity to repurpose, getting a degree in Spiritual Psychology, training in Crucial Conversations and Emotional Intelligence and two coaching certifications. This study and work helped her regain her inner strength and gave her a new area of focus. While continuing her practice of pulmonary medicine, she founded BoXcar International, providing coaching and facilitation for people in the medical profession to help them take care of themselves so they can continue to care for others.
In the process of her work, she connected with kindred spirits, Amy Steinbinder and Dorothy Sisneros of Thunderbird Leadership. Together, they conceived a Leadership Summit that is unique in design and application, promoting a philosophy of self-care, mindfulness and reflection. Now, in its thirteenth year, the Summit continues to offer participants an opportunity to step back from the never ending demands of doing, to reorient themselves and listen to the deeper meaning of their work and their lives.
Carla’s influence on the Summit is profound. Her poetic language defines the event and her teachings, meditations, poems and presentations create a tone that helps us all hold ourselves and each other more gently, more kindly. Carla’s way of being and seeing emanates from her heart and touches us all.
Lifetime Achievement! Doctor, coach, facilitator, poet, presenter, educator, parent, friend, mentor and guide. All done with humility, compassion, intellect and wisdom.
Congratulations Carla! Once again, join me in celebrating her success and join us all at the thirteenth Leadership Summit on November 15^th, 2019 at the Phoenix Art Museum.
Register before October 1 to avoid late registration fees.
For more information click here.

