The Winding Road

Kevin Monaco on April 3, 2022

It sounds so simple, but no one had ever told me: The road is winding and wide. I wasn’t aware because most people I knew pursued only one road: The Straight and Narrow. I don’t mean ‘honest’ and ‘moral’ here. I mean ‘straight’ and ‘narrow’– the complete opposite of ‘winding’ and ‘wide’.

Here in Cleveland, we joke that there are only two seasons; winter and construction. You always have to be ready with an alternative route. You can almost never take the most direct path. You must first go south before you can go west, or a little east before you can go north. And don’t forget about rush hour traffic! You’re in it for the long haul. Luckily, there are multiple ways to get to where you’re going.

During a challenging health journey in my late 20s, I began to examine my life more deeply than I ever had up to that point. I felt as though I was headed in the wrong direction, particularly with my career and my life’s dedication. I yearned to be creative again, like I was when I was younger. I wanted to make beautiful creations, important calls-to-action that people admired and felt moved by. I wanted to inspire others with my passion and energy. I felt I knew where I should be, where I always wanted to be, but that place was somewhere on the other side of town. It was a place I was very unfamiliar with, and quite frankly, terrified of.

And so I began to talk with someone about my struggles. The more I spoke about it, the more aware I was of the panic bubbling up inside of me. I was operating on autopilot. I wasn’t engaged or enthusiastic about the work I was doing. I felt undervalued and overworked. I felt disappointed in myself for not having a clearer direction for my life, a more solid plan. I chastised myself because I had allowed this to happen, and now, nearly ten years into my career at that point, I felt trapped and confused. Was this ever really what I wanted to do? What about all the years of education I went through? The degrees I earned? The time I’d already invested at my workplace? It all seemed like a big waste. 

Through my sadness, my therapist offered this simple but impactful perspective: Life is not a straight and narrow path. It is a jagged and twisty, multi-lane roadway, full of construction and bus stops. It is a series of onramps and offramps, and sometimes you have to go far out of your way to get back on track. Sometimes you are driving with poor visibility, and sometimes you’re driving through clear skies with the top down. But you are always moving. Even if you stop momentarily, life beckons you to hit the gas once again. 

I spent a lot of time with this analogy. I thought about what it meant to view my life as a winding road. I thought about all the events of my life that I am grateful for, and I began to notice the twisted roads that led me to them. Of course life is not a straightforward path! There are reasons for this, and here are a few I’ve learned from my experience since then.

 

 

1) Life is a series of stops and detours that provides us with feedback on how we are responding and growing as people.

Quite simply put, we do not know what we do not yet know. I like to view my life experiences as a variety of roadside diners. I discover new joints that I love, and others…well, I won’t be coming back for seconds. Use these experiences to fuel change and discover what makes you ‘tick’. By means of detouring and rerouting, I begin to learn my way around town. I discover the bumpy roads, the carefree highways, the heavily patrolled areas, and the places I want to avoid in the future. At 15 years old, I was afraid to drive up that freeway onramp for the first time, but I learned something every time I tried, and it got easier. Learning more about myself and my surroundings has been key to uncovering my personal path and purpose. 

 

2) We may need to have certain experiences that drive us forward, even if they seem counterproductive.

We may not be ready for a particular ‘point of interest’ yet. That is the bottom line. We may have to acquire some skills, be jolted into some serious reflection, meet some new people, or overcome a challenge before we are prepared to arrive at that destination. Even if you feel restless and anxious, this is a process that asks you to honor your current location. This is where you are today, and there is incredible power in that realization. Each twist and turn is teaching you to become a better driver, and you will be better-equipped to handle future roadblocks. Perhaps a new road will open up now that you’re no longer headed south on the old one. In this way, no experience is a lost cause. No credential, skill, or relationship is a waste of time. No seemingly counterproductive event has forever put you in reverse. You are a master navigator! Even as you are reading and reflecting on this post, you are fine-tuning your route.

I’m reminded of an SNL Weekend Update skit where Leslie Jones talks to Colin Jost about Oprah Winfrey’s experience being fired as a young intern. Jost remarks what a mistake it was for those executives to fire Oprah! “No it wasn’t!” Leslie claps back. “…‘Cause she wasn’t Oprah. She was just some 23-year-old punk, who needed to get fired, so she could become ‘Oprah’!” 