A “Professional” Beach Read: Dare to Lead

Jill Bachman, MSN on June 18, 2019

What a treat it is to read a book about leadership and discover its robustness for areas of my life beyond work! It is also a challenge to write about a book in which I have highlighted nearly half the passages. Reader beware. You will want to own it too.This is one book I can definitely recommend for anyone’s bookshelf. . . Leaders alike, all ages, all roles, and people without traditional work or leader titles who are looking to be more effective human beings. Mental health’s David meets organization’s Goliath.
Brené Brown’s book^[1], Dare to Lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole Hearts., has been referred by several of my Thunderbird colleagues. I read it quickly in a few days, and devoured it again while on a camping trip with time for deep reading while the guys went fishing. This is a most accessible book. I felt like Brené was sitting across my picnic table with a cold glass of sweet tea. She writes a lot like she talks, she tells us, and her voice comes through loud and clear, wholesome and funny, gutsy and to the point.
Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, is a research professor at the University of Houston. She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy and has written five New York Times best sellers. Her TED talk – the Power of Vulnerability- is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world. One of the things that most impressed me about the book is her consistent integration of on-the-ground stories and feedback from participants and interviewees with her years of research, looking for explanation and confirmation (or not) in the data and published literature. This book has a lot to offer, and it’s not “just” anecdotal evidence.
The examples throughout are powerful. Brené skillfully weaves stories from her life; personal, marital, family, her own businesses and detailed testimonials from clients and participants. One story that captured me was Colonel DeDe Halfhill’s powerful writing about being vulnerable as a leader in the Air Force. At a presentation’s Q&A segment, DeDe listened to airmen tell her how tired they were, asking if they’d ever get a break. She acknowledged their tiredness and then shared an article she read addressing the topic of loneliness disguised as tiredness. Without knowing where the conversation would lead, she asked how many in her audience were lonely. DeDe was shocked at the number of raised hands, approximately one-quarter. She wasn’t sure where to take the conversation, but using tools she had learned from Brené’s work with her team, she pressed on, and then brought the issue forward to other leaders. Today DeDe takes every opportunity she can to speak about loneliness and suicide, a crisis topic for our military.
Early on, Brené shares a powerful quote attributed to Theodore Roosevelt.^[2]
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.
She refers many times throughout about the necessary steps of practicing, trying, falling, getting up and trying again, and learning. The notion that we can develop these skills by reading a book or attending a class is totally unfounded. . . hogwash. It takes PRACTICE! Dare to Lead is packed with tools everywhere and through links on her website. She has divided the book into four main sections which she describes as skill sets that can be mastered. The skills are vulnerability, living into our values, braving trust and learning to rise.
Part One, Rumbling with Vulnerability, occupies the most development. In this section Brené lays the foundation that fear is the greatest obstacle we face in daring leadership, but it is our RESPONSE to fear, not fear itself, that determines how well we will do.
She identifies six myths about vulnerability, and counters each one with strategies to overcome them. Myth #1: Vulnerability is weakness; Myth #2: I don’t do vulnerability; Myth #3: I can go it alone; Myth #4: You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability; Myth #5: Trust comes before vulnerability; Myth #6: Vulnerability is disclosure. Personally, I resonated most with engineering the uncertainty and discomfort out. . . I love to plan in order to not have my inadequacies exposed, don’t you? She helped me see that the obsessive planning really only takes away the potential for joy in my life. In dealing with trust, she makes the case that trust is earned in the smallest of moments, not big earth-shattering events.
Brené develops 16 areas of “armored” leadership with the “daring” leadership response to each one. She touches on perfectionism, being right versus getting it right, power over rather than power with, to and within, weaponizing fear and uncertainty instead of acknowledging and normalizing them, to name just a few.
Part One concludes with useful material on empathy, sympathy, shame and guilt, and how shame shows up at work, easily institutionalized into unhealthy and unproductive workplaces. Empathy is the great antidote to shame and can be parsed into learnable skills. Again, it takes practice.
Part Two: Living into Our Values, was a thought-provoking and challenging section. Brené links all our decision-making to its congruence with our values, and dares the reader to limit yourself to two values only that express the essence of who you are. She offers a huge list to draw from, and then describes a process to guide the practice of these values. What does simplicity look like? How do I know when I am not living up to a particular value? How can I get back on track? Included in this section is a nice discussion of giving and receiving feedback, how to know that you are really ready for a tough conversation, and how to be present.
Part Three: Braving Trust is a gem of a section! I really appreciate work that helps to operationalize a big important concept like trust. She shares a trust inventory that allows you to measure your individual level of trustworthiness based on seven behaviors. The elements make up the acronym BRAVING: boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault (sharing your information, not that of others), integrity, non-jugdement, and generosity. One idea that stood out for me in the area of non-judgement was this one. We don’t ask for help for many reasons, but that can be a real obstacle for us and our development as leaders. Here’s a quote.^[3]
We asked a thousand leaders—what do your team members do that earns your trust? The most common answer: asking for help. When it comes to people who do not habitually ask for help, the leaders we polled explained that they would not delegate important work to them because the leaders did not trust that they would raise their hands and ask for help. Mind. Blown.
Part Four: Learning to Rise contains obvious ideas that never seem to be put into practice! In order to help people be brave and courageous at work, to try new things, to risk falling, to withstand the inevitable slings and arrows, we need to prepare them. . . for falling, AND for getting back up. Brené points out that many organizations talk about falling and the acceptance of failure, but they ignore implementing supportive actions that help people want to try again.
One “rising” skill she suggests for starters is this. When things don’t go right and are pretty messed up, step back and ask yourself a version of these three questions: “The story I’m telling myself. . . The story I make up. . . I make up that. . .” Is your answer “I am a failure” or “He has never wanted this department to succeed” or “This is the first step they are taking to lay me off” or fill in your own blank here. Acknowledge that this is a story you are telling yourself, get curious about and seek the real answer/s to the situation, and move forward.
I hope my appreciation of Dare to Lead, and the cookie crumbs I have dropped along the way entice you to flip open this book and see what leaps out for you. Dare to Lead is a book I plan to pull off the shelf and enjoy for a long time. Thank you, Brené Brown!
For more about the author, books, articles and resources visit her website at www.brenebrown.com
_____________________________________
^[1] Brown, B. 2018. Dare to lead: brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House. New York.
^[2] Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead (p. xvii). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
^[3]Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead (p. 228). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Passing the Torch

Jill Bachman, MSN on May 28, 2019

As I write this it is May and there are congratulatory cards sitting, ready to mail, on my desk. I have a niece, a nephew-in-law, a grandson “step-in” and a friend’s granddaughter all poised to celebrate a graduation. I can imagine the strains of Pomp and Circumstance, packed auditoriums and phones at the video ready. Ah, transitions!
We have many kinds of transitions in life, some intended to happen just once, like marriage or high school graduation or a first job. And there are many transitions in our work lives; a new job, a new role, a reduction in hours, a job-related location move, a layoff, a firing, retirement. If we care about the work we do or the organizations we work for, it is likely that we also care about what happens with the work we did at the time we say goodbye to it. Will it live on somehow? What is our legacy?
Career handoff is the process of intentionally sharing the wisdom, “transferring the knowledge” described by Malloch and Porter-O’Grady ^[1] of one’s career with the next person in a role, in order to preserve what was learned, and continue the momentum of achievements from the past. Though they apply the notion of this handoff to a career’s worth of information, it works in many other situations as well . . . short-term jobs, role changes, new assignments, even layoffs.
So what is the difference between the intentional sharing of wisdom and the way things often occur in organizations today? There may be an overall lack of succession planning, or no awareness of what there is to be transferred. Sometimes there is limited time or processes provided for the transfer to happen. Perhaps there’s a lack of recognition that this sharing may be as important for a retiring employee as a retirement party and a memento. Maybe the organization doesn’t recognize the issues the new person may face as they try to figure out things on their own, without the information and support of the leaving person. Whatever the organizational reasons, there are things that individuals can do to make for smooth transitions.
Commitment to a profession
If you are a member of a practicing profession such as nursing, teaching, legal, or social work for example, there may be an imperative to advance the profession by making sure that important lessons learned in one’s career are preserved as the next layer of professional practice expectations develop.
Are you the one passing the torch?
The leaving person needs to reflect on the question, “What knowledge and wisdom do I have that is important to pass on?” It is probably easier to identify what is unnecessary to pass on, like negative past history, how functional structures work, or how to do something (because the new person will find their own way). What is shared also depends on the type of transition. If it is a short-term experience, or a change within the organization, less needs to be passed on. In these situations, a handoff tool/checklist can be really useful. Perhaps the organization uses one. If not, you could develop it. Useful checklists often include important people to know, process details, technology information, current expected and recent past results. ^[2]
In the case of retirement from a career, a focus on the big picture with some of these broader questions can also be useful.

What did I learn about myself in the roles I occupied?
How has the role I occupied changed, and how will it be different for the new person? What changes have I witnessed during the time I have worked?
How do I evaluate them . . . are they helpful or not to what we are trying to achieve? What have I accomplished?
What do I think is critical to continue working on?
What is the most important piece of advice I can offer?
What would I do differently if I could do it over?