 

3) Trust that if we set the destination, life will align the right people and situations to get us there.

Life is a complicated web of connections and networks. We’ve all heard of the six degrees of separation concept. Whether there are actually six is not the point. We can be sure that there is at least one path for every destination we plan for. From a vantage point much greater than any mirror or car camera can provide, you have already initiated a chain reaction that is shifting the tides to make things happen.

I have always had many interests. But since I can remember, I always wanted to be a singer and songwriter. There was one problem: I was terrified to put myself out there for people to hear. Over the years, I gradually turned my back on my love of music. Quite some time later, I decided I owed it to myself to forge down that path once again and take a look around! In the last three years, I have now performed many times for an audience, but I had to get through a few hazardous conditions before I could open up. Some were even completely unrelated to music! My original plan had me arriving at my destination really early. Improperly early. It was in my best interest to slow down and take the scenic route. I began to notice the parts of my previous career that had prepared me for an audience. I noticed the new experiences I was having that were encouraging me out of my shell. I noticed the unique and fun moments I was having as a result of this new route–ones I would never have dreamt possible.

I know that it may take you, as it has taken me, some time to get used to this winding road. We are prodded down narrow paths, raised with absolutes, and told it’s ‘my way or the highway!’ We begin to neglect our own navigation system, and we forget who is driving the car.

76-year-old American actor, singer, dancer, and director, André De Shields, offered this piece of advice during his first Tony Award acceptance speech in 2019: “Slowly is the fastest way to get to where you want to be.” So let’s try not to be anxious drivers. The pace and course of your journey has been designed specifically for you. If it feels misguided or too slow, take a deep breath, and stay curious about your surroundings. Ask yourself what you are meant to learn at this time. Find out what is working and what isn’t working for you. Reach out and ask for directions. Discover how you will do things differently next time. If the traffic is too noisy, roll up the windows and put on your favorite playlist! If we settle into the moment, we allow the next turn to reveal itself. 

Above all, remember that life is a process of growth opportunities. There is more to our stories than just the beginnings and ends. We can be motivated by the destination, or we can be excited about the road trip itself. Afterall, the real adventure is in the winding detours.

 

Sponsorship: A New Imperative For Leaders

Kevin Monaco on November 16, 2021

  by Dorothy Sisneros and Kevin Monaco

Impact of the sponsorship

Dorothy Sisneros

Have you ever been a sponsor or mentor?  Or have you been sponsored or mentored?  Chances are that at this point in your leadership journey, you have experienced one or all of the development opportunities offered by your organization or have hired external coaches to assist with your goals.  In this blog, Kevin and I will explore the nuances and role of mentorship and sponsorship support and how you can become a protégé or sponsor a protégé regardless of your current role in an organization.  The path to advancement for women and minorities usually includes being sponsored. Therefore, organizations should consider adding sponsorship to their talent management and succession planning programs.  

I have had many amazing sponsors and the odd part is that until the last six months, I didn’t have an official term for what I had benefited from along my journey.  I had mentors and coaches help me hone my skills and figure out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be professionally.  In reading several articles, I became aware of sponsorship and realized that my life has been shaped by the fact that several of my sponsors considered me a protégé and that my talents and abilities had been shared with an audience who were receptive to the amplification, boosting, connecting, and defending (Chow, 2021) from my sponsors.   

Teachers can be our first sponsors as they open doors, write letters of recommendation, and help guide us into careers they hope will be a match for us.  My first sponsor was my high school English teacher and basketball coach.  Mr. Richard A Martinez (RA) was an exceptional teacher and incredible coach.  He decided that college was in my future and that attending on a basketball scholarship was possible.  He connected with the new Women’s Athletic Director at the University of Arizona and my role as a protégé began.  He told Dr. Mary Roby about my athletic abilities, my academic strength and shared his endorsement of me as a person. 

RA was my first sponsor – he found an audience (Dr. Roby) and connected her to me by telling stories and creating a positive impression.  He amplified my abilities by sharing my accomplishments, boosted my potential and readiness for the college basketball experience, and defended me by ensuring her that a small-town “star” would be fine at a large university.  Thanks to RA, I attended the University of Arizona on a basketball scholarship and I didn’t let him down.  RA was my brand manager and publicist in the days before YouTube, Instagram or TikTok.  I share this story as an example of the importance of a sponsor in our lives.  I have had several other amazing sponsors and I’m grateful for each of them—I have been a willing protégé. 