If the torch is being passed to you
If you have the opportunity to have face to face discussion with the incumbent, lucky you! Take advantage of all the time available for this knowledge transfer. The person who is leaving will likely have much to share about the job demands and the role, even though it could change once you are in it. There can be valuable knowledge to gain if the person leaving is willing to share and sincerely wants to leave a legacy by helping you. Remember, too, that what is being shared is information from one person’s point of view, and that you are expected to shape things from your perspective.
Beyond information from the incumbent and the guidance of a manager, what kind of ongoing support could be useful to you? Do you have the luxury of being able to shadow your predecessor for a time in the role? Can you ask for that? Maybe you are in an organization that offers succession development programs. For many, this is an ideal time to find a coach or a mentor.
What if there’s no one to pass the torch to?
If you are leaving a role or organization quickly without a named replacement, or if the role you occupied has been discontinued or morphed into something you don’t recognize, then the personal touch and transition is not possible. In these situations, record your thoughts . . . make a video, write them down in a journal, keep them somehow for posterity. . . you never know how useful they could be to you in the future. Leave them with the organization if the separation has been a positive one. And if you are someone with a long career, consider publishing your ideas in a professional publication.
How to let go
When leaving a satisfying role or career, much will depend on how you have prepared for this moment. There is no doubt that even in the very best of circumstances, this can be an emotional time. Whether you are leaving a shorter term position, been laid off or fired, or are retiring, you will have questions about the next phase of your life. If you need to work and are not clear about what to do next, anxiety is normal. If you are retiring, the awareness that there is less time in your life to make an impact cannot be denied.
In any case, do you have a vision for your time after leaving? Making the shift to a new role in retirement is much easier if you have a vision for what you have always wanted to do when you weren’t concerned about earning money. Spend time imagining how your days will feel, and if there are benefits of your working life that you want to continue. Keep important personal connections, yet separate yourself from the inevitable organizational politics. Offering your time as a mentor is one way to keep your finger on the pulse of the work you valued, which will help to develop others. Networking with other retirees outside of your work area, looking for volunteer roles with a purpose that ignites your passion help make the transition graceful.
And if your work life continues, maybe this is an opportunity to let go of the old by considering a new type of role, a new location, or a career change. Identify what you enjoyed about the job you are leaving and remind yourself that new beginnings, though anxiety-producing, provide many opportunities to learn and master new things. Explore the idea that you could let go of the way you used to do some things in the past . . . how you conducted a department meeting, or communicated with your direct reports for example. . . and try a different approach. Even though you are no longer in an old role that you may have loved, the positive experiences you had are something that no one can take away. And as in retirement, it is important to nurture the meaningful personal connections of your past. Avoiding a focus on old organizational politics will help you let go.
And finally, a last recommendation. In any situation of job or career transition, be it positive or negative for you, resist the temptation to define yourself by the label of the old role. You are more complex than the work you did. There is much more to your life than a job, an organization or a career. Though a career can infuse large parts of your life with focus and meaning, your career is not you. It is one part of your total life experience.
_______________________________
^[1] Malloch, K. And Porter O’Grady, T (eds). (2016). The career handoff: a healthcare leader’s guide to knowledge and wisdom transfer across generations. Sigma Theta Tau International. Malloch and Porter O’Grady’s book contains the writings of a variety of leaders in healthcare who address the need and processes for successful handoffs. The Career Handoff helps leaders “proactively preserve and pass on their valuable wisdom and knowledge to new generations. With an approach that emphasizes mentoring and sustainability of expertise, . . . book aims to facilitation smooth transitions and (the) continued viability. . .” Book back cover
^[2] https://usaidlearninglab.org/sites/default/files/resource/files/Shell_KM_Job%20Handover%20Checklist.pdf (accessed via web 5/13/19)

Engagement Survey! Oh my!

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on April 17, 2019

Jill[1] and I were brainstorming about topics for this year’s blog posts. It helps to have a roadmap because the deadlines do catch up to us fast! We both agreed that we love the topic of employee engagement. Jill is passionate about the danger of the annual engagement survey. I get excited about the importance of ongoing and personal supervisor – employee communication to real engagement. And then we found two thought-provoking articles (see below) about engagement surveys and what to do instead.
So, let’s talk about employee engagement. Engagement is the intrinsic motivation that an employee feels – that what they are doing is important, valuable and valued. It is the internal driver that allows for discretionary energy expenditures, going above and beyond, being innovative, and caring about the outcome.
Engaged workforces demonstrate increased productivity and innovation and reduced risk. And engagement is imperative for customer service excellence…you can’t care about the customer if you don’t care about the organization, and you can’t care about the organization if you don’t feel cared about by the organization.
The challenge is to understand the attributes that go into creating an engaged and engaging work environment.[2] And then, in this critical age of accountability, our next challenge is how do we measure it?
We’ve all heard the phrase, “what gets measured, gets done.” Therefore, if we measure engagement, we should be creating an engaged workforce. In her article, “The 5 Stages of Employee Engagement Survey Results,” (2019)[3] Elizabeth Williams compares how companies respond to the annual engagement survey results with the five stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, sadness and acceptance. She does a wonderful job of describing how companies go through the process without ever really finding meaningful ways of creating an engaged workforce. Essentially, the results are discussed, made meaningless and shelved until the following year – except for the poor person or committee that is assigned to fix it all on top of their regular jobs.
What Williams suggests and what is validated in Liz Ryan’s article, “Ditch the Employee Engagement Survey…,”[4] is that engagement is the responsibility of all levels of leadership and is a year-round job. Ryan describes predominantly low-tech, high-touch strategies to assess engagement levels. She suggests creating easy avenues for people to inform management about the pulse of the organization…and then encourages that management actually listen.
Ryan talks about the difference between content and context in how we gather information. Words are only a small part of the message. Non-verbals and paraverbals become the context for the meaning and intent of the words. She sees the survey itself is a disengagement tool. She describes the context of the survey (what it says about the relationship of management and employee) as follows:
Thanks for completing our survey. We want your opinions, but only in a very specific format and only in answer to certain questions that we have already developed. Our biggest concern is the tabulation of the survey…We’re not trying to develop a relationship with you or anything!…
While her context description sounds somewhat harsh and cynical, her message is clear. If you want to talk genuinely about engagement, you (managers and leaders) need to be engaged with your people. Ask them how they are doing, how they like working with the organization, what they need in order to do a better job. Then listen to their answers and follow-up.
Ryan describes ten formats for gathering this information from informal chats, strategic lunch room visits, and scheduled 1:1s to town halls and suggestion boxes.
And then, there has to be a timely and thoughtful way to respond to the information that is gathered. For too many employees, sharing their insights is like speaking into a black hole. It feels like the information is going nowhere. “Thank you for sharing” is not enough. And of course, this fosters disengagement.
How do you get back to folks and when? I have taken your idea/concern/suggestion to x meeting. We are discussing it. Please know that it will take time to implement. I will keep you posted on progress in y weeks/months – please don’t let it be years! And put that date on the calendar, keep it on the meeting agenda…
If the idea/concern/suggestion is not going to rise to an agenda item, then what do you do? You can still go back to the employee and let them know. Discuss other ideas or strategies to address the idea or concern…and/or explain why it won’t/can’t happen now.
And thank them for their suggestion…ask them to continue to bring ideas forward even if every suggestion isn’t acted on. Remind them that often just asking a question generates a whole new line of thinking.
__________________________
[1] Jill Bachman is a Thunderbird Leadership consultant who is a regular contributor, collaborator and partner in TLC’s blog and Tips posts.
[2] See http://thunderbirdleadership.com/2018/02/16/power-tools-work/ as well as references in that article that discuss engagement attributes in more depth:
Forbringer, Louis R. (2002) Overview of the Gallup Organization’s Q-12 Survey, O.E. Solutions.
Wiseman, Liz and McKeown, Greg. (2010) Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter. New York: Harper Collins.
Pink, Daniel. (2009) Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us. New York: Riverhead Books.
[3] https://www.business2community.com/human-resources/the-5-stages-of-employee-engagement-survey-results-02161015
[4] https://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/09/18/ditch-the-employee-engagement-survey-here-are-ten-better-ways-to-listen/#44a453f52779

Tip of the Month, April 2019 – Coming Unglued in a Good Way

Jill Bachman, MSN on April 7, 2019

Rory Gilbert addressed a common and frustrating problem in last month’s blog, Getting Unstuck (read here.) I’ve had lots of stuck moments in my personal life and in helping others with their moments. Whatever the situation, staying stuck is unpleasant at the least, and unproductive/unhealthy at its most. We can be stuck short term and long term, from a couple of weeks to years. What are your stuck examples?
Rory outlined a starting point and 4 strategies in her suggestions, and in this Tip of the Month, we will see how these points apply to two situations.
Start by acknowledging that you are stuck. Then

Step back and reflect.
Ask challenging questions.
Separate fact from fiction.
Enlist a thinking partner.