So, what is the difference between a sponsor and mentor?  A mentor is someone who can provide immediate support in the form of guidance, advice and is usually someone who has had similar experiences in the job or position within an organization.  The relationship is between the mentor and the mentee.  In sponsorship, there is a 3-way relationship between the sponsor, the protege and the audience (Diagram 1).  Chow (2021) stresses that sponsorship opportunities for minorities and women need to be intentional.   For me, a Latinx woman from a small community of fewer than 100 residents, my path to success was linked to one sponsor who intentionally helped me by using his social capital and persistence to open the door for me and then walking with me into a new world.  I still am connected to RA Martinez – we text every day and I can always count on a positive message from him to start my day.  

Sponsorship – diagram 1

I have taken on the sponsorship role with zest and am intentionally sponsoring several individuals who I admire and respect.  I am using my social capital, my connections, and my influence to open doors and walk them through to meet others who can benefit from their talents and potential.  I’ve been called a connector and I am proud of that title.

As I reflect, I am grateful to my sponsors – Rosalie Vigil, Richard (RA) Martinez, Dr. Mary Roby, Dr. Amy Steinbinder, Linn Billingsley, Mary Briden, Dr. Marie Pepicello, Dr. Rufus Glasper, Mary Lou Bessette, Sandy Shroyer, April Myers, Dustin Fennell, Dr. Wendy Leebov, Dr. Jan Gehler and others—who saw something in me and connected me to opportunities and experiences that were beyond my dreams as a young adult growing up in a small town in Northern New Mexico.  

Chow, Rosalind, Don’t Just Mentor Women and People of Color. Sponsor Them. Harvard Business Review, June 2021.


The Platform and the Protégé

Kevin Monaco

When I first entered the workforce as a high school teacher at a small private school, I had very little knowledge of how to elevate my professional status, and I certainly did not know how to reach my audience. I had many mentors that eagerly shared their passion and knowledge for teaching and I enjoyed a great deal of collaboration with my colleagues. But as I gathered experience and honed my skills in the field, I began to feel that I could contribute at a higher level, in a greater capacity. There was one problem. I had little idea of how to get there. My deepening desire to expand my path led me to ask the questions: How can I surround myself with successful people whom I admire? How can I nurture a desire in them to invest in my success?

I began by identifying people in my life who could serve as my sponsors. Over time, I devoted purposeful attention to these relationships and they burgeoned into formal sponsor/protégé roles. When I reflect on the ways in which sponsorship has changed my career trajectory, the single most important part of the process has been the ‘platform.’ The platform is the protégé’s stage. It is their time to showcase their skills in front of a crucial audience. When we are given a platform, we can be directly involved in the process. Our role is amplified.

The sponsor shares this powerful tool as a way to leverage connections and bring the protégé into the fold. It provides purpose and focus for the protégé’s skills, imparting opportunities to get involved, demonstrate one’s capabilities, and create vital networks along the way. It enables others to notice the unique value the protégé adds within the field or institution. This is why the role of the audience is so critical to this process. When we are elevated on a platform, we can be recognized for our achievements. We can garner experiential growth opportunities that are vital to our professional advancement. We can strengthen our current skills and we can be supported in acquiring new ones. 

But there is an important reciprocation as well. It is true that the sponsor carries the connections and social capital, but an effective sponsor/protégé relationship enriches the professional lives of both. This is why the relationship continues. While being teachable and receptive are important qualities of the protégé, it is important to note that the protégé must also be a willing contributor to the conversation, ready to step up to the plate! This is the essential charge of the protégé. It may seem like a lot of pressure, but we must understand an essential facet of the relationship. The foundational cornerstone of sponsorship is that of mutual respect. It is an indispensable ingredient for the success and continued forward movement of the relationship. There must be deep personal and professional respect between individuals in these roles, and respect leads to trust.

On a personal level, it is this precise trust in my sponsors that continues to provide me with the encouragement I need to level up. In a society that largely suffers from imposter syndrome (and I am no exception), we all need assurance at times that we have champions and cheerleaders in our corner. When we trust that we are respected and supported by experienced individuals in our fields, we feel capable of tackling the next stage. The expertise of the sponsor and the potential of the protégé collide to create a mosaic of collaboration, excellence, and purpose. It is through this amplification process that we expand our view of what is within our grasp.