Michelle
Michelle had a long-standing job as a middle manager, and she felt she enjoyed good relationships with the people she supervised, her boss, Diana, and her peers. Diana was direct and clear, to the point. There were no doubts about what was needed, but Michelle was also free to do things her way. She was secure in her role, and imagined retiring from this position in another ten years. Nine months ago she had a change in bosses, and her new boss John doesn’t give her much direction at all. . . he’s pleasant enough to work with, but his management style is all over the place. John is a talker, and Michelle finds herself having to use a lot of energy to interpret what John is saying, and listen for the tiniest bit of direction. Because Michelle was so happy with her job before John came on board, she has decided to just do her own thing and ignore John. Consequently Michelle is less and less engaged in the business, basically just biding her time. You are Michelle’s friend at work in another department and it distresses you to see her so disengaged. You guess her direct reports are seeing it too.
Acknowledge that you are stuck. In talking with Michelle, the topic of John comes up easily. Michelle readily admits that she feels stuck. Just the relief of admitting that to you turned out to be a trigger for taking the next step.
Step back and reflect. You ask Michelle to reflect on the situation. Looking at things objectively, what does she think is going on? Is Michelle struggling with change, or style differences? Is this new for her? Has she ever felt stuck in a personal or business situation before? How uncomfortable is the situation for her?
Ask challenging questions. As you continue with your friend, you ask if it is possible that John’s differences have upset Michelle’s plan to take it easy until retirement? How long is Michelle willing to stay stuck? How much is she willing to do to change the situation? How would she know when it might be time to leave the position, before her retirement? Ask Michelle what she thinks she is contributing to keeping the situation going. Has she asked for clarification from John? Does John really understand how Michelle likes to receive direction? How about setting aside time with John for just socializing? What does Michelle think her employees are seeing in her lack of engagement? How does she think it is affecting them?
Separate fact from fiction. What does Michelle tell herself about a boss who is “just a talker”? Does John need to be exactly like her in order to do a good job? Can Michelle accept direction from a person with a style she finds difficult to connect with, or to respect? Is it really possible to “take it easy” until retirement in 10 years? That’s a long time. What could happen in that period to change things?
Enlist a thinking partner. Ask Michelle what she wants from you as a friend and colleague. Consider suggesting that she find a coach or a mentor to listen objectively and help her through this phase. Does she know anyone else outside of work who has faced a similar situation?
Imagine yourself in this situation.
You are worried about your weight. At a recent doctor’s appointment, you were warned about the likelihood of developing Type 2 Diabetes, and you are already taking medication to lower your blood pressure. You saw the word OBESE written on your encounter summary. What a blow! You have struggled with your weight for years, and tried every diet and program that showed promise, but just when you begin to lose a little weight, you let your guard down and slip off the path.
Acknowledge that you are stuck. That word on the chart did it for you, as well as the diabetes scare. When you came home from the appointment, your first call was to a good friend, who knows your weight loss journey. He has weight issues of his own. You tell him that you really are committed this time. You need help.
Step back and reflect. What do you think is going on? Why are you wanting to take steps now to lose weight? Besides your health, how is your weight affecting your relationships and quality of life? Why have your prior attempts not worked long term even when you were losing weight? Were you bored, tired of the regimen, anxious about whether you could really do it?
Ask challenging questions. What are you doing to keep the situation from improving? What is your weight a symbol of? How bad do things have to get before you take permanent action? What is your vision for your life at the weight you want to be?
Separate fact from fiction. You think losing the amount of weight you need to lose is too hard. There’s just too much. . . The number is so big. The reality is that it will take awhile, but it is a one-day-at-a-time experience. And you are capable of losing weight. You have done it before. You decide that you need a plan to keep the weight off, not simply to lose it. You admit that you feel like a failure at this and maybe deep down you wonder if you deserve to be happy. In discussion with your friend, you figure out that you are not your weight. . . nor an ideal body image either. You are much more than what you look like, or even, what you do for a living.
Enlist a thinking partner. Sharing weight loss stories and plans with your friend hasn’t been very helpful. For support and ideas, you decide to join a group at work who is helping each other with healthy lifestyle choices. You also decide that seeing a therapist could be a good idea, and you start the process of finding someone to work with.
Admitting that you are stuck is the important first step on a journey to create momentum and change a situation that seems to be going nowhere. Being stuck can be a sign that says it’s time to take action, IF we pay attention, and follow through with reflection, great hard questions, separating fact from fiction, and having the support of a thought partner. Thunderbird Leadership Consulting offers executive and leadership coaching, and is available to assist you with situations in which you, or your workplace, feels “stuck”. For more information, contact us at info@thunderbirdleadership.com.

Getting Unstuck!

Rory Gilbert, M.Ed., SPHR, SHRM-SCP on March 18, 2019

We all have issues in our lives, professional and personal, that seem to just persist on and on and never get resolved. How do we manage the “no-solution” situations? What do they look like?

An employee who you like, who tries really hard, is not succeeding in their role.
A staffing problem that just doesn’t seem to resolve – resulting in overtaxing valued employees who have to fill in.
A process that gets stuck over and over again in the same place delaying necessary action.
A position that was fulfilling that has changed because of new leadership.

You’ve tried so many interventions! But nothing seems to work. You are dissatisfied, folks around you are dissatisfied and yet the problem just won’t go away.
How do we approach these sticking points? My partner-in-blog, Jill Bachman, reflected, “think of getting stuck in the physical world, like lost on a hike, and the first thing to do is stop, stop the struggle, breathe and take stock.” So, the first thing to do is to step back from the situation and reflect on what is going on. We tend to do this on our commute, in the shower, doing physical labor (sweeping the front porch, gardening) or when we are away from the office at a concert, on vacation, on a hike.
Reflect on what is really going on.

How would you describe the situation?
What values and beliefs are at play?
What role do you have in sustaining the current “stuck” place?
What influence or decision-making power do you have?

Noushin Bayat, one of Thunderbird’s coaches, suggests separating fact from fiction – identifying what we know (observable facts) from the story we are creating about the situation (fiction, beliefs that may or may not be true) and challenging ourselves to consider other possible stories (other possible beliefs?).
For example, with the employee we like who tries really hard but does not appear to be making progress, what do I know?

I like the employee.
I care about the person as an individual.
They are trying.
We’ve tried to help.
They are not succeeding.

What values are in play?

Loyalty
Commitment
Supervisory responsibility and accountability
Organizational success
Others?

What role do I have in sustaining the situation? (How do these ideas relate to the fact/fiction dichotomy? What other ways of seeing things are there?)

Taking responsibility for their lack of success.
If I provided better direction, guidance or coaching…
If I advocated for the employee better…
Valuing loyalty and caring over organizational success. I don’t want to be heartless!
Believing things will get better time after time after time…
Not wanting to hurt this person that I like…
I am accepting substandard performance and hoping it will get better.

What decision-making power or influence do I have?

I can help the individual assess their own ability to be successful.
I need to be clear about expectations and goals for success.
I have the power to terminate employment.

So how do I decide I have tried hard enough, and they have tried hard enough? How do I know when it is time to act? How could the following questions help?

What will happen if I continue doing what I am doing?
How will I know when it is time to act? (Chip and Dan Heath[1] describe this as establishing a trip-wire.) It can be a particular event that would have to happen – e.g. a specific failed project, or it could be a lack of progress by a certain date. If nothing changes in three more months, I have to act.
What would I tell my best friend if they had this problem?
If I were leaving tomorrow and someone was taking my place, what would I advise them about this situation?
Are there possible solutions outside of the binary: continuing the way things are or termination?

What do you think the answers would be in the above situations? What will happen if action isn’t taken? What would you advise someone else to do? Are there more solutions than the simple binary?
Some of us can do this analysis on our own. Many of us work better with a thinking partner. Who do you have in your world that you can be vulnerable with? Who will listen to you? Who will ask you the hard questions? Who is far enough away from the situation not to be stuck inside it?
In Vital Friends: The People You Can’t Afford to Live Without[2], Tom Rath describes how important it is to have people in our lives who support us, encourage and motivate us and help us navigate decisions. He references Gallup research that stresses the importance of having “a best friend at work.” Having someone we trust, can confide in and be vulnerable with at work increases our engagement, satisfaction and success enormously. Rath identifies various roles friends play in our lives and emphasizes that no one person can do it all. Our vital friends can be at work and at home, colleagues, friends, family, coaches, mentors and sponsors.
When we get stuck, it is not uncommon to turn inward instead of reaching out. By being aware of our vital friends (what I consider my “kitchen cabinet), we have the human resources to help us get unstuck.
So, how do we get unstuck?

Step back and reflect
Ask yourself challenging questions
- About your role in the situation
- About what you would tell someone else in the same situation
Separate fact from fiction
Use a thinking partner

And first and foremost, recognize that you are stuck and need to get unstuck.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – CG Jung
______________________________
[1] Heath, Dan and Chip. (2013) Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work. Currency, New York.
[2] Rath, Tom. (2006) Vital Friends: The People You Can’t Afford to Live Without. Gallup Press.